Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Dubble plusgood
  (+4, -3)
(+4, -3)
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It is, as has been pointed out many times, a global world. This has led to an unsettling and offensive trend, to whit, foreign-made advertisements polluting English television screens.

These foreign-made advertisements invariably feature atrocious dubbing: the model's lips are saying "Reinigungsprodukt für die Entfernung von Fett aus Gargerät" while the sound is saying "oven cleaner". It's all very unconcerting and displeasant.

Fortunately, MaxCo. has developed Dubspeak software to ensure that your next advertisement is readily dubbable into the language(s) of your choice.

Simply select the starting language*, and tick the boxes for those languages which you might want to be able to dub into at a later date.

Using sophisticated orodynamic buccal configuration algorithms and advanced syntactovendal equivalence matrices, Dubspeak will subtly re-phrase your message in such a way that it can easily be dubbed into other languages without embarrasing syllabic conflicts.

[*not Welsh]

MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 20 2014

Lost in Translation http://www.dailymot...nslation_shortfilms
suntory time! Hi! Banzai!! [xenzag, Mar 21 2014]


       Choosing just the precise word that triggers brand loyalty & purchasing action is a refined & focused art & science.   

       And, those actions (loyalty & purchasing) are the entire goal justifying the cost of the ad.   

       The lips that flap along with those precious words? Not as key.   

       With more money spent on ads than on schooling, you better believe they already know the best ways.   

       So, I give you a [+] bun for at least trying to make it less creepy.
sophocles, Mar 20 2014

       Well, yes. Dubspeak will unevitably be a compromise.   

       Of course, by far the best solution is for all products to be made in England and sold in England to English people using English advertisements. If foreigners wish to acquire these products, it is surely not too much to ask for them to learn English.   

       However, we have to work with what we've got.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 20 2014

       This gives me an idea.   

       With a visual extension to Dubspeak, animation techniques would save the day. The model could learn to lipsynch, the way opera singers learn Italian or German lyrics, and simulate saying the script in several languages. Then people selected for the persuasiveness of their voices could separately provide the soundtracks, and everything could be remixed for each target audience.   

       This could then be extended to animated movies, which give similar problems to people who don't have the good sense or decency to just do the right thing and learn English.
skoomphemph, Mar 21 2014

       We could just film actors forming every possible position with their mouths and then piece the frames together for every sort of language.
RayfordSteele, Mar 21 2014

       //a refined & focused art & science.//   

       Really, [sophocles]? Have you actually worked in advertising? Know anyone who has?   

       Art, I'll concede - but, last I checked, the science was still about as refined and focused as phrenology.
pertinax, Mar 21 2014

       // We could just film actors forming every possible position with their mouths //   

       Yes. That way the animation component would be reduced to faking the transitions. The rest would simply be captured.   

       I wonder if facial expressions would vary? I suppose their timing might.
skoomphemph, Mar 21 2014

       Maybe just capture the lips and forget the rest of the face. All ads could be instantly recognized by simply seeing the talking lips...
RayfordSteele, Mar 21 2014

       Instead of dubbing the German actress, let her speak German! Have a wry, self-deprecating Englishman superimposed in the corner of the screen to repeat immediately after in English. Sort of like those sign language translators. He might add a word or two of his own commentary. He would become a hero.
bungston, Mar 22 2014

       //Instead of dubbing the German actress, let her speak German!//   

       I'm pretty sure that English television receivers do not support German. Nor should they have to.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 22 2014

       //products to be made in England// Ahh ha ha ha haaa! Ha haa!   

       Sorry, as you were.
pocmloc, Mar 23 2014

       And which major manufacturing nation are you from, [poc]?
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 23 2014

       Who cares how the lips are moving? Mostly everything on TV is crap anyway. You can read subtitles if you need to know.
xandram, Mar 24 2014

       A much cheaper alternative would be to create some good reasons for the actors to wear burkhas and similar mummery when speaking. For the part of the toothpaste ad where the model rakes her lips with her tongue to show you how clean her teeth are, she could just momentarily lift the burkha.
skoomphemph, Mar 24 2014

       good one [skoomph]
xandram, Mar 25 2014

       A fine idea, [skoomph], though not necessarily one that should be implented.   

       //toothpaste ad where the model rakes her lips with her tongue// This could be achieved by having a suitable set of teeth printed on the veil itself.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 25 2014

       Thanks [xandram] and [Max], I'm now inspired to go one better.   

       They should just stick to completely nude models, avoiding the face altogether. The text could just be "subtitled" onto strategic parts of the body.   

       Obviously all the ads my grandpa stars in would either need a little gaze avertissement noticia at delicate moments, or careful shot selection.   

       I'll grant that this would make advertising toothpaste difficult.
skoomphemph, Mar 25 2014

       Depends what you use the toothpaste for.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 25 2014

       hahaha [dub] could speak for england at olympic level, bless him.
po, Mar 25 2014

       WHO TAKES MY NAME IN VAIN?! Oh,... as you were.
Dub, Mar 25 2014

       George Dubspeak Bush from the maker's of canned beans.
popbottle, Mar 26 2014

       As an alternative to lipsynching, they could use animated bellybuttons (depending on whether this was countersunk or protuberant - eg African traditional midwifery produces very few countersunk bellybuttons, and many buttons and new appendages.)   

       ("Facts" may be taken with salt, if preferred.)   

       The bellybutton could have sharp little teeth, not perfectly unlike those of a Monkfish, for dentally oriented toothpaste ads.
skoomphemph, Mar 26 2014


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