Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Cat Ejection Pack

Martin Baker for Moggies
  (+34, -2)(+34, -2)(+34, -2)
(+34, -2)
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Some responsibe pet owners may wish to protect their beloved pets from the vicissitudes of urban life. Everywhere, there are threats; huge, vicious dogs, fast-moving cars, irate homeowners brandishing water rifles. It's a hard world out there ....

But help is at hand. Now available from BorgCo is the CatPak combined cat ejection pack and parachute. A tiny, lightweight unit is held to the cat's back by a harness; incorporated into the harness are a range of physiological sensors. When the cat is startled, this condition is immediately detected by the on-board microcontroller, and the escape system activates. A spring flips out a small three-nozzle solid-fuel rocket on the end of a five metre tensile line - long enough that jetwas is cool by the time it reaches the cat dangling below. The rocket sustains a 2g acceleration for five seconds, enough to get the cat to a decent altitude; then the rocket is detached, and the steerable canopy deploys. The GPS system steers the dangling moggy back over it's home property, and at an altitude of one metre the harness releases, allowing the cat to drop gently onto its paws.

This has the advantage for non cat-lovers in that all you need to do is yell at the cat in your garden to startle it and Whoosh ........... it's off home.

Strap this to the back of your cat !

NB this is a pro-cat idea in a twisted way but the doctors say We will be better soon.

EDIT: NB this product is not designed for use indoors, or in road vehicles. For marine use we strongly recommend the purchase of the optional "claw-proof inflatable raft option".

8th of 7, Sep 13 2002

One Possible Moment . . . http://bz.pair.com/fun/catrock.html
101Kb image -- (sorry that it's so big, but it doesn't compress well, this one.) [bristolz, Sep 16 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Fark thread on this idea. http://forums.fark....ts.pl?IDLink=324535
Illustrated. [jutta, Oct 10 2002]

How Segway Works http://www.segway.c...y/how_it_works.html
Could this be used to keep it from incapacitating the cat? [krelnik, Oct 12 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Maybe the cat can just fly back on their own http://www.messybeast.com/winged-cats.htm
10 July 03 | Very weird. [bristolz, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

He's finally gone and done it... http://news.bbc.co....nd_west/8338430.stm
I will never question [8th of 7] again - lest I end up like the cat... [Jinbish, Nov 02 2009]

Cat predator? http://www.theargus...e_for_missing_cats/
Just another of urban life's vicissitudes for cats to deal with. [DrBob, Oct 04 2014]

archived copy of [bristolz]'s drawing https://wayback.arc...om/fun/catrock.html
For [lurch] and whoever else wants to see it. 101 kB was considered big in 2002? [notexactly, Jun 14 2015]

[link]






       // yell at the cat in your garden //   

       Yeah, right. Knowing you it'd be more like "yell at it when it's stood underneath a CFDU."
sild, Sep 13 2002
  

       Define: decent altitude
thumbwax, Sep 13 2002
  

       No, no, might damage my nice ceiling fan ....   

       // Define: decent altitude //   

       2g for 5 seconds gives you about 250 metres; the rocket has to be sized to the weight of the cat. Assuming that the steerable 'chute can achieve a 5 degree glideslope, and that the last 20 metres has to be near-vertical to avoid obstructions, then that gives you a lateral range of about 2.5 kilometers in still air - enough to bring home any wandering pet.
8th of 7, Sep 13 2002
  

       You may protect your cat //from the vicissitudes of urban life//, but at the same time you introduce a violent addition.   

       One can only try this once on your cat. The second time the cats *knows* what is going on and will never try the CatPak again.   

       So here's something fishy for you.   

       Although... about a ManPak?
spekkie, Sep 13 2002
  

       // and will never try the CatPak again //   

       How do you know without trying it ? Some cats might enjoy it. We've known them climb ladders onto roofs .... some like heights.
8th of 7, Sep 13 2002
  

       Apologies to Po, but this is now the greatest idea anyone ever had.   

       This deserves at least 50 croissants for the assorted images it conjures up of cats drifting around suburbia. I feel gutted now that I will probably never find myself sat in the garden, supping a g&t, and have the cat drift in, looking guilty. "Aye aye, and what have you been up to now then?"   

       The only thing I'd add to the concept would be a portable homing device, to act as the target for the GPS system. Put it in your pocket and have the cat land right into your lap. Or drive around and take your cat on an aerial tour of the neighbourhood, parascending stylee.
Saveloy, Sep 13 2002
  

       We think a failasfe interlock could be built in so that when the cat was on its home territory - either based on a radio beacon, or the faithful GPS system. After all, one wouldn't want to drop a plate with a crash, followed immediately by the WhOOOOSHBANGTHUDTHUDTHUDMEEEE eeeeooooooowwwwww ........ of one's four-footed companion exiting from the roof, creating a small, cat-shaped skylight through the upper floors in the process..........
8th of 7, Sep 13 2002
  

       Hmmm .... the consequences of over-excited cats trigering their CatPak units while ..... er .....well, procreating, don't bear thinking about ......
8th of 7, Sep 13 2002
  

       Great idea! But even better without the parachute.
TwoSheds, Sep 13 2002
  

       add a remote so you can call your cat home, press button, wait five minutes.
rbl, Sep 13 2002
  

       I think if you read my cat incapacitator idea you will see why this wont work, if somthing is fastend around a cats torso it looses its ballance and cant walk.
Gulherme, Sep 14 2002
  

       you tried it unabubba? You think thats funny try putting a bit of stickey tape on each of your cats feet.
Gulherme, Sep 14 2002
  

       According to the rocketry nuts, the initial configuration would be wildly unstable because of what they call the "pendulum fallacy". Even that, however, leads the mind to some remarkable imagery...
lurch, Sep 15 2002
  

       Gulherme: // if somthing is fastend around a cats torso it looses its ballance //   

       Little padded webbing strapes under the legs, then.   

       Lurch: // the initial configuration would be wildly unstable because of what they call the "pendulum fallacy". //   

       And the problem with that is what, exacatly ?   

       Bristolz: Would you mind if we used that picture on the cover of the brochure ? What are your terms, royalty per-unit, or flat fee ?
8th of 7, Sep 16 2002
  

       8th: //initial configuration// unstable // what problem //   

       Wherever the cat is, there is surely something of value nearby, whether you feel like counting the cat or not.
lurch, Sep 16 2002
  

       lurch: Ooooh, that's true - don't want holes in that nice new conservatory.   

       Any suggestions as to how to correct the problem ? How about a hot air ballon, inflated airbag-style by a pyrotechnic cartirdge, then kept inflated by a small tank of butane ? Lower g's, gentle ascent - possibly even more re-useable......
8th of 7, Sep 16 2002
  

       Sorry. I enjoy going to the local rocketry club, but I'm not yet up to designing my own. One learns quickly, however, to recognize those for which the best idea is to be behind something solid. (BTW - a non-nominal launch is often termed a CATO - I wonder...)
lurch, Sep 16 2002
  

       lurch: Yeah, most of ours are in that category.
8th of 7, Sep 16 2002
  

       Ok, here's a possibility. It's a two stage... first you fire one of those whirling fireworks, which spins up a gyroscope. With the sparks coming out all around, this inspires the cat to crouch down into an acceptable launch pose (pack upward). When the gyro reaches speed, the mains then ignite, lofting kitty vertically, and spin stabilized.   

       I just know I'm going to be thrown out of the club.
lurch, Sep 16 2002
  

       lurch: // I just know I'm going to be thrown out of the club. //   

       Maybe, but we know another one you can join. The catherine whhel to spin up a gyro sounds good -have to deploy a shield first to protect the kitty's head from the sparks - or maybe it sticks up on a pole ?
8th of 7, Sep 16 2002
  

       I'm sure the cats of the neibourhood would treat the cat wearing the ejection pack much the same way a bunch of school kids would treat a kid who rocked up to school on his pushy with a flag attached wearing kneepads elbow pads wrist guards and a stack hat.
Gulherme, Sep 16 2002
  

       For the safety of all cats everywhere, CatPak units will be made compuslory. Cats without this desireable accessory risk being devoured by slavering dogs or run over. Soon, only the flight-enabled cats will be left. Evolution will ensure that cats will refuse to go out fo the door until their CatPak is in place and armed.
8th of 7, Sep 16 2002
  

       There is no way my cats having one, get your cat beat up if you want but my cat dosen't really get in enough dangerous situations to warrent one of these btw why wasnt this called a catapult? I would have expected a name like that.
Gulherme, Sep 16 2002
  

       I have just made that drawing my wallpaper! I am ordering one for my feline furball ASAP.   

       Croissant.
Colonel Panic, Sep 16 2002
  

       // You think thats funny try putting a bit of stickey tape on each of your cats feet. //   

       Gulherme, stop torturing your cat!
waugsqueke, Sep 16 2002
  

       Cats like having tape put on their feet so much that they dance with joy.
Gulherme, Sep 17 2002
  

       Gulherme, what sort of sticky tape ? Regular clear tape, like Scotch tape, or packing tape, or the medical stuff like Zinc Oxide tape ?   

       <shopping list> Sticky tape, big roll </shopping list>
8th of 7, Sep 17 2002
  

       Never thought of that "fringe benefit"........
8th of 7, Sep 17 2002
  

       Are parachutes strictly necessary?   

       Personally I think that as cat owners tend to be incredibly smug creatures, (you know "Oh yah, my cat is so much more independent and intelligent than a dog, fnarr, fnarr,") do away with the parachutes altogether.   

       This way an ongoing and scientific study into the "a cat always lands on all fours" theory can be conducted. It would be fascinating to find out how useful this skill is when descending from several thousand feet and at great velocity.
Captain Jellyfish, Sep 17 2002
  

       Speaking of "dangerous situations", imagine that your Persian is caught wandering around with a GPS, armed explosives, etc...
lurch, Sep 17 2002
  

       lurch, are you still talking cats here, or have you drifted off into Middle Eastern politics once again?
PeterSilly, Sep 17 2002
  

       Some cats ARE terrorists. Ya' just can't be too careful. OK, I guess I am guilty of one count of racial profiling. (Species profiling?)
lurch, Sep 17 2002
  

       Lurch: No problem mate. Just pop this white sheet over your head, then you'll be just like the rest of us. Eyeholes, are extra, OK ?   

       By the way, do you know our friends Gomez and Morticia ?
8th of 7, Sep 17 2002
  

       Bliss, scyphozoans are famed for a morbid aversion to furballs.
Captain Jellyfish, Sep 17 2002
  

       Great Idea!   

       I can just imagine driving along on a quiet road and suddenly seeing a furry blur shoot up past you windscreen scaring bejesus outta the driver, whe a cat has been sunning itself in the middle of the road and has blended into the asphalt. It would be worse though if said cat paniked (sp?) whilst under your car and took out your radiator.... Interesting to see though! flakey bakey for you!
mootoo, Sep 17 2002
  

       Hmmm. Mineral oil. We used to have to give my ex's cat mineral oil orally, by syringe, for exactly the same reason. The cat survived another 5 years with regular dosing and didn't appear to suffer distress. A bit reluctant sometimes, but no real resistance.   

       This has set us to wondering that perhaps the use of a rather more volatile hydrocarbon fuel might give us the basis of a propulsion system...........
8th of 7, Sep 18 2002
  

       Great idea ppl, but in fairness I only think you've come half way.   

       What about all those caged birds in homes the country over? To reverse the paradigm, throw away all those nasty cramping cages and have Polly fly about all day whereever she/he pleases.   

       When you and the kids get home, activate the Acme Polly Tractor device which pulls Polly from the skies/trees into the comfort of your home to the enjoyment of your kids.   

       OK...now how do we build this device...?...?
rumbletumbler, Sep 18 2002
  

       I see jutta already linked it, but Fark.com picked this one up...
Mr Burns, Oct 10 2002
  

       Hey [Gulherme], could you possibly compensate for the cat incapacitation effect of this by using computer-driven gyro stabilizers like in a Segway? It would sense what the cat wanted to do and stabilize the pack so it wouldn't throw the cat off balance. See link.
krelnik, Oct 12 2002
  

       bristolz' drawing is now my desktop background. woohoo!
thumbwax, Feb 05 2003
  

       This could put a new dimension on cats hunting birds.Sparrow flying at 200ft.Bang,whoosh Sparrow in jaws of cat,Cat drifting home with another gift for the more evolved creature who can open tins of Tuna
sufc, Feb 06 2003
  

       "Cruel and callous", hahahhaha, jinbish, that is the cats pajamas. 8th of 7, a mad man to be reckoned with.
blissmiss, Nov 02 2009
  

       This idea (along with being excellent) also contains my favouritest illustration ever created by [bristolz].
kaz, Oct 06 2010
  

       new link by [DrBob]   

       Bristolz' fine cartoon has gone awol.
FlyingToaster, Oct 04 2014
  

       I wanted to show someone that picture by [bristolz]... does anyone still have it? Would it be possible to get it hosted on the halfbakery?
lurch, Jun 05 2015
  

       Yay for Wayback.
blissmiss, Jun 14 2015
  

       // that picture by [bristolz] //   

       We never found that illustration satisfactory. The cat depicted was clearly enjoying itself far too much ...
8th of 7, Jun 14 2015
  

       Best to disable when kitty enters house: 'hey what's that furry blob on the ceiling?'...
Steamboat, Jun 17 2015
  
      
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