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The REAL Band Experience

A condensed 5 years of heartache and suffering for teenyboppers who became famous in 5 minutes
  (+7, -2)
(+7, -2)
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Nowadays boy bands and teenyboppers go through a week of auditions, 3 days in the studio, and a week later they have their first no. 1 single. This will provide these people with the insight of what it took for megastars such as U2, REM, and even festival space fillers to become famous.

The simulation starts off with everyone in the band trying to scrape together enough money for a guitar/drumkit/bass/keyboards etc. rather than just grabbing the nearest hairbrush and singing in front of the mirror. Then it's 1-2 years of lessons and practice unless of course everyone in the band is one of those annoyingly talented people.

We then move to the pub where the band members discuss the band name. That's right, without big name producers, you're going to have to come up with that name that everyone will laugh at by yourselves. (This stage of the simulation may take a long time for Steps. After all they only have two braincells to rub together between the 5 of them)

Then it's off to the drummer's house (he has the most stuff to move around otherwise) for that first tentative practice together. After about 4-6 months you may just have enough material for your first gig.

Which of course is the most soul-destroying part of the Sim - playing in your local pub to 5 people. And 4 of them are your mates, the 5th is the barman who has his earplugs in. A lot of REAL bands will never get past this stage.

And then after 3 years of having your soul destroyed while sending demo tapes out to everyone in the music business, you're ready for the big time! Your mate's sister's wedding! More REAL bands also stop around here.

Finally after about 5-6 years, and having to pawn your guitar/drumkit/bass/keyboards/microphones/sister about 3 times to be able to afford a tin of beans, you may be lucky enough to be heard by a top promoter... who'll immediately palm you off to a junior promoter who's down on his luck who'll in turn rip you off big time. And after another year you may just be ready to put out your first album!

Hopefully this experience will trigger of an immense feeling of guilt in the teenyboppers/boy bands, so much so, that they'll never make another record again.

//Damn, I've just re-read this and it's turned into a rant again! I actually meant this as a (reasonably) serious idea, it would have put me off putting together my own highly unsuccessful band, currently having our souls destroyed in pubs around Berkshire//

CoolerKing, May 31 2001

Music Maven www.sigmamusic.com/musicmaven.htm
This is pretty close to what you're talking about, I think. Still in progress but coming soon(or so it says!) I don't think the link is working, though. Just copy and paste the URL. [attackemu, Feb 10 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Musical Manager 2,3+4 http://members.tripod.co.uk/mullesoft
Kind of like your description, but you manage the band. [Paddy, Sep 19 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll http://brokeneye.hypermart.net
Another one that's like the description. [Paddy, Sep 19 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]

Rock Star http://www.the-unde...e.php?name=Rockstar
old-school ASCII rock band sim [RobotVoodooPower, Nov 05 2005]


       I'm up for it, if only that it means it's likely to put many people off being in these bands in the first place. The charts are so saturated in them, it'd provide some well-needed relief.
-alx, May 31 2001

       If you don't have beginner's luck, don't take up skydiving.
reensure, May 31 2001

       It makes sense to me. How about a game show in which good garage bands duel it out with the likes of the Backstreet Boytoys: give the Boytoys some instruments, and challenge them to actually make some music. Ho ho.
Dog Ed, Jun 01 2001

       this game is cool
oxygen, Aug 06 2001

       I'm forming a band (rock, nu-metal) somthing you haven't metion which is happending to me is actually finding band members who want to be in your band and that can/will learn to play the instrument needed I'm finding it hard to find a drummer.   

       oh and people like steps are NOT bands they are groups coz they don't play instuments (I HATE groups).   

       I like this idea if It will stop GROUPs being formed then I am all 4 it. (I also hate pop)
GreeboMaster, Oct 06 2001

       Sorry to burst your bubbles, but it takes just as much effort to be in a boy band. Years at stageschool (probably getting bullied and beaten up by all your non-stageschool acquaintances), learning to sing, dance, act and do proper classes as well, dealing with bossy, demanding parents, then joining a band, being forced to lose weight, not drink or do drugs or even have a girlfriend/boyfriend for some artists. Then a steady round of recording, filming your cheesy TV show, learning dance routines, dumb German kids TV shows, having to work 7 days a week because everyone around you knows it's going to last 3 years if they're very very lucky.   

       In contrast, if you're in a rock group, you lay in bed till 4 in the afternoon every day, sponging off the dole/your parents/your student loan, maybe if you're really energetic going to a lecture once in a while or standing in a record shop being superior to the customers. Then it's rehearsals every couple of months. Never shave, never get a hair cut, smell, drink all the time (even while you're playing), live your life in a constant haze of cigarette (and worse) smoke, all bad skin and convenience food. Then if you finally do become famous, chances are it'll last for more than 5 minutes, you won't get chucked out of your band if you admit doing drugs, and you still only have to get up at four p.m. and work 2 hours a day. Maybe if you're the songwriter, you'll have to spend a couple of weeks every other year knocking out the material for the new album, but otherwise, it's beer and skittles all the way.
pottedstu, Oct 06 2001

       pottedstu U obviously don't know how hard it is to be in a rock band. (tho I'm still @ high skool) I won't tell ya 'bout my band coz it ain't fully formed yet but I'm friends with a band and they practise 3 times a week (coz they go to skool as well they don't have freaky hours but we DONT laze around all day) and any extar practise they can get they will!!!
GreeboMaster, Oct 13 2001

       I had this exact same idea. I was envisioning a user interface that included a map of a small town or city, with bars (pubs, for you euros) and other venues marked on it. You have an angle on your music and try to play in certain parts of town or for certain crowds, and you plaster up billboards everywhere. Then another screen would allow you to adjust your daily schedule (practice time to day job ratio to going to parties to meet people -- all important). You buy gear with the $ from your day job. Then, when you do manage to schedule a gig, you have to play it. On the screen you see things from the perspective of the band -- a bunch of drunk people either sitting there snoozing or jumping up and down dancing. Which one they do depends on how you handle the "song manipulation controls" at the bottom of the screen. If you up the energy level of the performance, your "health" bar or whatever goes down as you get exhausted. Want to do some drugs to keep you going longer? Sure, you get a temporary bonus to your stamina, but expect to lose two days of practice time as you recover in bed from your all-night binge -- if you don't get fired from your job at Manny's Auto Parts because you didn't show up or call.
shunt, Feb 07 2002

       [shunt] I like your version better.
dana_renay, Feb 07 2002

       So now we're writing The Sims Garage Band booster pack? If it doesn't exist already, maybe this would be a good direction to take the game. I'm sure the designers of the Sim* line of computer games are running low on fresh ideas for expansions and one-offs.
BigBrother, Feb 07 2002

       Coolerking: whereabouts in berkshire do you live?
kaz, Feb 07 2002

       Wokingham, although I'm up at Uni in Birmingham at the moment. But if you wanted to see my band, I'm afraid we decided to split last summer as we can't get together to practice enough anymore.   

       [shunt]: My original idea was something a little more like yours crossed with Rockstar Ate My Hamster. Then I watched Popstars and turned it into a mini-rant against manufactured groups. Yours is certainly more likely to be made into a Sims-esque game anyway. Croissant for you.
CoolerKing, Feb 07 2002

       Hey CK you shouldn't worry about giving the boy bands guilt and suffering because, believe me, when a boy band split up the members end up a lot more insecure, unhappy and soulless because of all the compromises, artlessness and hype they went through. They're probably just as financially badly off as the failed rock band at that point too.   

       Remember - you only ever see a lot of the successful ones whatever their art - the other 9/10 are out there somewhere.   

       At least the rock band still have their art and integrity and when you've only got a fiver to your name that's an (albeit thin) emotional crutch.
notripe, Feb 07 2002

       dear pottedstu- they dont learn how to sing. they teach them how to lipsync and stage a nervous breakdown. (i hate pop :) )   

       Musicmaven is down :( :( :( :( :( :(
the_dude, Apr 03 2003


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