h a l f b a k e r y
Magical moments of mediocrity.
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Since the dawn of agriculture man has
relied on various methods to keep his
cattle contained, such as fences, moats
and violence. Since the advent of the road
however the cattle grid has won the favour
of farmers everywhere as it cleverly
exploits the herd's complete failure to
concept of the cattle grid.
However, despite their idiotic appearance
modern cattle are now finding ways to
cross these cattle grids, and man in his
wisdom must find another solution. And
here is the solution: THE CATTLE PRISM.
Made of Pyrex glass and formed to the
exact width of the gate or opening, the
cattle prism is a large glass pyramid that
is placed where once a cattle grid would
have been employed. This will deter even
the most determined cud-chewing
mammal from even attempting to
circumvent its mysterious sides, as the
foolish cows, goats and elk slip uselessly
on the shiny surfaces and gawp in abject
horror at their mangled reflections in its
Grid mastered by 'naughty' goats
Proof of a higher goat consciousness [rodti, May 18 2007]
(???) Prisms don't work either
Back to square one. [MaxwellBuchanan, May 18 2007]
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||And the farmer gets through the gate how,
||The farmer can use other means beyond
the ken of animals, such as a helicopter.
||It would be cheaper, in the long run, to
use Pyrex 'cows'.
||As my friend David from Seymour, Iowa
once told me, cows aren't so dumb:
Because of the expense of digging the
trenches and laying the
bars, farmers and ranchers long ago
began to leverage bovine intuition by
merely painting lines on the road where
steel would have gone. Cow mentation
makes this leap easily, David explained:
"Oh, no, you can't fool me. Sure, that's
paint, but it _represents_ rails with gaps
in between. No thank you!"
||I like the idea of a cow-prism - perhaps shining light into it at an angle, causes it to refract into a series of pastel (milky) hues.
||Wouldn't the obvious use of a "cattle prism" be in the construction of a fence, beyond which the color of the grass would be distorted to something less green?
||Having ridden many a horse who reacts in fear to the slightest change in color underfoot, I agree with [evan1138].
||<short, respectful pause while the spirit of Gary Larsen passes through>