Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Cremly Crumpets

Disarming nomenclature
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007 penetrates the Kremlin, only to discover, to her* consternation, that there's no 'n' in it. In fact, there never was.**

A new transliteration from the Cyrillic is proposed, which gets rid not only of the phantom 'n' but also of the needlessly othering 'K'; after all, we don't write 'Krimea'.

The resulting name dispels the connotations of gremlins and goblins. Instead, the first syllable suggests some kind of comfort food, combining creamy and crumbly, and the second suggests a non- threatening, picturesque small town in Yorkshire.

Fulminations issuing from the Cremly immediately become less intimidating, and more ridiculous, because of where they're coming from.

In a sub- plot, an abusive ex- husband tries to win back his wife by throwing bricks through her window and ranting. There are moments when, appealing to the shared experiences of their past, he seems to be making progress, but when he gets to the part about "You're nothing without me, nothing!", she takes the children and applies to join NATO.

Meanwhile, the Trefnydd of the Welsh Senedd demands that Donetsk be returned to its original status as an apoikia of Merthyr Tydfil.

*You've all seen the latest film, right?

**To see what I mean, use Google Translate to translate "Kremlin" from English to Russian.

pertinax, Feb 23 2022

Apoikia https://www.brown.e...20ancient%20Greece.
Like a colony, but independent [pertinax, Feb 23 2022]

Donetsk and Merthyr Tydfil https://www.bbc.com...s/uk-wales-40345030
[pertinax, Feb 23 2022]

[link]






       I don't have a problem with a woman being a glamorous spy. I have a problem with popular fictional heroes being retconned into pitiful shadows of themselves and replaced with more "diverse" characters. It's stupid, lazy, obvious, boring, and bigoted.   

       There are an infinite number of stories waiting to be written about female spies. They need to write those and leave 007 alone.
Voice, Feb 23 2022
  

       Fine, but you realise that's incidental to the idea, don't you?
pertinax, Feb 23 2022
  

       This is exceptionally well-written, and includes astonishing details about the origins of Donetsk, but am torn about how effective this will be. Am reminded of the days when George W. Bush (and later T***p) gave cutesy, demeaning names to everyone. W. once told a Canadian political staffer "You're a very pretty man. Much prettier than my Scot"
4and20, Feb 23 2022
  

       {preens} :-)
pertinax, Feb 23 2022
  

       Crumpets [+]
pocmloc, Feb 23 2022
  

       Moving part of Ukraine to Wales is definitely approved. [+]
xenzag, Feb 23 2022
  

       //you realise that's incidental to the idea, don't you?//   

       yes
Voice, Feb 23 2022
  

       The Russian pronunciation is 'Krem-il. No y at the end.   

       This will confuse the Ruskies who will wonder where the 'Sreml' is, as the only C in Russian is for the S sound, and the K only has one sound.   

       Can these be made in the shape of onion domes?
RayfordSteele, Feb 23 2022
  

       //Krem-il//   

       Well, technically, it's neither "il" nor "li", but a vocalic 'l' (compare "Przmysl"). We don't really do those in English, except in those final syllables which we spell "-le" (little bottle).   

       //the only C in Russian is for the S sound//   

       True; it's a hellenistic lunate sigma. For our confusing use of the same symbol, we might be able to blame the Etruscans.   

       //Can these be made [...]//   

       With enough onions, anything is possible.
pertinax, Feb 23 2022
  
      
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