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Fly harnesses

Come fly with me . . .
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Tiny harnesses could be produced by people with very nimble fingers. They would then be slipped over the heads of flies, while they're distracted, and fine strings attached. Once several hundred thousand flies had been harnessed, the roller skate-wearing user would grasp the end of the strings in one hand, while in the other he'd hold a long thin pole with a piece of bread and jam dangling from the end. The flies would make for the jammy bread, pulling the user along behind them to his chosen destination.

Regular houseflies could be used for the averagely proportioned person, while bluebottles could be employed for "big boned", jolly people with nice personalities. Wasps should be avoided. They're lazy.

Not only would this idea give all the unemployed nimble-fingered people in the world something to do, it would also give meaning to flies' lives beyond vomiting on food and gathering on dog turds. And it would be eco-friendly as jam is believed by many scientists to be less harmful to the environment than petrol (gas).

jings, Apr 02 2004

Backpacks for Ants http://www.halfbake...kpacks_20for_20Ants
shameless plug includes horsefly harness [FarmerJohn, Oct 04 2004]

(??) Fly Powered Airplanes http://www.flyplane.net/
[Mr Burns, Oct 04 2004]

[link]






       You'd probably find out the true meaning of ' fly on the wall ' by joining them.
skinflaps, Apr 02 2004
  

       Good point, Tabs. Perhaps a subsidiary industry could be set up making and fitting tiny blinkers to the flies to keep them focused on the job at hand.
jings, Apr 02 2004
  

       House flys can't see dirctly in front of themselves at ground level. If you move slowly enough you can touch the fly's face. Keeping this in mind should make getting the harnesses on easier.   

       On a similar tangent - During a biology lecture at school the teacher got out a frozen locus and superglued a piece of thread to it. He then warmed up the locus, at which point it started to fly in circles held by the string. The idea was to show how fast they fly etc. but half way through a cycle the thread broke, flinging the locus into a cupboard where it left a nasty stain. Are these harnesses going to have any of the same nasty-stain problems?
miasere, Apr 02 2004
  

       With two hundred thousand, they would be dying like flies at two thousand a day, to be replenished with newly caught and harnessed brethren. With a flight envelope of 1 cubic centimeter each, the dense insect cloud the size of a couch cushion would need to be kept above the line of sight.
FarmerJohn, Apr 02 2004
  

       Now the problem is getting them all to fly in the same direction at the same time.
Letsbuildafort, Apr 02 2004
  

       miasere, do you mean a locust? can you really freeze dry those things with no ill-effect? sounds a bit like cryogenics...
po, Apr 02 2004
  

       My science class also tried this one, stunned the flies by putting them in the fridge, dropped hot wax under their wings and attached string. They were able to fly in circles quite freely, and incidentally, they can stay in the air for just five minutes before needing to come in for sustenance.
Helium, Apr 02 2004
  

       //He then warmed up the locus, at which point it started to fly in circles held by the string//
Would that describe the locus of a length of thread fixed at a point?.
Sorry, just a bit of fun for the boys in the pure mathematics department.
Nice bit of whimsy, [jings], can you find a good category please?
gnomethang, Apr 02 2004
  

       jings, this the kind of idea that drew me to the hb in the first place; totally barmy and I am not sure I like it but I hope it sticks around for ages...
po, Apr 02 2004
  

       //Now the problem is getting them all to fly in the same direction at the same time.//   

       Just get a dog turd on a fishing pole, like in the cartoons..
Mr Burns, Apr 02 2004
  

       //this the kind of idea that drew me to the hb in the first place//   

       "Dammit, dammit all to hell", he said, shredding his brilliant idea for a cold fusion generator. "Time to start working on that cockroach sled instead."
theircompetitor, Apr 02 2004
  

       what drew you here, tc?
po, Apr 02 2004
  

       The buzzing fly cloud? :)   

       I originally found it via Google, while researching a notion I had.   

       Once found, it's of course irresistible.
theircompetitor, Apr 02 2004
  

       Damn my myopia.   

       I thought the invention called for _horse_ flies. My jammy bread is untouched, I'm covered in welts, and am dizzy from loss of blood.
Guncrazy, Apr 02 2004
  

       Read Stephen King's "The Death of Jack Hamilton".
waugsqueke, Apr 03 2004
  

       I can't believe no-one's mentioned this yet: //They would then be slipped over the heads of flies, while they're distracted//...   

       Who's going to distract the flies? And how?
kmlabs, May 28 2004
  

       Do you really think that's the only issue?
angel, May 28 2004
  
      
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