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Divorce Receptions

The friends and relatives should get another party out of it.
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(+15, -2)
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As a professional musician, I've played many wedding receptions. I'm sure you seen them---everyone all duded up, drunken friends and relatives lurching to the podium to drawl and weep about what wonderful people the newlyweds are. The real purpose of this ritual, however, is to cement in everyone's mind how THIS is one marriage that will never, ever fail, and to provide a place where the gifts can be conspicuously accumulated.

Therefore, when a marriage turns out to be another goofy exercise in maturity-overestimation, the former wedding guests must feel pretty gulled. All that emotion and enthusiasm---not to mention, presents and cash---and for what?

So why should the unhappy couple get to skip off with a simple legal decree? Why should they be let completely off the hook socially?

They shouldn't. So they have a divorce reception. Held in a plain, dingy room. (A local veteran's hall comes to mind.) No music. Catered by the staff of a local school cafeteria. The former bride and groom stand up, apologize to everybody, admit they were naive, and invite comments. Everyone gets a chance to express their disappointment, grief, disgust, I-told-you-so's, etc.

Then the former bride and groom have a Last Dance. (Optionally, the man puts a garter back on the woman's leg.) And that's it. Professional boxing referees stand by in case physical intervention is necessary.

Ander, Oct 13 2000


       Also... The couple have to give all the guests expensive gifts.
hippo, Oct 13 2000

       As another professional musician, I'd say they should have an expensive band that plays nothing but the blues as well, or at least a bunch of sad (or mad) songs.
BigThor, Oct 17 2000

       Sounds manipulative. I like it.
thumbwax, Nov 02 2000

       Right ON! I say why NOT! I had my own party when I finally split with my ex - I went straight down to the Harley Dealer, and bought myself a brand new bike off the showroom floor! I had SO much fun pulling up to his house a week later. He even had the nerve to ask me to ride it! Sorry! It's my harley and I'll ride if I want to - ride if I want to... hey, isn't that a song?
hotrodmama, Nov 29 2000

       "another goofy exercise in maturity-overestimation" ROFL!!
absterge, Nov 29 2000

       On the day I got my final divorce decree in the mail I called all my friends, bought tons of cheesecake and coffee and had a "DD" party. We talked, laughed, cried, man-bashed, told dumb stories, and stayed up all night watching horror movies. It was the perfect end to a marriage that suffered a quick demise due to his unfaithfulness.... but it helped me put it all in perspective and get over everything and move on very quickly. Not that I have even tried a relationship since.... I would suggest instead of joint parties..."freedom parties"...the opposite of showers and stag parties....no marriage the next day!
Susen, Feb 08 2001

       If the unfortunate couple made the mistake of having kids, the children could "give" their parents "back." They could walk their parents back up the aisle and leave them with the embarrassed grandparents ... perhaps with a well-timed parting look of disgust.
1percent, Mar 20 2001

       Wedding Biz, so why not Divorce Biz. More than just lawyers & cops. My wife is a family counsellor. I used to be a community worker. The whole social welfare industry wants to gets into this new biz. Perhaps we should start mailing spam, just like the wedding business.
gregzeng, May 26 2001

       They had this on an episode of M*A*S*H. I forget who was getting divorced, but I think they may have only been married for a day or a week or something. Hawkeye presided: "And now, by the power invested in me by the state of inebriation, I pronounce you man and woman. You may now ignore the bride."
axlrosen, Mar 13 2003

       I don't know... I have only been on this planet for about two decades, so I guess you would consider me a young initiate into this society, however...   

       Isn't the reason why we have a wedding reception in the first place is to show (in effect) that society approves of the marriage, and to wish them the best in their lifelong relationship?   

       Doesn't it follow then, that by holding a divorce reception, it is implied that society actually APPROVES of such a thing?   

       Call me old-fashioned, but what I have learnt (at least in the Westernised Asian society I live in) is that divorce is considered a taboo, something that we should all forget. I guess an ideal modern attitude one would have to the divorcee would be "it's happened, i'm sorry it's so, let's try to move on, i'll be there if you need me"   

       I do not condemn divorce (at least in the non-Christian context), as society should allow for mistakes to be made. Nor do I not condemn holding parties (although personally I am uncomfortable with the idea); society values individual freedom to do what wants responsibly, and I respect that. After all, the divorcee has found freedom (though only as a by-product of divorce, the point is, the marriage is gone), and in a sense has a purpose to celebrate. What I do not approve of however, is a public ritual/annoucement of the divorce, more so in the presence of others, implying that society condones such an act.
LoneRifle, Mar 13 2003


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