Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Strap *this* to the back of your cat.

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Dachshund Luge

Winter Pet Fun
  (+14, -20)(+14, -20)
(+14, -20)
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Place a dachshund in a special bag and rest the little fellow at the top of a snowy hill. Wait for the signal, and once ready give a firm push. Time them over a series of heats, and the dog who makes it down the quickest is given a blue ribbon and then buried.
benfrost, Jun 28 2002

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       ben, have you been eating your paints and drinking your paint thinner again?
runforrestrun, Jun 28 2002
  

       We might have concerns about doing this even to cats, foul vermin that they are. Doing it to helpless little Dachshunds is reprehensible. However, if you'd like to try it in person, [benfrost], we have a mailbag ready, and know where there's a steep hill.
8th of 7, Jun 28 2002
  

       I've nothing against dachshunds but my twisted little brain does find that very funny. Croissant, despite the cruelty.   

       [admin: spelling changed daschund -> dachshund] Somone let me know if Ben's used an accepted variant that I'm not aware of and I'll put it back.
st3f, Jun 28 2002
  

       Quite cruel. What's next, hooking one to your fishing line and chumming for toxic sharks? Bad ben, sit.
dag, Jun 28 2002
  

       If it lands in the icy drink, will it be a Dachshundae?
thumbwax, Jun 30 2002
  

       I have to admit that the mental imagery this conjures up is very amusing, so despite the possible controversy this idea has/may spark I have to vote for it.
kaz, Jun 30 2002
  

       This is the greatest idea ever. So much better than chihuahua punting.
waugsqueke, Jul 01 2002
  

       for an extra dose of winter pet sport, add a jump here and there and see the little beasts flip and fly high in the air on their way to the bottom. cute!
benfrost, Dec 10 2004
  

       Are you mocking the fine high-skill sport of luge?
Worldgineer, Feb 07 2005
  

       to mock such a fine art would be to suggest alsation or even pony luge - but the dachshund - never!- no other beast has been more cleverly designed (with its little legs and pointed nose) for this snowy downhill pursuit!
benfrost, Feb 08 2005
  

       I mock your skills of mocking! Ha!
DesertFox, Feb 08 2005
  

       But you luge lying on your back, feet first. Skeleton is the one where you go head first. So [benfrost] if you can think of an animal with a pointy, aerodynamic arse, you're onto a winner.   

       <smirks smugly> I've luged, y'know. Yes, on an olympic run. <ss>
squeak, Mar 02 2005
  

       Kangaroos have a pointy tail, and you could put a small booster rocket in the pouch for added speed. I'm sorry, I cringe even as I write this. Thank god ideas on the 1/2b stay on the 1/2b. Or do they? Don't even think about it, ben.
Paradiddlellogram, Nov 18 2005
  

       Is the race timed to when their noses cross the finish line, or their tails?   

       How long does the track have to be to ensure that their noses cross the finish line sometime after their tails cross the starting checkpoint?   

       If you took a dachshund and let it's tail fall into the event horizon of a black hole, would the head die of old age before falling in?
RayfordSteele, Sep 26 2016
  

       I've done an indicated fifty MPH on a road luge - and I have an aerodynamic arse.
normzone, Sep 26 2016
  

       Great if you go down arse-first I suppose.
RayfordSteele, Sep 26 2016
  
      
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