Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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BASE jumping rocket assist

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BASE jumping is one of the finest means yet devised for removing idiots from the gene pool.

However, it has limitations.

One of the main ones is that the would-be jumper has to get quite high up before leaping towards death.

This can be problematic.

Do not despair, ye suicidal numpties ! Help is at hand !

BorgCo engineers, in conjunction with Dignitas and The Kevorkian Foundation, have taken the design of the Martin-Baker "Zero-Zero " ejection seat, and adapted it for the commercial market.

The would-be jumper simply dons their 'chute and sits in the seat. A pyrotechnic charge propels them upward, and a rocket harness then pulls them up to the MSA for deployment.

This allows BASE jumping to be carried out in previously unattractive locations, such as your front driveway, and bring the joys of major musculo -skeletal damage to those parts of you planet, like the Netherlands and the Russian and Ukrainian Steppe, where up to now reckless driving in poorly-maintained vehicles was the only realistic option.

8th of 7, Dec 03 2017




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