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Ninja Cycling School

Cycling made safer through the skills of the Shadow Warriors
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(+4, -1)
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While cycling around the city I sometimes wonder what would happen if I got hit by a car. I like to imagine myself rolling elegantly across the bonnet, and landing on my feet to give the hapless driver a ferocious scowl of disdain, while a gaggle of attractive girls stare awe-struck at my casual dicing with death.

The reality would probably involve me hitting the car like a sack of potatoes and ending up lying on the floor in a pool of blood and bone-shards, whimpering. This is unacceptable. So I propose the founding of the Ninja Cycling Academy, where young people can learn to apply the skills of the ninja to cycle safety.

The curriculuum would be in three parts. The first part would be Tumbling Basics: the students would work on a mat, practicing aikido-style breakfalls, as well as cartwheels, somersaults, back-flips, prat-falls, etc.

In the second section, Applied Basics, the aspiring cycle-ninja would learn how to apply these skills to a cycle crash in highly controlled situations: for instance, they would practice driving their bike into the side of a car and hand-springing across the roof.

Once the disciple has thorougly mastered every aspect of Applied Basics, they are ready to move onto the most advanced section of the course: Freestyle Ninja Cycling. In this section, the student cycles through a mock-up of a street. Cars, driven by Ninja Cycling Masters, wait in ambush to collide with the acolyte, who will use the skills he or she has been taught to emerge unscathed. As this is just training, the student will wear helmet and padding, so as to avoid injury.

Finally our young learner has progressed to the stage where they need fear no car. They are ready to venture out onto the killing streets, secure in the knowledge that their awesome ninja cycling skills will allow them to transcend any emergency.

spacemoggy, Jul 06 2004

How to Not Get Hit by Cars http://bicyclesafe.com/
A better place to start. [phoenix, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

How to Take a Punch http://www.ehow.com/how_6255_punch.html
[phoenix, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Ninjas are awesome http://www.realultimatepower.net/
"I love them with all my body (including my pee pee)" [gabe, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]


       will the cycle ninjas dress in black?
engineer1, Jul 06 2004

       Of course! But with flourescent vests as well - a cycle ninja doesn't go looking for trouble, he's just ready for it when it comes.
spacemoggy, Jul 06 2004

       Does the dim mak vibrating palm technique work on SUVs?
calum, Jul 06 2004

       personally think Samurai would be as cool especially as reflective armour wouldn't look as silly as high visibility Ninjas
engineer1, Jul 06 2004

       What`s the use? in the movies most of them ninja`s can (almost) as fast as a car. No need to learn how to tumble off a bicycle :P just learn how to do that shadow walk. you`ll be faster off too.
Keeper of the Blue Flame, Jul 06 2004

       Okay, this is the third ninja idea I've read tonight, (but by far the best). Enough!
RayfordSteele, Jul 06 2004

       Ninjas: the solution to every problem.
5th Earth, Jul 06 2004

       hee hee hee hee hee hee!!!! your awesome! if i could id give you three pastries! but no more. three is enough. greedy.
yellowblueberries, Jul 06 2004

       AFTER I dodge the vehicle with my new Ninja cycle training, will I then be allowed to dismember the blockhead who nearly impaled me with their car/suv? If not what's the point?   

       Maybe I'll stick with my 45. No hit and run for me... if I get hit they'd better kill me 'cause if not, I'm taking them down too!!   

       (no more ninjas ok??)
Horus, Jul 07 2004

       I'd just like to emphasise that my ninja idea was the first of the recent batch to be posted. I guess a lot of people had been storing up ninja ideas and were inspired to contribute them.
spacemoggy, Jul 07 2004

       Health: Immortality? Regardless, sounds like what you want is more like Aikido, Judo, or, as a stretch, Jujitsu. I was expecting more avoidance techniques as is common in Ninjitsu. This whole idea reeks. Sorry, bud. [-]
contracts, Jul 07 2004

       It would be great if you could roll across the car with your bike and carry on riding. It wouldn't be limited to accidents then. There could be swarms of ninjas bounding stealthily over the rush hour traffic, a silent stampede of eco-friendly commuting lethality.
chud, Jul 07 2004


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