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EU mandate for Belgium

Piss, or get off the pot.
  (+3, -1)
(+3, -1)
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Belgium has been running for an extended period with a "caretaker" government, since the system of representative democracy has repeatedly failed to produce a stable and viable coalition.

This makes Belgium, by some definitions, a "failed state".

It may be advantageous, therefore, to consider the intervention of an outside agency.

Several possibilities arise.

Since Belgium was created by other European powers as a sort of special place to have wars in, a number of hostile takeovers have ensued, notably in 1914 and 1940 (No names, no panzer drill). It would probably not be best therefore to invite - just as an example - the Germans to annexe Belgium. There might be a certain amount of public feeling against it. The same goes for a number of other European states.

Intervention by the USA would - based on the current pattern of behavior of that nation - probably consist of a large number of air strikes against infrastructure coupled with prolonged harangues in favor of "Democracy" on CNN. Since it is democracy that has produced the problem, trying to bomb the Belgian population into being democratic may be counter-productive.


The EU has a major presence in Brussels, and is setting itself up to be a "Federal" government in Europe.

We suggest that, as a proof-of-concept, the EU should be mandated by the UN to run Belgium as a going concern for five years.

At the end of this time, the Belgian population would indicate their desire to (1) go back to their previous system, (2) remain under EU governance, (3) annexe the Rhineland, Sudetenland and Austria, then sweep North-Eastward into Poland, (4) become the 51st State of the USA, (5) apply to the Japanese for advice on how to commit racial suicide. This desire would be indicated by a referendum carried out under internationally recognized supervision, or more likely by mass armed insurrection.

8th of 7, Jul 28 2011

A nice article about Belgium... http://www.bedlampl.../hres/potw%2086.pdf
...and why it is likely to fall apart. [DrBob, Jul 29 2011]

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       a rant, but a funny rant [+]
pertinax, Jul 28 2011

       By the way, I think you mean "ensued".
pertinax, Jul 28 2011

       We do indeed. Sp. fixed.
8th of 7, Jul 28 2011

       I will shamelessly take credit for having partially inspired this rant.   

       I have also spent the better part of the afternoon antagonizing [8th], which I believe most Halfbakers will agree is a public service unto itself.
Alterother, Jul 28 2011

       Well, the women in Belgium (possibly the greatest nation in the world) have all vowed not to have sex again until there is a new government. So the problem will go away after this last generation.
zeno, Jul 28 2011

       They should outsource their government, inviting bids from interested governments under EU commercial procurement rules.
hippo, Jul 29 2011

       Why not just auction their governmental process wholesale? I'd put a bid in on that.   

       [Alterother], King of Belgium.   

       Watch your backs, Frenchies...
Alterother, Jul 29 2011

       I rather think you have missed the point with this one, 8th. The issue isn't that the Belgians can't decide who they want to govern them but that they don't want Belgium to exist at all and would rather be two separate countries entirely. [-]
DrBob, Jul 29 2011

       That can be arranged. There are already historical precedents for cutting Belgium in half.
Alterother, Jul 29 2011

       Ah, the Schlieffen Plan ...
8th of 7, Jul 29 2011

       Surely Belgium should just be divided up among the other EU states on the basis of their population sizes or EU budget contributions? Otherwise what's the point of us being members of the EU?
hippo, Jul 29 2011

       // Ah, the Schlieffen Plan ... //   

       Once again, we seem to be on the same strange wavelength... <chill runs down back/> Am I... am I turning into... one of them?!
Alterother, Jul 29 2011

       "Come ... join us ... don't be afraid ... you'll wonder why you ever hesitated ..."
8th of 7, Jul 29 2011

       <puts down book about European railroad history/>   

       "That voice... so hypnotic.. makes me want to... hoard ammunition and start an underground resistance cell..."   

       <goes back to book, promptly falls asleep from boredom/>
Alterother, Jul 29 2011

       ... or the Masons, the Rosicrucians, opus Deii, the Illuminati ...   

       To be honest, they'd probably be a hell of a lot better off with an aggressive hegemonising cybernetic collective life form, and that's saying something.   

       At least we pay off our credit card bills at the end of every month.   

       // hoard ammunition and start an underground resistance cell //   

       That's just the voice of "common sense".   


       "We're advising all of our clients to put all of their money into canned foods and shotguns."   



       // book about European railroad history //   

       We have some VERY explicit pictures of Mallet 2-4-4-2 narrow gauge compounds, available in a plain brown wrapper to "discerning gentlemen customers". The password is "walschaerts" ....   

8th of 7, Jul 29 2011

       The US is a failed state, yes, but Maine is not. We haven't had any money for so long, we no longer have a use for it. We're perfectly happy up here in the mountains with our teleporting deer and underground resistance capacitors.
Alterother, Jul 29 2011

       The Voices are particualrly loud and insistent today, aren't they, [Alt] ?   

       Think happy thoughts about the Mount Washington Cog Railway, and take deep breaths .... deep breaths ... that's it ... the red mist will go away ... deep breaths ...   

       (Yes, yes, we know it's in NH, but it's practically walking distance, once you've gnawed through the leather straps ....)
8th of 7, Jul 29 2011

       I happen to make a decent living using resistance. Engineers like [8th] would be up shit creek without what I do.   

       Okay, there are no other engineers like [8th], but my point stands.
Alterother, Jul 29 2011

       I'm a steel fabricator. I was cheekily pointing out a good use for resistance (i.e. arc welding).
Alterother, Jul 29 2011

       "Mind The Gap ..."
8th of 7, Jul 29 2011

       By night, writer, aspiring professional. Which is why I spend so much time on HB. (If I didn't despise emoticons, I suppose I would insert a winky-face here)   

       Just got a responce from an agent who wants to see more of my work. Better than a rejection notice by a longshot.
Alterother, Jul 29 2011

       // I suppose I would insert a winky-face here //   

       You could do that, but then we'd have to kill you ...
8th of 7, Jul 29 2011

       You wouldn't have to; the day I use an emoticon, I'll off myself.
Alterother, Jul 29 2011

       Have you met many welders? I can't really see this working, except maybe as a comedy act...
Alterother, Jul 29 2011

       We would pay a dollar to watch that.   

       Unfortunately, welding Belgians together is a lost art, as the special flux is no longer made.
8th of 7, Jul 29 2011

       Never apologize. All input has worth. This forum is the closest thing I have ever found to a real-life version of John Galt's secret valley.
Alterother, Jul 29 2011

       Oh, sorry about that, we thought you were somebody we knew.
8th of 7, Jul 29 2011


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