Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
There goes my teleportation concept.

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What's wrong with me?

Self-diagnosis software.
(+1, -1)
  [vote for,

Feeling a bit under the weather?

Load up this software on your computer, answer questions about your symptoms, when they occurred, existing medical conditions and medications you're currently taking. The series of questions would be different each time, getting more involved if the program detects the potential for serious illness.

The program then checks a thorough database of illnesses, conditions and drug side-effects. It gives you a few ideas (ranked in order of likelihood) as to what it might be that's making you sneeze. Also alerts you to when it would be a good idea to see a doctor.

Updates could be downloaded monthly from the manufacturer's website.

FakeGreenDress, Sep 16 2001

UK Version http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/
From [bmycroft] [jutta, Sep 16 2001]

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       If this was an interactive database, your first several visits could be for informational purposes only so that the software could learn more about you.   

       It might follow a format like this:? Did you sleep 8 hours or more in the last 24 hours?   

       Questions would have to be repeated several times at intervals to establish a baseline, and they should get more involved if, as you suggest, the program detects the potential for serious illness. The delay of diagnosis phase would reduce the risk of malpractice and decrease the number of people 'working' the system for better information about non-medical conditions like homicidiality or drug screening parameters.   

       Also, I suspect that such a system would need the express backing of a large affiliated group of physicians or an insurance carrier that would agree to post the names of providing physicians for the referral that should flow to the user of the system.
reensure, Sep 16 2001

       I was certain it was the shaggy dog story that ends: "And lastly, madam. I'm an artist. The doctor's office is across the hall."
The Military, Sep 17 2001

       Problem:- Hypercondriach's perfect present. They could diagnose themselves with a new, fatal diease, every single day. The doctors wouldn't be happy.
QuadAlpha, Sep 17 2001

       You've neglected to use iodized salt and are eating too healthy. Iodine and salt regulate the body and this nonfat food kick you've been on has caused you to get sick a little more often and with less of a break between illnesses - you are spending more time being ill than productive - the next time you get sick you will become physically ill from every orifice, and will no longer need to wear a green dress. Wait - that is a FakeGreenDress. Well, there you have it.
thumbwax, Sep 17 2001

       Ah, you Americans are behind the times, here in the UK (where healthcare is FREE by the way) we already have this.   

       Check out http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/   

bmycroft, Sep 17 2001

       Dear Virtual Doctor,   

       I have been feelingg rather unwwel after eatting the berrrries in the garden again. Mmy finggers aree shakking and I am losing focus. I am losing focus on different tasks. As time goes on, myy viision is getting blurreb. I can'tt see thjngs t00 we11. Myyy hhaannddss arrrre beginnning to swwelll and it's gettting harder to type qwordsdf. I am losing focusawd on differentre tasks. Please, for the lovewtr poidfg Godsf!@~
sdm, Sep 18 2001

       <OMG!>They killed Kenny!</OMG!>
thumbwax, Sep 18 2001


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