Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Fire Alarm II

make fires and be excited. For pyromaniacs
  (+3, -1)
(+3, -1)
  [vote for,

A building would be made for a high level of fire-related excitement. It would have slow burning spots, fast burning spots, places for extremely hot infernos, stinky spots, pine wood...

The user, having paid ahead of time would set fire to it and the business would send "fire fighters" to make a large amount of ado over it. They would raise ladders, spray water, race about, run in and out, rescue borglings, and so forth. Optionally the customer could be treated to an "ambulance ride" with a lot of attention and treatment. Add-on services include everything that is normally done at the site of a fire, except no one is actually harmed. Also optional, the "rescue" of actual people and grieving families standing by.

Voice, Sep 04 2020


       // rescue kittens //   

       And it was going so well, right up to that point...   

       Now, were you to replace the k-word with "puppies", a croissant would be forthcoming...   

       Also, "For pyromaniacs" would probably be a better description than "For arsonists".
8th of 7, Sep 04 2020

       Fires that have no chance of mayhem are not likely to appeal to arsonists.   

       (+) For the thought. Wannabe fire-fighters might be attracted though.   

       At first I thought this was tasteless and ill-advised and socially regressive and while that opinion hasn't changed I thought that it is the logical next step given the high degree of interest in and devotional attention to detail in the accurate live re-enactment of historical battles complete with acted fatalities to move on to the next stage staging live re-enactment of historical natural disasters with costumed interpreters playing the parts of the victims the bystanders and the rescue workers while the admission-paying public line up on the other side of the double-rope barrier so that they can admire the costumes and actions of the re-enactors fleeing from the scene before they have the chance to wander the craft village buying trinkets in time for the next showing at 3pm which would complete a grand family day out as well as stimulating the market for historical costumes and accessories as well as giving a lot of work to set-designers who would create the necessary landscapes and buildings for the show which could even be diversified to offer re-enactments of terrorist atrocities should that be desired.
pocmloc, Sep 04 2020

       Here, [poc], have this box of assorted punctuation marks - looks like you've run out.   

       [,,,,,,;;;;;;:::::: .......------????!!!!!! """"""''''''' {}{}{} ()()()()]   

       Also, maybe lay off the amphetamines for a few days ... ?
8th of 7, Sep 04 2020

       Is there a way to see the original version? 8th says there are no punctuation marks, while I'm reading: The user, (having paid ahead of time), would set fire to it; and the {business} would send "fire fighters" to make a large amount of .ado over it...
pashute, Sep 06 2020

       // Is there a way to see the original version? //   

       Of course. We percieve that Sir is desirous of purchasing a pair of BorgCo Punctuation Removal Reading Glasses, now available in James Joyce, [Beanangel], psychotic break, and Lysergic-acid induced stream-of-consciousness monologue.   

       A George W. Bush version is under development.
8th of 7, Sep 06 2020

       //George W. Bush version//
Converting typed scientific(-ish...) text to crayon at a pre- school comprehension level is some powerful magic... Good luck.
neutrinos_shadow, Sep 06 2020

       Mere magic probably won't be enough.   

       Theory states that in an infinite Multiverse, everything, no matter how absurd or bizarre, exists somewhere; the last U.S. Presidential election is pretty convincing evidence.   

       But the Dubya translator requires something rather beyond mere narrative causality - in fact, it may be the proof that the "everything exists somewhere" theory is wrong ...
8th of 7, Sep 06 2020

       I'll take one "psychotic break", please. And are there additional options?
Voice, Sep 07 2020


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