Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Air Putrefier

Synthetic flatus for elevators
  (+5, -3)
(+5, -3)
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Have you ever farted while riding solo in an elevator, only to be joined 'en route' by other passengers? If you have, you will be familiar with the feeling of shame and embarassment that ensues.

However, if a constant malodorous atmosphere could be maintained within the elevator car, none of your fellow travellers would ever suspect that you just squirted a bertie.

This idea consists of an aerosol sprayer that dispenses a dose of 'Essence of Honk' every time the door closes. A slow-release stink-impregnated gel version would also be available for lesser-used elevators.

Strangers should be made aware that this technology is in operation by a bright yellow sign.

7ennyn, Jul 25 2006

Poop Scented Candles Poop_20Scented_20Candles
Handmade by [phlish]. Get yours today! [7ennyn, Jul 26 2006]


       I encountered a similar lift in Slough some years ago that permanently smelt of urine. Fortunately, it had run out of toilet paper so there was no evidence of anything more solid.

Nonetheless, this is a commendable addition to lift/elevator manufacturers' product portfolios.

As lifts speak these days, perhaps it should just fart and then apologize. A really clever lift could pretend someone else did it. In an effort to drive customers away from competitors' restaurants to its own, a hotel lift could exude the farty stench of last night’s curry from over the road. Potential punters would be repelled and tend to visit the hotel restaurant.
DenholmRicshaw, Jul 25 2006

       A more practical approach would be to use porous flooring and a top-to-bottom ventilation system, but this is the half-bakery, practical has no place here.
Freefall, Jul 25 2006


       //This idea comprises of an aerosol sprayer//.   

       Consists of, or, comprises.   

       Sorry - that particular grammatical error is like a red rag to my pedant bull soul...
ConsulFlaminicus, Jul 26 2006

       I propose that instead of installing [7ennyn]'s "Air Putrefier" in every elevator, we simply install the "bright yellow signs" and include a web address "www.airputrefier.[country]". This aforementioned internet site will be very official looking and explain that whenever you see the yellow sign, the elevator automatically releases bodily gas smelling air into the car, so the person you may have thought stunk up the place is not at fault.   

       This is much cheaper than installing the real thing.
phundug, Jul 26 2006

       I like [Freefall]'s elevator floor made of wide gauge steel mesh. There could be an open drain with gurgling water in the bottom of the shaft.
bungston, Jul 26 2006

       Or skip that whole shennanigans and just put up a sign saying "No one has farted. It's the elevator."
wagster, Jul 26 2006

       [ConsulFlaminicus] - Please accept my apologies for insulting your grammatical aesthetics. Duly rectified! ;-) However, my mental XML parser informs me that your <pedant> tag is missing its end-tag </pedant>.   

       I do like [DenholmRicshaw]'s apologetic talking lift suggestion. - As long as intelligent elevators of the future won't develop a taste for mischief and start blaming their passengers.
7ennyn, Jul 26 2006

       Dear God, it's a pedant battle! Cover your heads! Hide the children! Offer your wives as diversions!   

shapu, Jul 26 2006

       I would be hesitant to take advice on elevator design from someone called [Freefall]!
7ennyn, Jul 26 2006

       I'll take the stairs.
st3f, Jul 28 2006


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