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Body Skiing

Like Body Surfing
  [vote for,

Take a Teflon-type-coated body suit (padded, of course), ski gloves and boots (gloves and boots with skis at appropriate angles for skiing on your stomach), and ski, flat on your stomach, down an already-avalanched, rock-and-tree-removed slope.

Should be something like the skeleton, only you don't need a sled, and you won't fly out of the ice track to your doom. You can also go where you like, instead of just through the track.

galukalock, Feb 28 2003

(?) TuxRacer http://www.tuxracer.com/
The greatest video game, ever. [thumbwax, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Padded condom. To The X-treme!! http://www.halfbake...o_20the_20X-treme!!
[sambwiches, Oct 04 2004]

(?) Luge Suit http://www.orvis.co..._id=946&subcat_id=1
Race down the slopes on your butt [DrCurry, Oct 04 2004]


       So, am I actually sliding down the entire slope with my belly in contact with the ground? (In which case, OUCH!) Or, am I grasping a pair of skis in permanent push-up position? (In which case, I can't imagine many people having the physical stamina to enjoy this for prolonged runs.)
jurist, Feb 28 2003

       [jurist], on your belly, but not ouch. The Teflon and padding should be quite enough to get you down the smoothed slope in (relative) comfort.   

       [TomBomb], yes, you could probably slide down in any position.
galukalock, Feb 28 2003

       Is my nose a rudder?
thumbwax, Feb 28 2003

       Um...<eyes 'wax's nose>...no.
galukalock, Feb 28 2003

       In that context, thinking of possible alternatives, *OUCH!*
DrCurry, Feb 28 2003

       Skis and snowboards use rails to turn, your body dosen't have rails, you won't be able to turn.
Gulherme, Mar 01 2003

       This sounds like a better idea for a video game character than real life.
There are not many interesting slopes free enough of the terrain contours ("bumps"), organic obstacles ("trees", "bushes", and "roots"), and geological features ("big f*king rocks") that will impart structural damage ("broken bones", "lacerations" and "bruises") on real live humans attempting this sport.
Not to mention the high likelihood of losing directional control and irrevocably damaging the control unit ("spinning out and busting your brain open").
roby, Mar 01 2003

       [Gulherme], as I said, you have skis on your gloves and boots.   

       [roby], I mentioned said dangerous items ("pre-avalanched, pre-rock-and-tree-removed slope"), and acknowledged the need for removal of such ("yank them rocks 'n' trees 'n' bumps outta there") before attempting aforementioned sport ("YEEEHAAAHH!!").
galukalock, Mar 01 2003

       I also don't quite understand. If the purpose is to use skis to get down, why bother with teflon suit? I at first thought you were talking about a non-winter sport. If yes, you'll have a lot more trouble dealing with abrasion and friction on your ski bottoms. The invention you'd need is all-season skis, not teflon for your bod.
If you're thinking of this as another way of getting down snow-covered mountains, it's not practical for actual ski runs. If you've never tried it, the reason we wear the long narrow things on our feet when we ski is because we need the full leverage of our body to control forward velocity.
Once you get any speed going down an open slope, don't count on your arm muscles being able to stop you or turn you away from running into someone or something harder than you.
roby, Mar 01 2003

       This would definitely be a winter sport.   

       <sarcasm type="friendly">The purpose of the skis is merely control. The purpose of Teflon is to decrease said friction. The purpose of removing hard obstacles is safety. The purpose of going down face-first, on your stomach, is thrill.</sarcasm>
galukalock, Mar 01 2003

       Can anybody help this poor soul learn how to do regular skiing first? (seriously though, if someone takes me to see the snow for the first time in my life, I promise I'll test this body skiing suit, regardless of the inminent fractures).
Pericles, Mar 01 2003

       Oh well, thrills you want. Then simply leave a few scary looking hard obstacles on the course.
roby, Mar 01 2003

       //ski, flat on your stomach, down a pre-avalanched, pre-rock-and-tree-removed slope//
Shouldn't that read: post-avalanched, post-rock-and-tree-removed slope? I mean, I can only take so much dain bramage.
thumbwax, Mar 01 2003

       You know what I mean: they pre-groom the mountain. But if it confuses people...
galukalock, Mar 01 2003

       <From safety of bar, 8th of 7 contemplates paramedics loading [galukalock]'s limp and unresponsive body into a body bag>
8th of 7, Mar 01 2003

       You think you're gonna be able to steer with your hands and feet? You crazy, bro.   

       Actually, this might be fun on a low-grade course, but that's pretty baked. Kids been throwing themselves down snowy hills a long time, minus the "ski gloves and boots," which I still don't really get.   

       +, but only, as 8th notes, as a spectator sport.
snarfyguy, Mar 01 2003

       9.5 on that run, by the way.
snarfyguy, Mar 01 2003

       "Ski gloves and boots" is my generic term for what you'd wear on your hands and feet to steer. As for how *well* you'd be able to steer, you'd definitely need some good hand- and footwear to keep control. I also envisage a good flat part at the bottom to give you room to stop.   

       Thanks for the mark; I've been practicing a lot.
galukalock, Mar 01 2003

       we used to do something similar back home when I was a kid.   

       It involved an icey road on a hill and a metal tray from someones mums kitchen.   

       it was good fun until that post office van incident....
TonyDevilUK, Mar 03 2003

       I used to do this. Down hill sledding without a sled, wearing a hooded nylon parka. On my back, head first. The stomach thing doesn't work out - you bang your face into the ground too much. Forget steering. Even with something on your hands, it's not happening. You'll break a wrist before you change your direction.   

       Go on your back and it's fine. You can't see where you're going, but there's not much you can do about it anyway. Find a safe hill, lots of snow, no obstacles. It's a ball.
waugsqueke, Mar 03 2003

       Since you've more or less done it, how well can you steer with your feet?
galukalock, Mar 03 2003

       I recall many times unintentionally sliding face first down the hill when skiing. Largest problems: snow in face packed behind your sunglasses and snow down shirt. Maybe if you came up with some sort of clear plastic bubble to go over your head and the top of your shirt, so you can watch the action without the snow-covered face. Or go down on your back, feet first with your head up. Maybe instead of the teflon suit you could sit on some kind of metal dish with handles.
Worldgineer, Mar 03 2003

       [Worldgindrinker], you mean a sledge?
Mayfly, Mar 03 2003

       [flymay] Don't know what a sledge is (other than the hammer), but I was describing a snow disk I recall from my childhood.
Worldgineer, Mar 03 2003

       Modification: imagine the position your arms are in to drive a car (both hands on the wheel, please). Now, holding that position, grab the handles of the hand skis. The skis curve up in front of your fists, and hug your forearms. Voila, steering; and by supporting yourself on your forearms and elbows, you avoid snow down your suit.
galukalock, Mar 03 2003

       [worldginswiller] A sledge is a luge/sleigh/bobsled. All very similar.
Mayfly, Mar 03 2003

       // how well can you steer with your feet? //   

       Completely not at all. There's no steering to be had. T'is why you have to pick your hills carefully. This is not as big a problem as it seems, at least it wasn't for us.
waugsqueke, Mar 03 2003

       Okay. Well, the modification I made (see anno) should work then. Even if you have only a little steering, it's better than nothing.
galukalock, Mar 03 2003

       How long does it take to recuperate from an icenema?
thumbwax, Mar 03 2003

       Better than someone else arresting you with an ice-axe, I s'pose.
briandamage, Mar 03 2003

       Hmmm... A mountain full of flailing people hurling themselves downhill while wielding ice axes. Something tells me ski patrol will be earning their pay on this slope.
Worldgineer, Mar 03 2003

       Hey, I had nothing to do with ice-axes, okay? Nor do I condone their use in this sport. Besides, why would you arrest yourself with an ice-ax(e) while going headfirst?
galukalock, Mar 03 2003

       It would really suck if some teenager thought it would be a good prank to switch signs with the double black diamond mogul hill.
RayfordSteele, Mar 04 2003

       //There's no steering to be had.//   

       There is [waugs]. On your stomach you can ‘snowplow’ by keeping your hands locked together and using your forearms / elbows to control direction by shifting your weight, while dragging your feet to control speed and orientation.   

       I do this in slippery outerwear (with the kids of course), so I don’t have much use for the Teflon, but I’m croissanting this idea for the exoskeleton – sometimes it hurts to surf like that.
Shz, Mar 04 2003

       As kids we'd plummet down slopes using an empty plastic fertiliser sack. it's not too fast for the first runs but as the slope gets polished, it gets faster. After dark once the surface freezes it's even faster. But to this day I've never been able to work out why the 2 girls thought they could use a milk crate as a sledge. They got 100 feet before the crate disintegrated into 1000's of inch long plastic shards.
oneoffdave, Mar 05 2003

       galukalock, have you ever had the pleasure of playing TuxRacer? link
thumbwax, Apr 01 2003

       My backpacking pal and I play at "Ottering." Great fun on spring trips into the Alaskan backcountry. Procedure: select suitable snow-covered slope, remove backpack, zip clothing (critical, obvious, yet occasionally bypassed), lie on belly in skydiving position (back arched, hands, feet and face off snow), start sliding and holler with joy. Equipment required: slippery outerwear and someone willing to drag your backpack to the bottom. Limitations: no steering at all, and precious little braking. Rules: Yield to *real* Otters. Recommendation: Stop before reaching open water (See limitations). +
Don Quixote, Apr 02 2003

       thumbwax, it came with my Linux distro, but unfortunately the video driver supplied doesn't want to work in fullscreen. I have heard about it though, and it sounds fun.
galukalock, Apr 02 2003

       That's too bad - you can download it for Linux or Windows - If I'm on Windows, the screen size is smaller - Linux, full size. Gonna play a little right now on the "Who Says Penguins Can't Fly?" course. aaaaaaah 200 kph Penguin
thumbwax, Apr 10 2003

       Well, my other computer runs Windoze, so I'll give it a shot.
galukalock, Apr 10 2003

       Sounds a whole hell of a lot like sledding. Of course, I sled on a thin piece of plastic, on my stomach. I wiped uot one time and bloodshed occurred....it was awesome. (Just a split lip)
Eugene, Oct 03 2003

       George, George, George of the ski slope, brave as he can be... look out for that tree!
Zimmy, Oct 04 2003

       Next time you go skiing, grab a trashbag from the lodge and fit it over yourself like a jacket. Once you have a good amount of speed built up and find a nice curved downslope, lean to the side and stick your feet straight up in the air. you can almost have controll by setting your feet down and carving.
snw, Aug 30 2004


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