Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Bride & Groom Decoys

Hire them to do the things you have to get done before the big day.
  [vote for,

If you have ever had a big wedding, you know how crazy life gets just days before the big event. It seems like you are literally being pulled in a million different directions. I propose that a business be started up from which brides and grooms can hire decoys. The real bride and groom can go about life in a normal manner and leave all the worry and the running around to the decoys. If you hire them early on they can even act as wedding planners. All you have to do is give them a list of what you want done and let them do it. They can pick out the dresses, the cake, the flowers, the music, maybe even the ring- if you like. This leaves the element of surprise in your wedding day festivities. It also eliminates the headache so you can actually look forward to that special day. They even pack for your honeymoon...and while you are away on your honeymoon, they even return or exchange all the wedding gifts that you don't need.

That sounds sooooooo wonderful! Wish I had thought of this months ago.

Tomorrow is MY big day, and this will be one of my last entries for a couple of weeks. I hope that you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving (even for those not in the US), as Thanksgiving is a day to reflect and be thankful for the things that matter most in your life.

I am thankful that I have met so many wonderful friends here at the halfbakery...a group of people that challenge and encourage me. I am thankful that despite of all the turmoil in the world, that one can come to the halfbakery where people from many countries and all walks of life unite to form ideas to make the world a better place...and see there is always HOPE. Happy Thanksgiving World!

drfowler, Nov 27 2002

Alternatively, hire this service... http://www.halfbake...20Personal_20CapCom
[krelnik, Oct 04 2004]

Baked! http://www.passiton...ions/cakebisque.jpg
[DrCurry, Oct 04 2004]


       Isn't this what the Best Man, the ushers, and the Matron of Honour are meant to do ?
8th of 7, Nov 27 2002

       And indeed, wedding planners, which I believe they made a film about.   

       If you're so busy (and it's hard to imagine anyone not being frazzled the day before the big day), what are you doing online? Get back to work, woman!   

       Good luck, anyway!
dalek, Nov 27 2002

       I remember the feeling!
[8th]: No, they only do their stuff on the day. The real work is down to the happy couple (or helpful but interfering parents). Just make sure they can follow instructions.
You've left it a bit late to worry about this, haven't you?
angel, Nov 27 2002

       Good luck. You're doing a far, far, braver thing than I would ever...   

       ...I mean congratulations.   

       Take this croissant as a wedding gift.
st3f, Nov 27 2002

       <<<trying not to be cynical and bitter>>> Good Luck! <<<trying not to be cynical and bitter>>>
Marassa, Nov 27 2002

       my advice is to stop worrying, the day belongs to the two of you - enjoy.
po, Nov 27 2002

       drfowler-Bride, meet 1percent-Bride-to-Be. How are ya? Wigging out? Oh, me too ... and mine is still two months away.   

       Just have to say that your idea says "I do" to me. I see your decoys being a kind of Bride & Groom Doppelganger set, preternaturally calm yet personable automaton doubles of the real He and Me. They wear the exact same clothing and shoe sizes, have the exact same favorite drinks, catch the references in all of the old inside jokes, and yet also manage to do things like whip floral tape neatly around a bunch of flower stems and enter the second cousin's new girlfriend's name neatly into the Palm Pilot. These creatures could presumably also sing and dance, if invited to do so. They'd probably even do a lovely Fred-and-Ginger-style dance at the pre-wedding barbecue, to demonstrate exactly how happy they are to be tying the ol' knot.   

       Meanwhile, deep in our pre-marital lair, the Evil Real He and I -- occasionally joined by our henchpeople, also known as The Wedding Party -- are sleeping in, drinking Scotch, lazing around, alternately barking orders and poking fun at the unfortunate Henchpeople, and having as much sex as we possibly can while it's still all extramarital and sinful.   

       There's creepy string music on the CD player and a bald guy in a gold suit wandering around holding a cat. There's a large, dark screen with small flashing lights that track our guests' arrivals, activities and contact with the Ur-Bride and -Groom. Often, we bring up the video feed, so that we can watch our guests being easily fooled by the warm fake sincerity of our better selves. "Darling, I didn't know you could play the ukelele." Mwahahaha!   

       The next day, refreshed but still faintly reeking of smoke and debauchery, my beloved and I say our vows, join our guests, and make nice for hours. The guests eat the wonderful food, say ooohhh and aaahhh about the dress and the flowers and that inventive thing we've done in lieu of a cake, and remain NONE THE WISER throughout the whole production. They think I enjoyed meeting Missy, New Girlfriend from Modesto. They think he really can tap dance. They don't need to know that I spent the sunlit hours of the previous day learning how to tie a cherry stem with my teeth ... and they never will.   

       Meanwhile, our Pre-Wedding Doppelgangers have already retired to one of the Carnival Cruise Line party ships, where they entertain guests by night with their "Conga Madness!" dance number, and spend days strolling the decks in search of their next customers.   

       It's beautiful. It's perfect. You're hired, my earnest bride friend.   

       Croissant, wedding cake, birdseed and best wishes. It's a long plank to walk but so many of us still do it, in love and in great hope. Have a wonderful day, sweetie.   

       I, now, will call the lady who presumably is going to do something to my hair on a Sunday morning in two months. Really. That's what I'm going to do right ...   

       um ...   

       ... oooohh, cookies!
1percent, Nov 27 2002

       1%/ tasty d. I bought the hat - where's the invite?
po, Nov 27 2002

       Awright, you wanna know where they are??? In a big white box in my living room. Yeah, that's right ... with my stinkin' red calligraphy pen next to 'em! They're like Thing Five I've gotta do for my godforsaken wedding in this lousy three-day week!   



       Quite sorry about that, ladies. What I believe you just saw was the Dark Side of Bridedom. I understand it's what one experiences when she's doing her own wedding without benefit of a professional scheduler, financial advisor, apparel designer, and lion tamer. They say the condition isn't fatal, so long as no one notices that the shrill little saleswoman at the bridal salon has not been seen or heard from in seven weeks.   

       My deepest apologies. Care for some tea?
1percent, Nov 27 2002

       I have imagined mine..it starts with   

       i would like to invite the company of skinflaps.
skinflaps, Nov 27 2002

       Aw sh*t! I could have made that! But we're off to the country for dinner with friends. (I somehow got the impression you were somewhere out in the Midwest.)   

       So have fun! And congratulations! And good luck!   

       [And do you now have to change your ID to drdobbs?]
DrCurry, Nov 27 2002

       Thank you. I have found [blissmiss] here, and bliss with my soon-to-be hubby.   

       Luckily, our wedding plans are a bit less stressful than that of [drfowler] (may she rest in peace) and [1percent]. We are off to Jamaica in just a couple of days to tie our knot without all the usual fanfare. We will provide some semblance of fanfare in the summer, though, with a small reception, so I can see how it can all get frustrating.   

       My advice to the newly engaged: Forget everything that everyone else does if you don't care for it; do only what you want for your big day. Take an honest look at your priorities while planning and remember not to get hung up about details that won't matter later. Focus more on the marriage, and less on the wedding. Oh, and don't forget to HAVE FUN! :)
XSarenkaX, May 20 2003


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