Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
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Calling Interoffice Rescue

From an original idea by Gerry Anderson.
  [vote for,

We've all suffered it; you want to get on with some work, but some whining little sh1t who we'll call (for the sake of argument) Kevin is camped by your desk with a cup of coffee, droning on and on and on about how United have lost theor touch since they sold someone-or-other, or just how smooth the gearshift is on their new Mercedes S-class.

You don't want to be too offensive to this giftless p1ll0ck as they may be slightly senior, have other problems, or most likely be someone you don't want to alienate because sometime soon you're going to want a favour; but all the usual techniques have failed.

The answer is at hand - Interoffice Rescue software. It runs in the background, and every ten minutes or so flashes a discrete little dialog box. If you click the box, then the utility goes back to sleep; if you don't, two minutes later, the utility sends a message over the network or email to your Bore Buddy. He gets an alert message on his screen and can then respond by phoning you and inviting you to a fictional meeting, or wandering over and asking you to look at some document or other. Either way, the Bore - deprived of his prey - will hopefully bu88er off for a bit.

If your Bore Buddy doesn't respond, the utility contacts the fallback addressee, and so on through the company directory until you are rescued.

8th of 7, Mar 18 2003

Shameless plug http://www.halfbake...20Carl_20Scarecrows
an alternate method [RayfordSteele, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]


       This is good. There are lots of times I could use a ruse like this.
snarfyguy, Mar 18 2003

       I find the most effective way to repel Kevins is to listen just that little bit too attentively. Lean right in to them, stare ceaselessly at them (for extra effectiveness, refrain from blinking until your eyes start to water), and make "listening" noises at all the wrong times. Works a treat on even the most oblivious Kevin.
friendlyfire, Mar 18 2003

       Offering to show them photos of your fluff collection works too, especially when you place the 3rd volume of pictures on the desk before they've opened the first.
oneoffdave, Mar 18 2003

       This particular Kevin would just produce his own CD (volume seven, number four) of fluff pictures from the inside pocket of his awful designer jacket, which he thinks makes him look suave but in fact just makes him look even more of a prat.
8th of 7, Mar 18 2003

       Ahh an AlphaKevin. Outside help would be needed then.
oneoffdave, Mar 18 2003

       // Outside help would be needed then //   

       Yes. Preferably an airstrike.
8th of 7, Mar 18 2003

       just watch out for friendlyfire
TonyDevilUK, Mar 18 2003

       Personally, I prefer the less-successful, Seinfeldian head-clapping method. It's low tech and entertains, even when it doesn't work.
XSarenkaX, Mar 18 2003

       sh1t? p1ll0ck? bu88er? What are these strange alphanumeric scribblings?
waugsqueke, Mar 18 2003

       These are the signs of an inhibited individual...or a parent. You'll notice I don't resort to such nonsense myself.
XSarenkaX, Mar 18 2003

       This idea would work fine until I wander off to lunch, to return to 10 messages about urgent meetings I have to attend all of which are fictional.
Worldgineer, Mar 18 2003

       // What are these strange alphanumeric scribblings //   

       Go ask a grown-up, sonny.
8th of 7, Mar 18 2003

       Post it on RentACoder, pay someone $20 to develop it...simple chat app, really, with a couple timers. I'm busy and poor...almost resorting to X-mas vending machines myself!
DrOuD, Mar 19 2003

       I thought for a moment that 8th had slipped into l337 5|>34|<.
my face your, Mar 19 2003

       half-baked? what about icq or some other sms software... same effect?
squatch, Mar 19 2003

       // What are these strange alphanumeric scribblings //   

       Someone whose IT department screens their WWW usage?   

       //Interoffice Rescue//   

       I have a default SMS that asks my secretary to pull me out to deal with a 'very urgent matter' as soon as possible. It's not too unsubtle to pretent to check your handphone message and instead send one of your own.
FloridaManatee, Mar 19 2003

       Nice category. (I noticed that someone relocated my 'camping carl scarecrow' from 'office: supplies' to 'culture: office games.' Bummer). Boy Mr. Manatee, from your other annotations elsewhere I take it you really *hate* being bothered with stuff. More time for here...
RayfordSteele, Mar 19 2003

       The office where I work ( phoenix-az www.thistlelanding.com if anyone is interested) has a systemwhere you can contact the receptionist quietly and have them page you urgently. Usefull.
Falcon80, May 17 2006

       Don't you just *love* viral advertising?
methinksnot, May 17 2006

       <wanabe pedant> Should that be IntRAoffice? </wp>
neutrinos_shadow, May 18 2006

       <wp> sp. wanNabe </wp>
methinksnot, May 18 2006


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