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Eyelid lenses

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The field of opthalmics has made little real progress since the invention of eyeglasses. Yes, we have laser surgery and yes, we have contact lenses, but no progress has been made in understanding why we lose our ability to change focus as we get older, let alone in preventing it.

Thusfore, those of us who have reluctantly slipped past the age of 30something find ourselves forced to don reading glasses to read, and then to doff them if again if we want to see into the distance. This can be a nuisance, for example, when driving.

"Bifocals!" I hear you ejaculate. I shake a weary head and move on.

MaxVision, Inc., is pleased to announce the development of Eyelid Lenses. The installation surgery is quite straight forward, entailing the simple punching of a 9mm hole in the eyelid of each eye. Once the edges have healed, the flexible and remarkably nonuncomfortable Eyelid Lens is affixed over the hole.

Ipso caldera! Now, with your eyes open, you can see all of those things in the distance (and there are many). With your eyes closed, you can read the finest print.

Optional eyepatches are available for those who sleep in an imperfectly dark bedroom.

MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 29 2013


MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 29 2013

       Why not sacrifice a nostril, drill a hole up near the sinus, insert an eyepiece in the gorey cavity, a magnifying lens in the nostril and peer through this modification as if your nose has been transformed into a microsope?
rcarty, Mar 29 2013

       Because that would result in both monocularity and monostrility.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 29 2013

       Do these cause ejaculations to be seen?
rcarty, Mar 29 2013

       I predict neck pain unless you want to go the wholly-transparent prosthetic eyelid route.
FlyingToaster, Mar 29 2013

       //It's due to the hardening of the natural lens. Aging also affects muscle fibers around the lens making it harder for the eye to focus on up close objects.//   

       Yes, and it's taken decades of research for people to come up with theories which they can't agree on. Did you know that it is not known whether the muscles around the lens contract sphinctrally to fatten it, or stretch radially to flatten it? That's a fairly basic piece of information.   

       Equally, insofar as lens hardening is a factor, it is caused by well-understood cross-links between the molecules of a single type of protein - it is one of the simplest biological systems there is. Yet utterly no progress whatsoever at all in the least has been made in reversing the process.   

       If opthalmology had advanced one tenth as fast as most other fields of medicine, opticians would be out of business. And that, right there, is your answer.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 29 2013

       // predict kneck pain unless you want to go the wholly-transparent prosthetic eyelid route.//   

       But most reading and other close work takes place within a relatively small arc. A 9mm hole allows a 3-4mm pupil to travel over quite a wide angle.   

       Moreovermore, our initial team of volunteers have reported that there is no need for eyepatches, once you get into the habit of sleeping with your eyes directed to one side.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 29 2013

       Why, you don't need a lens at all. Just the hole itself would magnify vision if it was the right diameter.   

       Wouldn't it be impossible to open the eye lids at all if there was a lens attached to them? Has the idea been fully thought through? We are withholding funds until we see the colour of the answer.
xenzag, Mar 29 2013

       // impossible to open the eye lids at all if there was a lens attached to them?//   

       //flexible and remarkably nonuncomfortable Eyelid Lens//   

       //One word: ANTIOXIDANTS// Another word: EQUINOX. I win because mine has a "Q" in it.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 30 2013

       //It's not really the simplest of biological processes// Actually, if you read the paper in your link, it is.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 30 2013

       I though the simplest biological process is dying?   

       Presumably if the Presbyterian church used a larger font in their bibles, then incidence of presbyopia would decline?
not_morrison_rm, Mar 30 2013


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