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Bridal Path

this thin pretence at virginity has been ah punctured
  [vote for,

I was at a civil marriage the other day, my first such, which I found regrettably dull. On the other hand I had to admire the happy couple for their staunch secular stand, because in my circles in England at least, there is great pressure to have the Pretty Church Wedding with all whistles and bells.

The problem being: ceremony good, religious hypocrisy bad. What we need is mo betta ceremony to jazz up marriage, 21st century style. Whereat I propose the Bridal Path.

The Bridal Path is a dance, not unlike the Dashing White Sergeant, where the Father O' Bride first gives her away to a non-groom gentleman (in dance parlance, this is the First Boyfriend). They get jiggy and twirl for a few bars while everyone looks on clapping, before First Boyfriend passes her on to Second Boyfriend, then to Third, etc.

Well this can go on for hours. In the end of course the bride arrives, panting, glowing & grateful for the rest, with the groom, who has been waiting patiently in front of the maitre d'marriage, looking into an uncertain future.

[And yes, their staunch secular stand was from Harrods.]

General Washington, Sep 08 2002

Strip the Willow http://www.scottish...html#StripTheWillow
The hardest, bestest, fastest, injuringest ceilidh dance in the world, ever. [calum, Sep 08 2002]

Ralf & Florian http://www.cduniver...45626&frm=sh_google
Beefcake! [calum, Sep 08 2002]


       <blackened face & wild hair> Jesus, I thought I defused that gag.
General Washington, Sep 08 2002

       So they'll need a small bus for the honeymoon?
FarmerJohn, Sep 08 2002

       Make it Strip The Willow. The father of the bride spins the bride first and hands her off to the groom. The spinning couple then proceed down the lines as usual, except that the lines are made of the old flames of each, in chronological order. For couples with differing numbers of previous partners, ringers can be drafted in.
calum, Sep 08 2002

       Oh hell, just egg the getaway car.
reensure, Sep 08 2002

       Calum, we need to brainstorm here. I didn't think through the jiggy part because I was hoping someone such as yourself would suggest a suitable. Now I'm not repeat not meaning a few poxy turns like in Strip The Willow. Something grander & sexier & more liberated like the freestyle round in a Double Eightsome when everyone else rings-a-roses. For instance, I invented a move with my ex-girlfriend which involved my lifting her up on one outstretched arm, while she went into a kind of bucking bronco act..   

       How would Kraftwerk handle it?
General Washington, Sep 08 2002

       The turns in Strip the Willow aren't poxy. They are hardcore, centrifugal, element-of-danger, sweat-lashing, heart-pumping _spins_. As such, I feel this is perfect for the purpose - the bride and groom each get a physical, dangerous, almost illicit encounter with each of their ex-es before throwing them away so as to come to an even more hardcore, more centrifugal, more dangrous, more sweaty, more heart-pumping super-spin at the end. Their pasts have been laid bare, relived and then discarded; the happy couple lie knackered next to each other, panting, in love.   

       Your dance move sounds like it would go down well in a burlesque house. Where exactly was your hand?   

       [re Kraftwerk: Having seen the cover and inlay of "Ralf and Florian", I expect their Bridal Path would be a fairly short affair, to the tune "Sex Object"].
calum, Sep 08 2002

       Little one-sided for the 21st century, surely? While the bride is having all that fun, the groom should be out back boffing the bridesmaids.   

       P.S. Where's the hypocrisy in a church wedding?
DrCurry, Sep 08 2002

       Calum: You sell it well. Makes me want to jump up &... but never mind that. We're forging new ceremonials here, man! Not taking old ones off the peg. Since 1950s style rock-n-roll is fully back-compatible with reeling, I thought maybe some over-the-arm thru-the-legs action...?   

       With the arm thing, it is held rigidly out like a yardarm. The girlfriend's *fulcrum*, if you will, is at the elbow. For those who favor ladies of the fuller figure, facial grimacing is admissable.   

       DrCurry: //Where's the hypocrisy?// In the being at church. I *know* these doofuses getting married. They don't believe in God.
General Washington, Sep 08 2002

       Calum - /amg.dll is useless as a link or history item.
thumbwax, Sep 08 2002

       All this talk of dynamic linking.
General Washington, Sep 08 2002

       Cheers thumbwax. It's fixed.
calum, Sep 08 2002

       I'm all for the main idea. But there is a flaw in the thinking of the annotations... If 'Strip the Willow' is used as the ceremonial dance it may end in tears.   

       I can't vouch for anyone else but when I dance it i tend to throw the ladies around in a rag doll fashion. Its great fun for all concerned. However, if I was an embittered ex-lover with a chip on my shoulder I could quite easily let go of the lady at the (in)appropriate time - causing much harm and maiming.   

       On saying all of this I am not embittered and I love Strip the Willow - so you get my vote.
Jinbish, Sep 08 2002

       The chief bridesmaid at my wedding was my ex-girlfriend.
I'm with [calum] on 'Strip the Willow' - one of my favourites. However. it was a Breton dance called 'The Horse's Bransle' (pronounced 'brawl') that brought the ceiling down - literally - at my wedding reception.
angel, Sep 09 2002

       Can you stop that with your head as well?
General Washington, Sep 09 2002

       [UnaB]: I've done a quick Goooogle, but the versions I've found described are considerably less enthusiastic than the one we performed, which involved, inter alia, 14 people per set stamping with both feet. The party was in the upstairs room of the pub, and bits of plaster were dropping off the ceiling downstairs and landing in people's beer.
The entire circumstances of my wedding are rather amusing, but this is neither the time nor the place.
angel, Sep 09 2002


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