Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Australian wedding sugarcraft

It's custard powered.
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Meringues are somewhat underexploited as a material for clothing, as are sugar glass and marshmallow, although they have occasionally been cited in court as a result of being placed in strategic positions.

Anyway, consider a wedding. The bride and groom have separate clothes, an organist or other musicians often need to be employed, a wedding cake needs to be prepared, vehicles need to be hired for arrival at the venue and departure for the honeymoon and the newly weds frequently have to improvise with the food available in the minibar for conjugal eroticism. A long and complicated process.

Imagine, therefore, the following. A tandem wedding dress with twin helium-filled meringue bodices, marshmallow skirts, rice paper veils and sugar glass mechanics. The happy couple don the two halves of the wedding dress separately and lower their veils to avoid bad luck. They then power up the custard-powder fuelled two stroke engines which generate the lift for the sugar glass fans and propellers which provide the lift for the air cushions underneath the marshmallow skirts, enabling bride and groom to glide towards the venue. On arrival, the groom parks himself at the front and the bride comes down the aisle using variable revs on her engine to play an appropriate tune such as the Wedding March, or maybe "I Do I Do I Do I Do I Do". They say their vows and the dresses interlock as they lift each others' veils to kiss, then glide off together to the reception, where the guests are allowed to eat a sacrificial proportion of the dress.

After the reception, the couple hover off to their homeymoon, which can be separated from the wedding venue by a variety of surface conditions, including water, quagmire, soil or shrubbery. Since they are in Australia, it rarely rains and their dress is not at risk of dissolving. The snow white meringue and marshmallow fabrics reflect the sun's radiation and the foam of the meringue acts as insulation against the heat. On reaching their hotel, they slide gracefully across the swimming pool into the lobby and the ground floor honeymoon sweet, sorry, suite, where they proceed to eat the dress in an erotic ritual intended to cement their relationship, with the exception of the pistons, batteries, spark plugs and cylinders. In post-coital bliss, they enter the shower and the dress dissolves, aside from a few bits to be posted off to guests who couldn't make it. They then keep the engines as a souvenir of the wedding, turning them on in a ceremonial gesture of nostalgia each anniversary.

This would make weddings considerably cheaper and easier to organise, and give the groom a chance to wear a wedding dress, because at the moment it's just not fair. To further simplify things, the dress could be assembled from meringue, rice paper and marshmallow RSVPs sent back from potential guests.

Oh, and the marshmallow is veggie.

nineteenthly, Oct 19 2008

...or cream puffs. http://blogs.dfw.co...f_a_white_wedd.html
mmmmmmmmm, cream puffs. [2 fries shy of a happy meal, Oct 19 2008]

(?) Snap shot of 19thly in the early 70's http://orangecow.or...t/pics/blancmng.jpg
What is your dastardly plan now? [MikeD, Oct 19 2008]


       Diamonds (chemically identical to coal and burnt sugar (ok some lattice differences)) are given as a sign of longevity of commitment. Something that decays at a certain humidity, or temperature, might not be that alluring to the newly-weds.   

       Unless, of course, the ANC is written on rice paper.   

       Also, given that bees will arrive, needs more jam...
4whom, Oct 19 2008

       A distinct case of: For whom the belling tolls....
4whom, Oct 19 2008

       The bees are all gone. The cylinders can have diamonds inlaid in them if you like.
nineteenthly, Oct 19 2008

       Most of it would be gone. It's been eaten by the guests and smushed in the mad passionate lovemaking. No danger of a sugar overload. Also, the mucilage in the marshmallow would slow sugar absorption, which is why it's veggie.
nineteenthly, Oct 19 2008

       You might have pulled the wool over the eyes of the others, [19thly], but I know what you are! <link>
MikeD, Oct 19 2008

       Well, as i've said before, i never wanted to be a herbalist. I wanted to be...A LUMBERJACK!
nineteenthly, Oct 20 2008

       Are you ok?
Spacecoyote, Oct 20 2008

       I dunno, sleep all night, ha! Chance'd be a fine thing. So would working all day.   

       I've got past my mid-life crisis, unlike [grayure] it seems.
nineteenthly, Oct 20 2008

       Actually I hadn't.
nineteenthly, Oct 05 2014


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