Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Virtual Udder

Milk it just like Grandpappy!
  (+5, -3)
(+5, -3)
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There was a day when milking a cow contributed to the joy and pleasure of many a milker.

Now, with the return of the Virtual Udder, milking for your milk can be enjoyed by young and old alike.

Specifically marketed towards the Japanese Cowboy Themed Fast Food Joints, the Virtual Udder allows patrons to stoop below a fiber glass cow with Life Like Swinging Udder (TM) and fill their milk pail with warm, fresh milk.

Children need not be afraid of getting trampled on by a real cow, as the only similarities the Vitrual Udder shares with the real thing are the Life Like Swinging Udder (TM) and various animatronics in the cows face and Realistic Fly Swatting Tail (TM).

Adults can be content knowing their children are experiencing a blessing from years gone by. A time when dirty rotten children did more than just press a button on a soda fountain to quench their thirsts.

Owners of Japanese Cowboy Themed Fast Food Joints will have options of Chocolate Milk Cows, Strawberry Milk Cows, and Traditional Flavored Milk Cows.

Virtual Udders can be upgraded to dispense mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup, and even ranch dressing.

*Virtual Udders incorporated not responsible for unsanitary conditions or squirts to the eye.

michaelbuffington, Jul 16 2002

(?) Baked? http://www.anc.org/...ifier=2003_0417_cow
"The artificial animal is made of wood and fiberglass...This unusual educational device offers young visitors practical hands-on experience" [half, Oct 04 2004]


       Hmmmm, I presume you've never had to milk a cow in the depths of winter, sitting on an uncomfortable stool in a dark, smelly, freezing cold byre as the cow stands there and craps? Thought not. I realise this idea would cut out this aspect of the milking, but //There was a day when milking a cow contributed to the joy and pleasure of many a milker.//? 'Fraid not.
salachair, Jul 16 2002

       Something about this idea is really appealing to me...   

       Alternatively, I envision a bovine-ish cup that stands up on legs, and has four udders that hang down and have curly straws attached so that you can drink comfortably...
polartomato, Jul 18 2002

       But how does this hope to mimic the bond between a man and his cow?
pottedstu, Jul 18 2002

DrCurry, Jul 18 2002

       Well... attach this to the internet, and network it to a remote controlled milking machine plugged onto old Bessy, and you got yourself telemilking.
waugsqueke, Jul 18 2002

       Why not just get the virtual udder pump the farmers use, and pump the virtual udder's milk right into the glass so that you don't have to crouch over just to get a drink. the Virtual Udder Pump should be built to fit in most tote bags   

       Or you could just get right under the virtual udder and suck it out yourself, and why not give it a little oral stimulation, I wonder if you can program the fiberglass cow to show a face for pleasure for everytime you give oral stimulation. MMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOO!
jeffman, Jul 21 2003


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