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Garden Gnome Hit Squad

They look evil, they are evil!
  (+9, -5)
(+9, -5)
  [vote for,

I've always been suspicious of garden gnomes, there has to be more than pottery behind their creepy leers, so why not just add to their 'aura of evil', by making the Garden Gnome Assassination Squad?

See that fishing rod? It's really a camera! And that shovel? It's really a silenced gun, or similar weapon of death!

What happens is that the garden gnomes are place strategecally round the front an back and front yards, while the houses occupant is away. At the front of the door is a hamper with a note saying something along the lines of 'your long-lost aunt has died and left you her garden gnomes. You weren't in, so we put them round your house.' The man, puzzled, picks up the hamper, goes inside, (and the surveillance gnomes record the potential victims height/build stats, and relays itto the other gnomes of doom) and later on in the night, the garden gnomes create a disturbance, like, for example, a really loud dog barking, or a woman sceaming in terror (not the other kind of screaming), the occupant walks outside... And gets shot by the gnome with a trowel.

The last thing the victim sees is the evil leers of the gnomes as they are picked up and put into a van by people in black suits.

Can be adapted for various other lawn ornaments.

Failing that the gnomes don't work, the hamper has poisoned chocolate inside it, and the hamper is removed from the house after the hit, by the way.

Plus they bump off anyone who owns garden gnomes (there you go, [absinthe]) on the way.

froglet, Feb 25 2005

so... the exact opposite of this: G_2eN_2eO_2eM_2eE_2e_99_20Defense
[ato_de, Feb 26 2005]

You'll hate this movie. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0377981/
[waugsqueke, Feb 27 2005]


       Thought this was a clandestine organisation dedicted to the eradication of the menace that are garden gnomes. Disappointed.
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 25 2005

       [+] For not describing these as 'ninja' gnomes.
wagster, Feb 25 2005

       Why on earth would they be 'ninja' gnomes? Gnomes are creepy coz of those evil leers and too bright, too cheery clothes, kinda like clowns, really, when you think about it.   

       Anyway, ninjas aren't scary, yeah, they might have those implements of death (like those swords, daggers, and throwing stars), but they usually don't exist in this day and age, no matter how cool it would be if they did.   

       Gnomeninjas, maybe? Nah, I think you might have to have a bit of height to pull off the ninja thing...
froglet, Feb 25 2005

       Am I the only one here that thinks garden gnomes are cute in a kitschy sort of way? But I do like your idea, froggy. Truly sinister gnomes. Yes, I do like.
Machiavelli, Feb 25 2005

       "It's all in me head, it's all in me head..."
RayfordSteele, Feb 26 2005

       In all fairness to the poor burglars one should place a Beware Of Gnome sign on the fence.   

       [2 fry] 'Round where I live, we have to put up little disclaimer signs if we put sharp nails on fence ledges, so that if a burglar comes to pay a visit, they can't sue us!
froglet, Feb 26 2005

       I agree with UnaBubba. we need commando gnome eradicators who snipe the gnomes from blocks away, or show up with hammers in the middle of the night. If a neighbour's gnome is particularly menacing, call in a hit.
schematics, Feb 27 2005

       Poor little gnomes. There should be a group for saving garden gnomes: The Garden Gnome Liberation Front. I'd be president of it.
Machiavelli, Feb 27 2005

       Code Name: Project G-gnome.   


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