h a l f b a k e r y
"My only concern is that it wouldn't work, which I see as a problem."
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Use Weather Control technology to engineer a week of clear mornings followed by 5:00 downpours. That will bring all umbrellas left under desks at work home where they belong.
||GPL, to prevent the inevitable [m-f-d] you should put up a link to your Unstealable Umbrella idea so people will put the two together.