Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
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Reverse Christmas Caroling

(Knock knock!) "Hello?" "Silent night please."
  [vote for,

"Honey, the reverse Christmas carolers are here, go get Amy and Bobby!"

"Mommy I'm scared!"

"Don't be scared Timmy..."


"Whatever, don't be scared, just sing and they'll go away."

"Uhhm, we WHHHISH YOU A..."

"Dat's Wish You A Merry Christmas, we was wantin' Silent Night. You do know the words to Silent Night don't yaz?"

"Ohh ohh, sorry, yes of course ah hm... Siiiilent"


"SORRY SORRY! Siii-iilent... niiiight.... hoooooly..."

doctorremulac3, Aug 23 2019

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       This could be the start of something big, [doc]. I'm imagining "reverse Jehovah's witnesses" and, best of all "reverse charity collections". [+]
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 23 2019

       Thank you Max, I was rather fond of this one.   

       Not sure why I threw the menacing characters into the skit. Got bored I guess. Watched too much Monty Python growing up.
doctorremulac3, Aug 23 2019

       Well, regular carollers can be pretty intimidating. Round here, if you're not quick with the boiling oil, they have no hesitation of launching into "The Four Hundred and Seventeen Days of Christmas".   

       We could also use this approach to deal with trick-or-treaters. All the adults in the village could go and pound on the doors of families with small children, demanding sweets.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 23 2019

       No, [Max], no, no, no. You'd yell "Trick or treat!", get the response "HAHA! Trick!" and then you've got to figure out what to do with the kid.
lurch, Aug 23 2019

       Well, there's usually some boiling oil left over.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 23 2019

       You ask that of a scion of the Clan Buchanan, a family with a dark and sordid record of disposing of inconvenient corpses going back centuries, who practically invented the term "oubliette", and for whom "dungeon" and "guest accommodation " are practically synonymous ?   

       The vast gardens and extensive grounds are kept in their state of luxurience by liberal* application of a special home-made NPK fertilizer, which seems to be available in unlimited quantities. The source is somewhat mysterious; several people who have enquired into the details have unnacountably disappeared without trace.   

       *We hasten to add that the adjective "liberal" is used here in its purely technical sense.
8th of 7, Aug 23 2019

       We prefer the term "dynasty" over "clan", to be honest. It's not that we're not immensely proud of our Scottish ancestry, but we wouldn't want people to think we had any Scots genes.   

       Which reminds me, how's your family tree-tracing going? Have you managed to go back any further than Ernst Thövseven?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 23 2019

       Is this the equivalent of my anti-bible bashing door knockers spiel?   

       I have two.   

       One involves excusing myself to have a muffled yet audible conversation with someone inside the flat who they can't hear where I'm apparently advised that John forgot the chicken 'again' but the pentagrams warmed up & ready to go at which point (having advised my unheard companion I may have an alternative to the chicken on hand) I duck my head back around the door & ask 'I don't suppose you'd care to come in for a cup of tea while we chat about this?'   

       The other is where you tell them "I'm not interested, but my boss is & he just happens to be here, 'I'll just go get him" popping back into the hall, stripping bollock naked & putting on the goat head mask kept for this eventuality then stepping back out declaiming in one's best sepulchral tones "Yes! can I help you"
Skewed, Aug 24 2019



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