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Enhanced Eustachian Tubes

Breathe through your ears
  [vote for,

In humans, the pathway between the nasal cavity and the ear is inconveniently obstructed by the tympanic menbrane.

BorgCo are developing an bio-inert implantable device which provides a wide, clear pathway between the nasal cavity and the outer ear canal*.

This allows the recipient to breathe through their ears, if they wish. It also acts to prevent agonizing ear pain when experienceing a sudden change in ambient air pressure, for instance when flying. When swimming, the face can be continuously submerged (A suitable "ear snorkel" is under development), and when afflicted with rhinitis, a special BorgCo maxi-absorbant pillow allows night-time nasal mucus to conveniently drain away.

* A pair of special plugs are supplied with each installation at no extra charge.

8th of 7, May 22 2011

US 6,589,286 http://www.google.c...m=1&ved=0CCgQ6AEwAA
Eustachian tube stent [xaviergisz, May 25 2011]

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       //Enhanced Eustachian Tubes// Ah. Not about installing new escalators, then.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 22 2011

       You didn't read the footnote about the special plugs, did you ?   

       We just love people like you, particularly when you can be persuaded to sign multipage contracts.
8th of 7, May 22 2011

       1) //between the nasal cavity and the outer ear canal// What has this idea got to do with Eustachian tubes?   

       2) When can we expect "Enhanced Fallopian tubes?" (Technically easier, I reckon but the target demographic is smaller.)
mouseposture, May 22 2011

       So, if you suddenly laugh while eating your morning cereal will milk come out your ears?   

       I want that. [+]
Grogster, May 22 2011

       What happens when you sneeze?   

       And who has to clean it up?
Alterother, May 23 2011

       Be great for freediving. VTO is godawful hard to practice, it'd be nice to avoid the drama and just open the valves, also be handy to save the air for breathing.   

       (you use an ever-increasing volume of valuable oxygen-bearing air to equalise the eustachian tubes and inner-ear cavities as you go down. If you could avoid this necessity you'd significantly increase depth and bottom time).
Custardguts, May 23 2011

       It would be terrible for freediving as you'd have an inner ear full of water.   

       This would be easier with tear ducts, I used to blow bubbles through mine.   

       //breathe through their ears// The perfect gift for Valentine's day.
marklar, May 23 2011

       Should be a help with snoring, as well.
lurch, May 23 2011

       I don't need any help with snoring.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 23 2011

       'Course you do, [Max]! You've just never yet heard yourself perform with 7mm eustachian tubes equipped with squeaky-toy reed inserts!
lurch, May 24 2011

       He never will, neither. He's bound to sleep through it.
mouseposture, May 24 2011

       I've always been open and close my eustachian tubes at will and can hold them open. I can't draw any air through them though.
You're saying that if I were to puncture the timpanic membrane I'd be deaf but able to ear breath?!?

       (+) God I love this place.   

       Except that eustachian canals need to be small. To use an electronics analogy, they are like a high value resistor or inductor (to ground) in an AC electronics circuit to reduce DC offset. If you reduce the impedance, you degrade the AC signal as well, by increasing the rolloff frequency.   

       In terms of the ear, that would mean loss of hearing clarity, especially at lower frequencies.
spidermother, May 24 2011

       There's the added advantage of being able to talk to yourself whilst keeping your mouth closed.
shudderprose, May 24 2011

       My grandfather died when I was 5. All I can remember about him was that he could blow smoke out of his ears. So: Baked?
Ling, May 24 2011

       Fumigated, certainly. Baked ? Hard to say without the post-mortem findings.   

       // All I can remember about him was that he could blow smoke out of his ears //   

       That actually tells us more about you than it does your grandfather.
8th of 7, May 24 2011

       How did you know that I met my Grandfather once, and was orphaned at 6?
Ling, May 24 2011

       Lucky guess, based on your distinctive literary style.
8th of 7, May 24 2011

       And did you work out the bit about how I killed them?
Ling, May 24 2011

       Based on the forensic evidence, we deduce it was nicotine poisoning, surreptitiously administered in contaminated flameproofing drops for earwax.
8th of 7, May 24 2011

       Well, you've got me bang to rights.   

       But //tells us// and //we deduce//   

       shows me that you've got help. So don't take all the credit.
Ling, May 24 2011

       // you've got help //   

       We are a collective cybernetic lifeform organised as an agressive hegemonising swarm. with a single consciousness.   

       What part of this don't you understand ?
8th of 7, May 24 2011

       //with a single consciousness//
kind of like the single eye among the Stygian Witches...
lurch, May 25 2011

       It's an eardrum bypass system.
8th of 7, May 25 2011

       [Ian], count the heads...
Grogster, May 25 2011

       ...with a sword?
pocmloc, May 25 2011

       You're mighty brave in Cyberspace, [pocmloc].   

       The use of the first person plural is a tradition, or an old charter, or something.
8th of 7, May 25 2011

       Ah yes, beheading multi-headed giants is also a tradition round these parts. Similarly for hydras, medusas, etc. Hence that was the first comment that sprung to mind. Nothing personal, you understand.
pocmloc, May 25 2011

       //The use of the first person plural is a tradition, or an old charter, or something//   

       I think Queens use it.
Ling, May 25 2011

       [pocmloc] You're just showing your ignorance now, everyone knows you don't behead a hydra.
marklar, May 25 2011

       You do if you're a super-snappy swordsman looking to impress.
pocmloc, May 25 2011

       "... where's street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds ? ..."
8th of 7, May 26 2011


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