Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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self blowing trumpet

random trumpet fanfares to make you feel more cheerful (basically)
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these trumpet fanfares are designed to make you feel good and re-build flagging self-esteem.

a wall-mounted trumpet is linked to a computerised air compressor which in turn is activated by sensors on the roof of the building sensing the weight of small birds landing.

now this may seem a tad elaborate but by employing this method, truly random fanfares are produced; also, by relying on the activity of our feathered friends - night-time activity will be minimised, hopefully, while the birds sleep, otherwise it might get ever so slightly annoying. (mind you if a cat burglar gets on your roof, a nice warning will be set off.)

there is a rubbery attachment that sits between the air hose that leads from the compressor and the trumpet mouthpiece, which imitates the lips and tongue of a human trumpet player; also, a small row of enamel teeth. for loud trumpeting, the rubber tongue is pushed further into the mouthpiece and for softer trumpeting, the tongue is engaged behind the row of false teeth.

double tonguing is probably not practical. I am not too sure I want to know what is involved in that technique anyway.

hard rubber type fingers are attached to the instrument and it seems only natural to have air compressed pistons moving the valves up and down. it is recommended that they slam down hard. but again, this is beyond my field of expertise.

the only drawback to this that I can foresee is the hypertension aroused waiting for it to go off. what my mother used to call “waiting for the other boot” (dad taking his shoes off and dropping them on the bedroom floor)

n.b. among the earliest natural trumpets found were a set uncovered in the tomb of King Tutankhamen. King Tut seemed to know a thing or two when it came to building self-esteem.

po, Oct 10 2003

U.S. Army testing a digital bugle http://www.geek.com...e20021028016989.htm
Not the same thing at all, but vaguely relevant. [krelnik, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

'Say "ticka ticka". Repeat ad infinitum' http://www.trumpets...ez/MotoPerpetuo.ram
Rafael Mendez [lubbit, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Quintuplets http://www.trumpetg...al/0210histoire.pdf
[lubbit, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

[link]






       I knew I had forgotten something, it has a mute! thanks [krelnik]
po, Oct 10 2003
  

       Most traditional church organs include trumpets, and some of them have been automated, so you just need to downsize one of those. Though in addition to Also Sprach ZarasthruthaI and Fanfare For The Common Man, I always did want to be able to belt out Toccata and Fugue in D Minor (as featured in the original Rollerball), so maybe don't downsize my order.
DrCurry, Oct 10 2003
  

       An evening taps dance before bed would build elf-esteem.
FarmerJohn, Oct 10 2003
  

       thats not the mantra that we shared, however..
po, Oct 10 2003
  

       Chicken "ticka" masala for an Indian sound.
sufc, Oct 10 2003
  

       Hey I play the trumpet. Double tonguing does indeed involve ticka ticka. It's triple tonguing that's the tricky one (I'll let you figure it out). Flute players have to do it too, although strangely they to it differently. The most I ever heard of was quintuple tonguing :p   

       As to why you want to put the tongue into the mouthpiece for ANY reason, I don't know. To play louder... blow harder. To play quieter... blow softer. And the valves needn't be slammed down unless you want the percussion effect of metal hitting felt pads.   

       Actually natural trumpets have no valves at all - you have to get the right note by using the right amount of lip tension/air speed.   

       Fanfares often require a whole bunch of trumpets so you are going to need to dedicate the whole wall to do this properly.
lubbit, Oct 12 2003
  

       // The most I ever heard of was quintuple tonguing //   

       I'll bet they have *no* trouble picking up.   

       I want to have about a dozen of these, six on two opposing walls, with banners hanging from them.
Detly, Oct 12 2003
  

       I think, lubbit speaks with forked tongue.   

       ooh, I do hope so, UB!
po, Oct 13 2003
  

       I play too. What [lubbit] said about the tongue and for triple-tonguing say tickata tickata tickata. Can we have flutter tonguing too? That's dead easy. Just make the rubber tongur thingy blow a rasberry at the same time as playing a note.
squeak, Oct 13 2003
  

       Cool squeak! I think you must be a flute player though. Us trumpeters go TTK TTK TTK. The quintuple someone showed me was TKTKT TKTKT TKTKT for a piece with some rapid quintuplets.   

       Anyway, check link for some ticka ticka.
lubbit, Oct 13 2003
  

       Didn't the military just get some of these for use at funerals? Apparently there's a shortage of people who can blow the 3rd through 6th overtones on a bugle.
supercat, Oct 13 2003
  

       Yes, thats the first link.
krelnik, Oct 13 2003
  

       Can you name one piece of music that has quintuple tonguing? I played french horn (which is actually german, and not to be confused with the english horn, which is french) for over twenty years in orchestras, and we just kind of went noo-noo-noo. :-) Actually, I played in Italy, where the language has triple and indeed, quintuple whatevers built-in. They were gifted at the multiple la la's. Love em.
stringstretcher, Oct 27 2003
  

       stringstretcher, it was Stravinsky's Soldier's Tale (see link).
lubbit, Dec 03 2003
  
      
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