Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Precision Vandalism Party Hosting Service

The fun way to get back your security deposit
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If you're moving out of your rented place of residence/business and have a dishonest landlord/lady, you might not get back your security deposit. If you've moved far away, it might not be convenient to conduct a lawsuit. That's where our service comes in.

When you move out, leave a spare key with us. If your ex-landlord doesn't return your security deposit, we'll throw a series of parties in your ex-space. We charge for admission to these parties, but our clientele pays gladly because they know they'll have a good time. Specifically, they know they'll have a good time trashing the place. We encourage them to go wild painting the walls, kicking the doors, and offering blood sacrifices to their dread gods on the carpet.

We send you half the proceeds from the parties. So you get some of your money back and the satisfaction of knowing that your scheming ex-landlord has not profited from his crime.

lahosken, Dec 11 2002

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       Aside from a few pesky legal details (anyone wanna volunteer to be the one that goes to jail?), one minor correction would seem to be in order: "We send you half the proceeds..." would be better if it said "We send you, half, the proceeds..."
half, Dec 11 2002
  

       Love it! Would have used this service several times already. (Especially on the landlord who threw all my stuff into the back yard whilst I was out at work.) Git.
CheeseFilteredCigarette, Dec 11 2002
  

       "Honest ma'am, I don't know how they got ahold of a copy of the key, I must've accidently dropped it into a keymaking machine"   

       I just found out that the scumbags here at my complex are going to charge me $2200 for breaking my lease. 3 months rent.   

       I think my step-bro got this service by accident in the last place he left. Maybe you had the wrong house?
RayfordSteele, Dec 11 2002
  

       Sounds like a squat i used to live in.
skinflaps, Dec 11 2002
  

       can i work there?   

       Give your key to a homeless person.
BunsenHoneydew, Jan 06 2003
  

       how can i get an invite to one of these parties?
benfrost, Feb 13 2005
  
      
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