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Centrifetal equipment for midwifery

  [vote for,

Oddly enough there is no centrifuge category I can find, so I just have to go bit al fresco.

The idea is self-obvious, for the more tricky deliveries a centrifuge is used to give more of a push. Admittedly the midwife will have to be inside too.

Just in case, volunteer sports-persons with catcher mitts are deployed around the centrifuge.

not_morrison_rm, Feb 13 2019

US 3,216,423 https://patents.goo...3A/en?oq=US3216423A
Apparatus for facilitating the birth of a child by centrifugal force. [xaviergisz, Feb 14 2019]

Could be used with: https://www.youtube...watch?v=NcHdF1eHhgc
The machine that goes PING! [MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 14 2019]

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       I think this is going to place an unacceptable burden on the already stretched finances of the NHS. You will inevitably get women wanting to combined advantages of a birthing pool and a centrifuge, requiring some sort of huge vortex tank.   

       However, most large hospitals are equipped with elevators, and it should only require a little modification to their controllers to allow them to produce several G, at least for a few moments.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 13 2019

       Or just reconfigure the tire swing in the old oak tree, and spin it in a circle; volunteer back-catchers deployed more thickly where the trajectory would intersect the tree trunk.
Sgt Teacup, Feb 13 2019

       Ugh. I think I may have put up an idea here about an actually-intended-to-work pressing massager belt, under computer control, likely with ultrasound imager/sensors that could pulse the uterus from outside the body to safely cause more rapid birth and contractions (pressings) that were more effective but within a safe range.
beanangel, Feb 13 2019

       It might create a little problem if the placenta precedes the occupant. Talk about a head rush...
tumblewit, Feb 13 2019

       //Oddly enough there is no centrifuge category//   

       Sometimes the world makes no sense.
bs0u0155, Feb 13 2019

LimpNotes, Feb 14 2019

       So essentially a hospital funded fairground ride for women giving birth?   

       Well it might help take their minds of the pain I suppose & they surely deserve a bit of fun, last chance they'll have for any for a few years [+]
Skewed, Feb 14 2019

       //fairground ride for women giving birth// - this raises a vexing problem: Should the operator of the fairground ride charge the mother-to-be one fare or two?
hippo, Feb 14 2019

       Use electricity to make the pushy muscles more pushy?   

       Put a balloon in there behind the baby and inflate it?
Voice, Feb 14 2019

       [Voice]; that balloon idea is not entirely ridiculous. I think the "inflation" should be with a nice sterile saline solution, inserted via keyhole surgery on the left below the ribcage.
neutrinos_shadow, Feb 14 2019

       Hmm. I don't think there's really a need for a balloon - all that's needed is some method of generating a pressure gradient. This could be accomplished if hospitals were equipped with deeper birthing pools - say about 500m or so - and suitable heliox breathing apparatus. A rapid ascent at the right moment ought to achieve the desired effect.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 14 2019


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