Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Not so much a thought experiment as a single neuron misfire.

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.



Please log in.
Before you can vote, you need to register. Please log in or create an account.

Cellphone fetching drone

"Follow me ..."
  [vote for,

Drones that can carry a cellphone are Baked and WKTE.

However, this new BorgCo product is intended for those with poor short-term memory and limited attention spans, the sort of human that mislays keys, cellphones, cellphone chargers, purses, diaries, credit cards ... and becomes dependant of voice assistants to remind them "Your dental appointment is in one hour. Start looking for your car keys now" or in extreme cases "Breathe in ... breathe out ... breathe in ... breathe out ..."

The idea is simple enough. The user, on entering the premises, places their cellphone on the drone/charger unit placed adjacent to the door, which flashes LEDs and makes sounds to remind the user to put their phone on the cradle.

They can then wander off into whatever other realm they seem to inhabit most of the time. It seems to involve staring blankly into various aquaria a lot.

When they want their phone, all they have to do is say "Alexa, bring me my phone". The drone starts up and navigates through the house to wherever the voice assistant that registered the command is located, and lands nearby in a designated site (which needs to be kept clear of clutter including little nets, bottles of fish medicine with the labels worn off, old dried up lipsticks, pieces of paper with illegible stuff scrawled on them, tea light holders containing burnt-out tea lights, pens that don't write but are kept because they have a phone number on them, AA batteries of uncertain vintage) where the user can simply pick up their now fully-recharged phone.

An extra cost option is that if the phone rings, the drone can automatically carry the phone to its owner, wherever she is.

This relieves any other occupants of the house playing the seemingly endless game of hunt-the-cellphone and then trotting up and down stairs like some sort of menial slave ... why they don't just wear clothes that have a belt so that the phone can be reliably clipped to it remains entirely unclear (the suggestion has been made, but appears to be somewhat contentious, and no satisfactory explanation has yet been received).


If you ignore the audible and visual cues to place your phone on the drone platform, the voice assistant gets really snarky and insulting, berating the user for their laziness, forgetfulness, poor fashion choices, inadequate personal hygiene, incorrect grammar and syntax, and any other aspects that might cause pain. A threat to use the wifi smart sockets to turn off the aquarium heaters, airpumps and lights might help ...

8th of 7, Dec 14 2020


       I can see the drone developing a sassy attitude after several weeks of this slavery. "I do not have your phone but I know where it is. Where did you leave it? No it is not on the hall table, you gitfaced oik (taunts and insults may vary with region), try again! Yes, in the loo, and do you really expect me to pick that thing up after you've handled your private bits? You never wash your hands!"   

       Oh, bun for your idea.
whatrock, Dec 14 2020

       Yes, fine, also WKTE, but does't actually bring your phone to you, merely tells you where it is. It seems that that part of the process is well understood ; it's the next bit, called "Actually bothering to get up and go to where the phone is" that seems to present an insuperable psychological barrier.   

       [what], much kudos and notional bun.
8th of 7, Dec 14 2020

       "Alexa, answer the phone."
RayfordSteele, Dec 14 2020

       // "Alexa, answer the phone." //   

       "Borg residence, who's calling?"   

       "Good morning sir or ma'am, I am Odnon and must inform you that my Service of Internal Revenue will place a lien on your domicile and personal transportation unless you issue an immediate money order for the large and considerate sum of..."   

       "Go suck eggs, you whinging taff!" <click>   

       This little side function could be of equal or greater value than the original.
whatrock, Dec 14 2020

       // "Go suck eggs, you whinging taff!" //   

       We prefer the sound of weapons systems powering up, but yes.   

       // It may be easier to upgrade to a newer model than trying to reprogram or work around problems with the old one. //   

       Complaints to the manufacturers have been - so far - entirely unavailing. While they are still extant, that model has not been produced for many years; no spares are available; no as-built diagrams, user manuals, source code, or other documentation are available; a similar unit from the same supplier exhibits different, but in some ways less acceptable faults; there was no warranty; and at the time of production, strict product liability was not on the statute book.   

       On top of all that, the unit is VERY high maintenance ... none of the conveniences now considered standard on contemporary designs, like a flexible, re-configurable, adaptive interface to a range of digital devices.   

       And all too often, it makes a very annoying whining noise for no readily comprehensible cause.
8th of 7, Dec 14 2020

       <Tears up [kdf]'s Xmas card into little pieces and jumps up and down on them/>
8th of 7, Dec 14 2020

       You could try debugging, but you'll have to wade through incomprehensible spaghetti code that ultimately translates to "I don't have to make sense; I can make babies."   

       Have you considered a fetching cellphone drone instead?
spidermother, Dec 15 2020


back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle