Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Arctic explorer pantomime horse costumes

For practicality and safety
  [vote for,

It struck me that Arctic explorers have several problems to deal with, low temperatures, hidden crevasses and Polar bear predation.

The obvious answer is that explorers wear pantomime horse costumes. That way they share body heat, if one of them falls into a crevasse the other one is already connected and can drag them out, and I'm reasonably sure that no pantomime horse has ever been spotted north of the Arctic circle and so it is unlikely to figure in a Polar bear's established list of fun things to eat.

PS got bored last year and wrote up some old HB ideas into stories, movie rights still unexpectedly available. Shea linq

not_morrison_rm, Apr 04 2011

(?) stories http://www.junkmailnomore.biz/stories.doc
[not_morrison_rm, Apr 04 2011]

how not to do it http://www.youtube....watch?v=w29QxilQw8Y
[not_morrison_rm, Apr 05 2011]

Centaur sneaking into town to get a big mac http://www.devianta...-disguise-179507382
The same, but from a different reason [not_morrison_rm, Oct 30 2014]

Heresy!!!! Pink pantomime horse Unbelievers!!!! https://s3.yimg.com...questrian-range.jpg
Break out a fatwa [not_morrison_rm, Oct 30 2014]

The more recent adaptation of HB idea Wireless_20energy_2...ia_20b****_20p****r
being the other way to distribute power in urban areas. [not_morrison_rm, Mar 24 2016]


       I can find no fault with this idea.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 04 2011

       I can see the dramatic panout helicopter shot, showing the lonely line of pantomime horses crossing the unbroken arctic wastes.   

       There could be a dramatic scene (this would be a drama, with many dramatic scenes) where the polar bear attacks after all, ripping away the back half of the pantomime horse. All are relieved when it turned out the explorer there had already frozen to death some days prior, which serendipitously also explained the slow progress of that horse.
bungston, Apr 04 2011

       As the final volts of juice in the outpost's battery powers the vacant hiss of the radio, a faint musical score can be heard through the pops and crackles, a 1917 big band recording of "The Old Grey Mare", the scene fades on the last surviving explorer draped in the eviscerated carcass of a fallen fellow adventurer, as if a pantomime horse, and rolls credits.
rcarty, Apr 04 2011

       "Behind you!"
4whom, Apr 04 2011

       "I am just going outside and may be equine."
rcarty, Apr 04 2011

       Arctic nee artic - hurrah, that's been driving me nuts for hours. the exploror doesn't bother me.
The_Saint, Apr 04 2011

       //sp. Arctic// Is that better?   

       //"I am just going outside and may be equine."// That's so bad..but maybe I'm just one of those neigh-sayers?
not_morrison_rm, Apr 04 2011

       Please can you confirm that this has nothing at all to do with The Human Centipede which I happened to mistakenly watch for all of 2 minutes last night before safely getting back to QI.
The_Saint, Apr 04 2011

       //You coming Scott?//   

       Scott's much-maligned choce of ponies as draft animals is vindicated by this idea. (No polar bears down there, but those penguins can be pretty vicious. Break a man's arm, they can.)
mouseposture, Apr 04 2011

       One could dress as polar bears themselves rather than ponies. Large enough fake bears in a pack should ward off any interested single bears, unless it wants to join the pack. I think the only thing that would take on a pack of polar bears is the Rumplemintze Valkyrie.
bungston, Apr 04 2011

       Rumple Minze and I vote for the Valkyrie costume.
FlyingToaster, Apr 05 2011

       A polar bear will try to get food out of anything that isn't snow and some things that are. a "horse" is perfectly good food to a polar bear.
WcW, Apr 05 2011

       Seems quite sensible to me - I'm feeding it this croissant. +
xenzag, Apr 05 2011

       //Scott's much-maligned choce of ponies as draft animals//   

       so, maybe they weren't ponies after all...   

       //One could dress as polar bears//   

       ..as the explorers in the pantomime horse outfit flee from the explorer in the bear suit who only wanted to get a light from his cigarette.   

       //A polar bear will try to get food out of anything // if you take a look at the /how not to do it link/, it's interesting that the lioness (?) gets completely spooked and just runs off with part of the costume..so it might have some effect.   

       And, a self funding project as sell footage to the BBC wildlife channel...
not_morrison_rm, Apr 05 2011

       If the Top Gear team can drive to the North Pole then it strikes me that exploring has become far too easy. I feel that this idea is an admirable attempt to address the problem. In entertainment terms, it would be better if we could be more definite about the polar bear issue. Perhaps some part of the pantomime horse could be smeared in seal grease (either with or without the explorer's permission).
DrBob, Apr 05 2011

       dressing as a polar bear would only work if the outfit was huge and the explorers inside were willing to put up a commensurate fight. polar bears are territorial hunters and will attack fiercely any bear that wanders into their territory. The bear is either going to get a meal or a very convincing sexing or, in some cases both.
WcW, Apr 05 2011

       //Rumplemintze Valkyrie// Why is is that no one ever draws Iorek Byrnison like he is in the books? And that Lyra, she should dress a bit warmer, catch 'er death, she will..   

       I'm thinking this might help when the polar bears notice the slight connection between less and less habitat and more and more of them two-legged things wandering around. That way the pantomime horses get take the rap and we can go "naah, not us mate".
not_morrison_rm, Apr 05 2011

       was the title always like that ?
FlyingToaster, Apr 05 2011

       I've been meaning to explore the attic for some time now.
RayfordSteele, Apr 05 2011

       I think combining this idea with the sky-diving sex could really be good! [+] Sky-diving, sex-having, pantomime horse costume explorers!!
xandram, Apr 05 2011

       To fend off bears, perhaps the horse could get bigger (an inflatable costume...) in response to threats. On the otherhand, this might not help with the sexing from more modern but very lonely bears.
saedi, Apr 05 2011

       <theatrical trailer><voice over>"They were six best friends from theatre school." *shot of them practicing pantomime horse in class* "With everything in the world going for them" *shot of them drinking and laughing at the bar with women* "who were about to go on the adventure of their lives that they never would have expected" *shot of five them lounging around on a Sunday and one enters with a treasure map* "With no formal training in Arctic expeditions they set out with the only things they had, and the only thing they knew" * //dramatic panout helicopter shot, showing the lonely line of pantomime horses crossing the unbroken arctic wastes.//*...</tt></vo>
rcarty, Apr 05 2011

       //was the title always like that//   

       No, I was just wondering if I could get as far as Antic Exploders (by changing one letter a day) without anyone noticing.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 05 2011

       New idea there, but I'll not post it =)
normzone, Apr 05 2011

       //New idea there, but I'll not post it //   

       Be my guest.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 06 2011

       Parallel development, centaur sneaking into town. Link. And girlie pink version...(vomits into sickbag)..
not_morrison_rm, Oct 30 2014

       public:ecology:fauna ?   

       public:ecology:fauna ?   

       public:ecology:fauna ?   

       I'm going to offer my services as a category consultant. I'll set up a Patreon account, and you can have me 24/7 for a monthly fee or office hours on a pay per basis.
normzone, Oct 30 2014

       /Break out a fatwa / I think one more properly "busts out" a fatwa.   

       I was laughing at rcarty's theatrical trailer up there. And look how comprehensible he was in 2011!
bungston, Oct 30 2014

       Hey! HEY! What happened to the (?) stories promised in that link? Posted on some flybynight website? Stick them right here, I say. HB is rock solid as websites go.
bungston, Mar 22 2016

       I lost them, but on the other hand one derived more recently (see linky) turn up as Sherlock Holmesish "The Case of the Etheric Engineers" which went nowhere on Kindle.   

       Not to worry I am planning to start on another Sherlock Holmes one, with a plot device of which I cannot speak at this point...probably take 6 months and only of interest to your humble narrator.
not_morrison_rm, Mar 24 2016

       Very sensible - but would substitute "centipede costume" for "pantomime horse costumes", for all of the obvious reasons.
xenzag, Mar 24 2016


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