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Highly Visible Ninja Bodyguards

Faithful servants
  [vote for,

Simply, a roving band of loyal ninja bodyguards, silent, dressed in black, armed to the teeth, and who backflip everywhere they go, rather than walking normally.

Instil fear, confusion and envy in the hearts of any potential enemies whom I might collect.

UnaBubba, Nov 27 2020

(?) Hi-vis ninja armour https://www.amazon....cloak/dp/B07XNXM9KR
The right balance of reflective neon and stealth black is crucial to allow for multi-environment operations [mace, Nov 30 2020]

trope: Highly Visible Ninja https://allthetrope...ighly-Visible_Ninja
[jutta, Dec 03 2020]

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       //and who backflip everywhere they go// So that's why they don't notice my invisible ninja bodyguards!   

       //fear, confusion and envy// is much easier to instil when one's enemies "mysteriously" find themselves dead, or better yet forced to take a group of 6-year-olds to the childrens' showing at the cinema on Saturday afternoon.
pocmloc, Nov 27 2020

       Spinjas surely?
AusCan531, Nov 27 2020

       If you're going to splash out on expensive ninja bodyguards, it does make sense not to hide them in the shadows. It does rather detract from their primary set of skills though.   

       Also, if you're having them out in the open, why settle for black? Kit them out in dayglow bodysuits and (assuming you aren't sued by the PowerRangers™ people) let people definitely know they're there.   

       The most optimal configuration however is to have a party of dayglow ninjas out front, flipping out and doing backflips, while lurking in the darkness from a safe distance, a backup collection of shadowy forms move unseen, ever watchful, ever vigilant, ready to strike with uncompromising swiftness and elegant death.
zen_tom, Nov 27 2020

       // any potential enemies whom I might collect. //   

       <Attempts to estimate numbers of [UB]'s enemies/>   

       You're going to need something of the scale of Terracotta Army just to escort you down to the shops for a few groceries ...
8th of 7, Nov 27 2020

       Unfortunately there aren't any humans that can keep up the flipping thing as long as you envision. Even trained Olympic gymnasts do it in short stints with extensive pauses.
Voice, Nov 27 2020

       //So that's why they don't notice my invisible ninja bodyguards//   

       This would be even better. They would be more lethal and far less easily detected. For the super-duper version, you could manifest both.
blissmiss, Nov 27 2020

       //keep up the flipping thing as long as you envision// Depends how long one's excursions out are. If it's only to step outside to bring the milk in, that should be manageable.
pocmloc, Nov 27 2020

       //backflip everywhere they go//

I think it needs clarifying whether, wherever they go they are backflipping, or that they use backflipping as a mode of moving from one place to another. For example I walk down the road to the pub, with HVNBs backflipping down the road with me - all is as it should be. In the pub, I stand at the bar, enjoying a delicious pint of fine beer. Are the HVNBs sitting at a nearby table sipping their Diet Cokes, or are they right next to me, backflipping 'on the spot' to fulfill the part of their brief that requires them to backflip wherever they go? If this latter case is correct, it could be a bit offputting and affect the enjoymnt of my pint, as well as perhaps being tiring for the HVNBs.
hippo, Nov 27 2020

       Why not just a small army of toddlers? Just as effective at keeping enemies at bay, and higher energy. Less expensive to hire, too. Just pump them with red bull and chocolate milk and dare any Jehovah's Witness to approach.
RayfordSteele, Nov 28 2020

       Yes, but then you have a small army of toddlers.
pertinax, Nov 29 2020

       For how long ?   

       Our understanding of these things is that they get bigger. Observational evidence, acquired from a safe distance, is that deeply unpleasant, demanding, noisy, disobedient toddlers grow disconcertingly rapidly into deeply unpleasant, demanding, noisy, disobedient pre-teens.   

       A continuous programme of recruitment, training, and out-placement would be needed.   

       A better solution would be adult dwarfs, dressed and trained to imitate toddlers. The sugar and caffeine-laden comestibles could still form a useful part of the operation.
8th of 7, Nov 29 2020

       The ninjas all started out as toddlers... just with extra Red Bull.
UnaBubba, Nov 29 2020

       They should all stay invisible until further notice, but thanks for the offer. (+)   

       I truly appreciate the sentiment. For the time being they should remain unseen.   

       Just a hunch, but wtf else have I ever really had to go on?   

       Is that like dowager's hump?
not_morrison_rm, Dec 02 2020

       I usually like to go on the toilet. I find it fairly sanitary.
RayfordSteele, Dec 02 2020

Voice, Dec 03 2020

       Holy crap, [jutta]! Who knew?   

       OK... apart from you. You're the new [Peter Sealy] now?
UnaBubba, Dec 03 2020

       One would think a ninja antagonist acting like a ninja could be a powerful story element. The knowledge that the assassin is out there and could strike at any time. The knowledge he has been training most of his like for that moment. That shadow could contain him, or that chest, or those eves. The marginal escape with the injury that gives him something to overcome. Or the protagonist's need to overcome his pride and flee or ask for training. Or his need to overcome his selfishness and take the risk. Or overcome his arrogance and earn friends. Does he risk everything to shake off his guards and go to his lover? Does he spend his last penny to hire bodyguards? Does he start to waste away in sleepless terror or start to go insane with paranoia? How will he deal with these problems?

Modern cinema is sorely lacking in foils that foil the antagonist, in protagonists who have to work for their success, in flawed men and especially flawed women who are, through great effort, heroic. A real ninja would be the perfect thing to bring some much-needed storytelling back into movie plots.

And for the sake of every dead and great actor can they PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop using the hero's journey as the basis of EVERY STINKING MOVIE
Voice, Dec 04 2020


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