Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Bear Attack Deterrent

Me 'n My Army quick-inflatable Bear Attack Deterrent
  (+22, -1)(+22, -1)(+22, -1)
(+22, -1)
  [vote for,

Uses air bag technology, coupled with linked inflatable mannequins, to deter bear attacks on hikers.

Hiker wears a small air-bag pouch on each side of backpack, containing several inflatable human figures. By pulling the ripcord attached to the pack shoulder strap, the figures rapidly inflate and form a chain of human figures on each side of the hiker. This would not only baffle an attacking bear by providing human decoys, but experience has shown bears to be unwilling to attack a party of about five or six people, so this invention would provide "safety in numbers". Extra protection could be provided by using business C.E.O. look-alikes, although the user may then be legally liable if this causes the bear to die of panic.

riccoman, Oct 14 2004

Bear Proof Suit http://www.newscien...rticle.ns?id=dn1668
at the Ignobel awards [JesusHChrist, Feb 17 2005]

(?) 50 mm ammunition for [scout] [he wasn't serious] http://www.douglasl...com/images/Army.jpg
[normzone, Feb 18 2005]

Bear repellent http://www.safetygearhq.com/bearspray.htm
Probably works a wonder on people... Not sure I'd test it with a bear though. [ye_river_xiv, Aug 20 2008]


       You could market a variation on this product here in California - the mountain lion version, which would make you look 10 foot tall and 5 foot wide.   

       As a freediving spearo, I'd recommend a Great White Shark version too, except that you need to be able to see The Landlord coming in order for it to do you any good.
normzone, Oct 14 2004

       Common advice to hikers who are threatened by a predator is to try to make yourself look as large and menacing as possible. This could also be another ideal use for [Nontaigne]'s "Inflato-Suit" idea in a back-country setting.
jurist, Oct 14 2004

       Ah, where's [toejam] with that beautiful bit of bear wisdom?
lintkeeper2, Oct 14 2004

zen_tom, Oct 14 2004

       What you should do is, when the bear chases you quickly dig a pit and light a fire in it. You will have some free time while you wait for it to burn down to ashes so use this time to line the outer rim of your pit with peas.

When the bear bends over to take a pea kick him in the ash hole.

       Found it! In the bear-be-gone vest idea:   

       "Most outdoorsy Canadians can tell you the best preparation for potential bear encounters: Wear little bells and carry pepper spray. Also - it is very important to be able to recognize different types of bear poo. Black bears are not as dangerous as others and their poo will have berries in it and maybe bits of squirrel fur. Grizzly bear poo will have little bells in it and smell like pepper."   

       -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- toejam, Oct 23 2003
lintkeeper2, Oct 15 2004

       Or, instead of human figures, have really large bear figures inflate when dealing a menacing bear. Bears aren't usually intimidated by humans, but then know how dangerous other bears can be. If you get your own army, you'll be safe. [+]
Pericles, Oct 18 2004

       [Unabubba], the bends would only be a risk if you were diving on SCUBA. A freediver has a lungfull of surface pressure air, and no nitrogen loading from breathing pressurized air at depth.   

       But you're right about a rocket trip to the top. I have an CO2 inflatable vest I wear when freediving in case I need to punch out quickly.
normzone, Oct 18 2004

       I'm voting for this, but I hope you do some testing before you market it. And no, I'm not volunteering to be a beta tester...
scad mientist, Oct 18 2004

       For the first time in 150 years someone has been killed by a Swedish bear. The mangled body of a missing hunter was found today in the bear’s den. The corpse has yet to be recovered since it’s still guarded by the hunter-shot and angry bear.
FarmerJohn, Oct 18 2004

       [Unabubba] Well, only 15m so far. Still working on that next 5 meters.   

       It is great fun, although doing so does put me in the highest risk group for shark bite [dress up like lunch and loiter on the tabletop].
normzone, Oct 19 2004

       Bear Attack Deterrent: A glock?
nicepalmtrees, Feb 16 2005

       [nicepalmtrees] Is that an abbreviation of "glockenspiel"?
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 16 2005

       Absoloutely. If you whipped out a foldable glockenspiel and begun chiming away that would surely phase the bears into retreat.
nicepalmtrees, Feb 16 2005

       I own a Glock, and I say, rather a glockenspiel than a Glock, at least for bear. The 9mm is a rather puny round, no matter how many of the stings you hold in your quiver.
normzone, Feb 16 2005

       You've no idea how weird it is for a Brit to hear people talking about owning guns. You get locked up for that stuff around here.
wagster, Feb 16 2005

       My sympathies, over here across the pond it's like talking about cars or computers.
normzone, Feb 16 2005

       Well, you could readily kill someone with a steak knife or a ball point pen, but this seems to escape notice most of the time. And the Internal Revenue Service is killing me with THEIR computers.   

       The .50 handguns use a round that's about two inches long. The military .50 round is about four inches long. I hear it's still tough on the wrists to fire the Desert Eagle or the Smith & Wesson revolver.   

       [Edit] per [energy guy] anno below.   

       Hunting? Who said anything about hunting? I was commenting on the foolishness of using a pistol for self-defense vs a bear.
normzone, Feb 17 2005

       I think I prefer riccoman's idea, rather than the use of guns. Personally, I abhor hunting.
energy guy, Feb 17 2005

       "Gang warfare between LA's 'RollerBalls' and the 'Fine Points' escalated again today. Police responded using trained bears to disperse the crowds. Several injuries were reported, and one person was reported killed by a glockenspiel. The glockenspiel is a supposedly non-lethal weapon used by police to control crowds".
normzone, Feb 17 2005

       <Sign in the far country> "In case of bear attack, don't come in here!"
reensure, Feb 18 2005

       If rival street gang members competed in live one on one glockenspiel 'battles', competing to see who can bust out the phattest percussion to the Schnitzelbank song, the killing would stop.
nicepalmtrees, Feb 18 2005

       Oh, it's not a bad idea, but you might want to use some of the expanding gases in a muzzle brake.
normzone, Feb 18 2005

       I once saw a live demo of a door-breaching round - must've been at least 100mm - half went one way (mostly water), half went into the door. Hand-held, though wearing full bomb disposal armour.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 18 2005

       Back to the main idea: I can't help thinking that this would be a fabulous invention to take to parties. You'd never go alone again. Always be in the center of a crowd. Look popular, and witty, make it impossible to injure yourself on sharp corners.
k_sra, Feb 19 2005

       [normzone] "the bends would only be a risk if you were diving on SCUBA. A freediver has a lungfull of surface pressure air, and no nitrogen loading from breathing pressurized air at depth" you're wrong: freediving will also push nitrogen into the blood. The lungfull of air is compressed as you dive (hence, your lungs shrink), and its pressure rises to equal that of the water. Pearl and sponge divers (freedivers) do suffer from the decompression sickness. But most freedivers do not spend long enough, often enough at depth (in rapid succession) for it to be a problem.
Basepair, Feb 19 2005

       I probably should have said " no significant nitrogen loading " compared to scuba.   

       And the compression reversing as you ascend can actually draw your remaining oxygen back out of your bloodstream as you near the surface, leading to the most common cause of freediver death, shallow water blackout.
normzone, Feb 27 2006

       Charging bears are in attack mode already, they don't need more provocation. This is similar to the idea of dropping your pack to distract the bear; however, it has been show that the bear will often ignore the pack and continue straight for the person.   

       Bears are not stupid!   

       The idea that the human shape would help any is: misguided.
johnbakersmon, Aug 20 2008

       Well having grown up in bear-infested areas I think this actually could be a good idea, although you would risk puncturing the balloons on branches and rocks. Perhaps if you had multiple sectioned chambers (one per each inflatable human).   

       Maybe one C02 cartridge could blow a whistle. Even a charging, angry bear would think twice.   

       It would be very important that your profile changes significantly, though. So if all the inflatable humans lay down on the ground, or if they line up behind you, then this is all a waste of effort.   

       If it succeeds you can have a small orgy, there in the woods, to celebrate your continued existence.
mylodon, Aug 20 2008

       This idea has now been half-baked by the BBC. I saw a TV trailer the other night for some new show where an innocent passer-by was moved along by a gang of surly youths. Once the passer-by had moved off the only real person in the gang deflated the other members and stowed them safely away in his backpack.
DrBob, Aug 20 2008


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