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Ear, Nose, Mouth, Eyes & Scalp Statue Sprinkler System

install a water and soap based cleaning system in public statues
  [vote for,

The heads of public statues are subject to being convenient rest stops for all manner of birds, especially pigeons and seagulls. Of course a resting spot also makes for a toilet break and the head and shoulder areas of many statues are often streaked with copious amounts of guano.(aka bird shite) In some cases it's so prolific that it looks like a candle grease style waterfall. This is particularly noticeable in black metal cast figures.

Proper cleaning requires a lot of effort so I am proposing a better, permanent solution called the Ear, Nose, Mouth, Eyes & Scalp Statue Sprinkler System.

As its name suggests, an environmentally friendly soapy solution, followed by a clear water rinse, periodically cleans the head and shoulder areas of the statue. Both sets of liquids are emitted from a set of nozzles contained in the scalp, nose, eyes and scalp area of the statue and supplemented with a sprinkler contained in each ear that delivers water to the edge of the shoulders. The nozzles are quite invisible when viewing the statue.

All of this is possible due to a set of simple pumps, timer and reservoirs contained in the main body of the statue. All metal statues are hollow due to casting processes, so there is plenty of room to accommodate the apparatus.

For special events, the system can be altered to emit coloured bubbles particularly from the nose and mouth.

xenzag, Oct 24 2022

Museum uses explosions to save fine art from bird poop https://www.washing...art-from-bird-poop/
The most “delicate” way to spruce up century-old sculptures is to hit them with pellets of dry ice at supersonic speeds. [a1, Oct 24 2022]

Quick illustration https://www.tumblr....statue?source=share
based on one of Glasgow's famous statues [xenzag, Oct 24 2022]

Glasgow's famous bird poo stained heads https://www.heralds...tues-george-square/
[xenzag, Oct 24 2022]


       [+] … but needs more explosions (link).
a1, Oct 24 2022

       see quick illustration of one of several figures in George's Square and also link that shows the true nature of the problem there.
xenzag, Oct 24 2022

       Easier to mount a sprayer on the ground next to the statue that senses the birds in the area and sprays an arc or arcs of water that land on the statue's head no? Scares them away and washes the statue at the same time for any bird turds that managed to get through.
doctorremulac3, Oct 24 2022

       Have you ever been to Glasgow? Anything on the ground would be subject to attack by marauding Neds almost instantaneously and besides - I don't want to deter the birds in any way. Glasgow is also subject to constant gale force icy winds, causing the jets of water to simply blow away.
xenzag, Oct 24 2022

       Looking up Neds, those are street gangs? Do they attack existing sprinkler systems? If so I have a solution for that too. It's called jail.   

       And I'd think when those gale force winds are blowing, ten ounce birds sitting atop statues aren't going to be an issue.   

       As far as not wanting to deter birds, pretty sure water's going to scare them away whether it comes from the ground or the statue's nose.   

       I do think your water idea or some variation of it is a good idea though. Statues covered with shit are pretty gross.
doctorremulac3, Oct 24 2022

       // Ah Glasgow.... a super place with the greatest proliferation of vegan restaurants in the UK. Glasgow is calm and benign now...
—xenzag, Oct 10 2020 //

       // Have you ever been to Glasgow? Anything on the ground would be subject to attack by marauding Neds almost instantaneously ...
—xenzag, Oct 24 2022 //

       I find these conflicting accounts to be most conflicting.
a1, Oct 24 2022

       Not at all. Have you ever been to Glasgow? The Ned gangs have all taken up bird watching.
xenzag, Oct 24 2022

       And sprinkler theft, apparently.
a1, Oct 24 2022

       Needs to look like Billie Eilish.
RayfordSteele, Oct 25 2022


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