Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Bear Neccessities

Donut shops run by Bears for Hunters.
(+3, -3)
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Bear hunting is becoming an increasingly popular sport. Bear hunters are willing to pay a lot of money but expect comfortable facilities, and a high probability of successfully killing a large bear. A popular method is for the hunting guides to bait bears with donuts for several weeks in advance of the bear season, at a location not to far from the lodge. As a result of this process, bears become increasingly domesticated and acquire a taste for a reliable source of jelly donuts, which can make them a nuisance bear. They still require several years to increases to their full size potential.

To make full use of this valuable natural resource, and protect the Bears until they reach a ripe old age, it is proposed that these domesticated bears be trained to work in donut shops, serving coffee and donuts to backpackers, forest workers, and hunters. The worker bears can be paid in donuts with the donuts left over at the end of each day, but without the additional transportation cost. The management positions would of course be taken up by the wildlife management officers. They are only bears afterall. The bears would not have to be employed or paid during the winter season, since their hibernation efficiently coincides with less eco-tourism activity in the woods. The bears would receive a full pension in donuts, though it would not have to be for very long. Theses bears would be employed from the age of adolesence right up to the age of obsolesence, at which time they can be retired with full dignity and respect during the Spring or Fall hunting season. A productive gainfully employed bear is a happy bear.

JAK, Jul 30 2005


       I was reading about bear hunting only yesterday. I would be ashamed to kill such a magnificent animal. Are you serious about the bears being tamed (well, sort of) with doughnuts beforehand?
david_scothern, Jul 30 2005

       Will they be serving golden lox?
FarmerJohn, Jul 30 2005

       Bear hunting is still a way of thinning out a nuisance in rural areas. hold your indignation until you read up on bear attacks on farm animals and people in the US.
dentworth, Jul 30 2005

       That's a good point. If population control is needed, hunting seems a fair way to do it. However, I'd not be able to look at myself in the mirror having killed something so big and so awesome purely for my own gratification.   

       On a related note, could you seriously say that people paying $8,000 for the hunt, plus $6,500 trophy fee, are doing it to control the bear population? Yes, it provides employment, boosts the local economy, reduces the threat that bears pose and many other undeniably good things, but at the centre of it all there's a little man who expects to head out into the wild, in total safety, to prove how macho he is by killing a bear.   

       I say give him a club and send him to face the bear. Let him prove himself that way.
david_scothern, Jul 30 2005

       Interesting you make that point, there are seasons for firearms hunting, and seasons for crossbow only hunting, and there are restrictions on denned bears which vary across the country. Crossbow is still a formidable weapon, but frankly I wouldn't face a bear with one.
dentworth, Jul 30 2005

       Are you any relation to HAK, LAIMAK, and BALIKEKMEK?
waugsqueke, Jul 30 2005


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