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Fight poaching with superstition

Turn the hunters into the hunted
  [vote for,

Spread the rumor that it has been discovered in a lab in Botswana that the blood of poachers has medicinal and aphrodisiac qualities, and the bones have been spiritually ossified to a hardness rivalling steel by the souls of the elephants the poacher has slaughtered. The blood is most potent when the poacher is exsanguinated while still living.

Then stand back and watch.

21 Quest, Nov 15 2013

Bodyguard of Lies http://en.wikipedia...i/Bodyguard_of_Lies
Named for a wartime quote of Winston Churchill. [8th of 7, Aug 23 2014]

Churchill, the darker side. https://www.faceboo...smosthorriblequotes
Some of his other qoutes weren't so good ;p [Skewed, Aug 23 2014]

Half the casualties, but more filling http://en.wikipedia...y_branch_of_service
Much as we hate to contradict 8th. Again. [4and20, Aug 24 2014]


       The trouble is, people might then think that this applies even more to poacher-poachers.
hippo, Nov 15 2013

       Love it.
Alterother, Nov 15 2013

       // applies even more to poacher-poachers // And why is that a "trouble"? The first step is that poachers start poaching other poachers. Then poachers start poaching poacher-poachers. Then they start poaching poacher-poacher-poachers. Before you know it they've left the Rino out of the loop entirely.

       One real downside is that some poachers will probably be smart enough to realize that the people buying these can't tell the difference between a poacher and any random human, and raiding a village is much easier than taking out an armed poacher.

       [+] Anyway because it will take some shift in thought of this order to actually make a difference.
scad mientist, Nov 15 2013

       Even though it's lying (haha) *poachers* are kind of evil, so they deserve it. [+]
xandram, Nov 15 2013

       Better to film a popular movie with a protagonist antipoacher from a community and surrounding affected by Imperialist colonization and an antagonist villain poacher who has adopted the Imperialist attitudes. One of the protagonists friends is decieved by a rumor and dies in a poaching accident. The protagonist, now antipoacher, must kill to avenge, however he does not wish to act in a way corresponding to the rumour that he believes is spread by Imperialists. He speaks to an old lady who says "to become a better man you must better men", he betters the man, but the rumour continues to haunt the villages.
rcarty, Nov 15 2013

       I'm imagining the following scenario: elephant poacher takes his poached ivory to a fence, who (to the poacher's shock and chagrin) draws a pistol and shoots him in the stomach, then draws a machete and approaches to speed up the exsanguination. Soon there won't BE many elephant poachers left because they'll be poached on sight by whomever it is they meet up with to offload the ivory.
21 Quest, Nov 15 2013

       That's how the friend died, he was taking the elephant and monkey parts to the cargo cult recievers, to whom he bragged about killing the animals, only to increase his corpse's value in the eyes of his killers. It was an accident because he was innocent of poaching the animals. For this the protagonist blamed the poacher who was in the same tribe as the men.
rcarty, Nov 15 2013

       This is all well and good, until the poacher poacher realizes that it's very difficult for a customer to tell if blood and bones come from a poacher or an innocent bystander.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 15 2013

       But that's not poking fun at superstitious people, but suggesting they would do something clever.
rcarty, Nov 15 2013

       I've always held that (and this applies to terrorists, drug cartel members, Somali pirates, and mimes as well) that the best way to stop poaching is to make it an unprofitable venture. Many people share that basic viewpoint and have taken great steps to end the black market sales of animal parts, but the way I see it they're going about it the complicated way: instead of putting poachers (and terrorists, drug pushers, pirates mimes, etc.) out of business, just start killing them on a massive scale. It's very difficult to enjoy your ill-gotten gains when you're dead.

       For some reason, people don't react well when I voice that proposal. Dunno why.
Alterother, Nov 15 2013

       Your viewpont is make it unprofitable because they're dead?
rcarty, Nov 15 2013

       Poachers are generally evasive and well-armed. The end-users of their products, less so. Kill the consumers.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 15 2013

       This idea would work because it pits the poachers AGAINST the consumers so they kill themselves off.
21 Quest, Nov 15 2013

       What [MB] said. All confiscated material should be soaked in 2,3,7,8- Tetrachlorodibenzodioxin, then returned to the black market. Anyone consuming or indeed handling such products will become contaminated and very seriously and chronically ill, but is (fortunately) unlikely to die quickly, thus serving as an excellent example to others.

       Word would soon get round.
8th of 7, Nov 15 2013

       That they were cursed and only a tonic made from critical pieces of endangered species can ward it off.
rcarty, Nov 15 2013

       Correct. "We see dead people ..."
8th of 7, Nov 15 2013

       I'm slightly less concerned with the fate of the local populace in places where they all agree there's not enough food to feed everyone anyway than I am with the fate of endangered elephants, monkeys, rhinoceri, and tigers. Local villagers can fend for themselves, they can arm themselves and fight off marauding poachers. If not... well, TIA.
21 Quest, Nov 15 2013

       Besides, who cares about poor people in hot countries far away ? And they're probably not even white ...

       Endemic disease, malnutrition and natural disasters are going to kill them anyway, so why worry ... ?

       (Oh, by the way, that was irony - for those of you who didn't notice)
8th of 7, Nov 15 2013

       The irony is that those are your actual opinions.

       Fight superstition with poaching anyone?
rcarty, Nov 15 2013

       Oooh, clever ... you noticed.

       // Fight superstition with poaching //

       How does that work, then ?
8th of 7, Nov 15 2013

       Shoot superstitious people and take photographs of yourself kneeling beside their prone bodies, your unseen hand propping their lifeless faces toward the camera.
rcarty, Nov 15 2013

       We can do that again now ? Last time, inexplicably, there was a lot of trouble …
8th of 7, Nov 15 2013

       Couldn't we just poach eggs for us... I mean them.   

       I’ll play the pacifist here and suggest a killing-free way to use superstition to reduce poaching: start/promote a horror story genre about the souls of countless ancestors of murdered rhinos etc. haunting to distraction or death those who drink/smoke etc. powdered rhino horn impotence medicine etc. Package the stuff as ancient folk myth-based documentary and the same superstitious mindset that makes folk think rhino horn tea improves virility will have them swallow horror movies plot as fact, shrinking the market.
CraigD, Nov 16 2013

       I recall reading a news article recently which described one antipoaching method as filling rhino horns with some red chemical to devalue them. A possible alternative would be to contaminate the horns with a difficult-to-detect anaphrodisiac.
21 Quest, Nov 16 2013

       That's hardly going to encourage more rhinos to breed, is it ?

       Whatever is done has to work without harming the rhino to which the horn is attached …
8th of 7, Nov 16 2013

       Agreed, unless it's detaching the horn from the rhino. Sadly, that works. The rhinos don't really seem to miss them once they get over the initial feeling of lightness, and the poachers have no reason to shoot a hornless rhinoceros, so they don't. On the flip side, killing the poachers is considerably cheaper, and a cause I will always champion.
Alterother, Nov 16 2013

       With recent advances in robotics and animatronics, it surely should not be too difficult to create a convincing rhino simulacrum which, packed with a few hundred pounds of explosive and some ball- bearings, would detonate when fired upon?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 21 2014

       Release a study showing that rino horn causes your wang to fall off. Fire up the photoshop and release pictures, fake inverviews and case histories etc.

       Evil people lie, maybe it's ok to lie for a good cause. I know that's what all liars say, then they twist what constitutes a "good cause" but I'd make an exception in this case.

       Call it a good natured hoax that might do some good. [+]
doctorremulac3, Aug 23 2014

       // it surely should not be too difficult to create a convincing rhino simulacrum which, packed with a few hundred pounds of explosive and some ball- bearings, would detonate when fired upon? //

       <clambers out from under remaining shredded sandbags>

       Initial test results tend to validate your hypothesis.

       // maybe it's ok to lie for a good cause. //

       Sir Winston Churchill certanly thought so <link>.
8th of 7, Aug 23 2014

       "In war-time, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies."

       Hmm. Churchill was a complicated man. One of my top 5 heroes.

       Think I might buy that book, looks pretty interesting.
doctorremulac3, Aug 23 2014

       Powdered tiger's testicles will make you immortal if taken with the last drop of blood of the person who sold it to you.
lurch, Aug 23 2014

doctorremulac3, Aug 23 2014

       //Powdered tiger's testicles// How can you tell which bits of the powdered tiger were the testicles?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 23 2014

       //Winston Churchill certanly thought so//

       A man who handed thousands of prisoners of war including women & children to the Russians * knowing (as evidenced by internal government memos from the time he both wrote & initialled) they'd all be butchered... which probably qualifies as a war crime under modern doctrine.

       Not so sure that's someone to take advice from ;)

       * White Russians (royalists if you will) who'd been fighting for the Germans (an enemy of my enemy kind of deal), fell into British hands along with their families & the Russians asked for them.
Skewed, Aug 23 2014

       //Fight poaching with superstition//

       So Dian Fossey's approach taken to it's natural conclusion... has a kind of synchronicity to it ;)
Skewed, Aug 23 2014

       // Not so sure that's someone to take advice from //

       Yes, far better to take advice from FDR, who had already approved deployment of the fission bomb prior to his death, and who then pulled US forces out of Indo-China prior to reocupation by the former colonial powers leaving Communist regimes to take over, resulting in a messy and ineffective counterinsurgency campaign in Vietnam, the Korean war, and who stood by while McArthur waged a bloody and entirely unnecessary campaign to liberate the Phillipines against Nimitz's advice, and was foolish enough to treat Stalin as if he were a reasonable politician rather than a bloodthirsty paranoid genocidal dictator only a gnat's whisker better than Hitler, and in some ways decidedly worse, thus consigning much of Eastern Europe to decades of misery, squalor and repression because he wouldn't back up Winston who recognised at Yalta the threat that the USSR posed.

       Er, does that sound a bit ranty ?
8th of 7, Aug 23 2014

       //Er, does that sound a bit ranty//

       Yes, a little ranty can be good though, shows you care ;)

       Someone worse (or more stupid) doesn't make bad men good, nasty ones nice or change facts ;p
Skewed, Aug 23 2014

       Bringing facts into an argument is underhand, [8th].
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 23 2014

       ;) It's amazing how inconvenient they can be sometimes isn't it.
Skewed, Aug 23 2014

       <tries to recall quote that mentions "inconvenient truth" ...>
8th of 7, Aug 23 2014

       What did Churchill need FDR's backing for? We thought y'all had that shit. You had the Mighty Monty, after all, am I right?
21 Quest, Aug 23 2014

       I say create a survey of rhino horn users on the internet. What is their preferred way to take it, did their cancer go into remission, etc., then hunt them down. Create a synthetic equivalent to match outrageous claims.

       All signs are that Churchill bloviated for years while letting Russia run rampant across Europe. Maybe he gave his Iron Curtain speech(es) as a last attempt to get UK public opinion behind the opening of a second front, maybe he didn't.
4and20, Aug 23 2014

       // What did Churchill need FDR's backing for? //

       Very sensibly, he wanted to be sure that if Britain went to war (with the USSR) to secure peace and freedom, the US wouldn't wait a few years before joining in, like the previous two times.

       // You had the Mighty Monty, after all, am I right? //

       You are indeed correct, but he had to be in reserve in case the Japanese staged their own version of the Battle of the Bulge, in which case he would have to have gone straight to the Pacific theatre.

       // letting Russia run rampant across Europe.//

       "letting Russia pay the lion's share of the blood-price for defeating Hitler" ... i.e. 11 milion military fatalities, compared with slightly less than 1 million for the UK and USA combined.

       UK civilian deaths were small by comparison, and US losses even smaller.

       Russian civilian deaths just during the siege of Leningrad amounted to 642,000 ...
8th of 7, Aug 23 2014

       Yup. Too bad Stalin's little "Let's be friends with Hitler" pact didn't pan out.
doctorremulac3, Aug 23 2014

       //up. Too bad Stalin's little "Let's be friends with Hitler" pact didn't pan out

       Hmm, in a manner of speaking, it did. Stalin considerately did the spade work on "putting ethnic minorities on train journeys very few return from" notion. Presumably it was Hitler's refusal to pay out the franchise fees that triggered the conflict?
not_morrison_rm, Aug 23 2014

       Of course not - it was the usual reason for the outbreak of a merciless battle of extinction; Stalin wouldn't return the hedgecutters he'd borrowed, so Hitler started parking his car across Stalin's driveway. Stalin cut some overhanging branches off Hitler's apple tree, and the next thing you know, panzer spearheads are heading for Moscow.

       And the poor old ostrich died for nothing …
8th of 7, Aug 23 2014

       The U.S. lost more men in Europe than the UK did, despite sending its first fighting forces -- as opposed to food convoys,etc. -- some 3 years after the UK declared war. Churchill did arm, send, and starve 2.5 million Indians during the war, with a preference for what became Pakistanis. No one likes getting blood on the silverware, but let's call a hedgecutter a hedgecutter and an ostrich an ostrich.
4and20, Aug 24 2014

       //U.S. lost more men

       Tch, try GPS next time.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 24 2014

       // The U.S. lost more men in Europe than the UK did, despite sending its first fighting forces --some 3 years after the UK declared war. //

       ... which, more than anything, bespeaks lack of training and poor generalship.

       // Churchill did arm, send, and starve 2.5 million Indians during the war, with a preference for what became Pakistanis. //

       The Bengal famine was as a result of the loss of rice supplies from Burma. Yes, more could have been done, but there was a war on, you know.
8th of 7, Aug 24 2014

       Yes, there was a war on, YOUR war, and we weren't late to it. We were letting you handle your own affairs. It was only after you proved to be laughably incapable of doing so that we finally decided to come to your rescue and show you how it's done.

       You guys had France, USSR, Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, China, Denmark, Greece, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, South Africa, and Yugoslavia to help but it wasn't until we got involved that shit started getting done. Isn't that interesting?
21 Quest, Aug 24 2014

       // Yes, there was a war on, YOUR war, //

       We weren't greedy ... we let others join in, there wasn't even a membership fee.

       // and we weren't late to it. //

       Just slightly delayed ...

       // We were letting you handle your own affairs. //

       Yes, what DID happen to that policy ...?

       // It was only after you proved to be laughably incapable of doing so that we finally decided to come to your rescue and show you how it's done. //

       How, by being a horrible example ?

       // You guys had France, //

       Sp. "handicap"

       // USSR, //

       Yes, when they finally finished selling oil and mineral ores to the Germans ...

       // Belgium, //

       Acknowledged experts in biological warfare, judging by the smell of the drains ...

       // it wasn't until we got involved that shit started getting done. Isn't that interesting? //

       Hence the frequent interchange, "Hey, the Yanks are here ..." "Oh shit. And I thought it coudn't get any worse".
8th of 7, Aug 24 2014

       //You guys had France, USSR, Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, China, Denmark, Greece, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, South Africa, and Yugoslavia//

       Not an entirely invalid point, if you remove all the German occupied countries that were out for the count before it really got started.

       So that was what... France, Belgium, Denmark, Greece, Netherlands, Norway, Poland & Yugoslavia (not entirely sure about some of those)?

       USSR didn't get involved until well into the scrap, so I guess they shouldn't count & I didn't think the Chinese were involved in the European theatre (though they do some nice (if a bit strange) theatre of their own) & had Japan to worry about anyway.

       The Germans had holdings in Africa too, so south Africa is maybe a wash?

       So lets see... that leaves Australia, Brazil & Canada doesn't it, & given the way you Americans rate the Canadians we should probably scratch them too?

       So what's left, some Ozzies from half way round the world who almost certainly turned up drunk & some women with interesting bikini waxes?

       Not sure how much help you really think that would have been ;)
Skewed, Aug 24 2014

       Well, 8th, your women sure were enthusiastic about our arrival. Greeted us with open arms AND legs.
21 Quest, Aug 24 2014

       Yes, we always suspected that was your real ulterior motive for turning up late, wait until the guys have been gone a bit & the gals are feeling deprived & desperate, then show up.

       Which begs the question, is that really the only way you can get women ;p
Skewed, Aug 24 2014

       //Well, 8th, your women sure were enthusiastic about our arrival. Greeted us with open arms AND legs.//

       (walks in, takes off hat) Is this the Anglo-American Friendship Club meeting...? Oh, my mistake. (puts on hat, pulls it down over eyes and backs out the door)

       (Sticks head back in door) "But to be fair, the British invasion 25 years later probably evened the score." (ducks back out door dodging the beer bottles thrown at the head)
doctorremulac3, Aug 24 2014

       // Is this the Anglo-American Friendship Club meeting...? //

       Indeed it is. Don't go, the evening's just warming up ... when we've finished with the 20th century, there's a break for refereshments, then it's the 19th century and burning the White House and then pretty soon someone will mention John Paul Jones and taxation without representation, and then "disloyalty" will be dragged in and then it's ambulances at midnight ....

8th of 7, Aug 24 2014

       Well now you've gone & spoiled it by telling me the ending, it won't be as much fun now :(
Skewed, Aug 24 2014

       Well actually, we tend to prefer women with better teeth, we were being quite magnanimous by accepting their enthusiastic embrace. Hearts and minds, ya know, hearts and minds...
21 Quest, Aug 24 2014

       Ah.. this may be were your problem with women lies, try not treating them like horses, at least wait until they're asleep before checking their age by their teeth.
Skewed, Aug 24 2014

       //women with better teeth, //

       Figures ... after all, that would be the obvious way American men would judge female attractiveness, given that under all the makeup and cosmetic surgery, the average American girl is just about as attractive as the second favourite in the 15:30 at Ascot ...
8th of 7, Aug 24 2014

       //Indeed it is. Don't go, the evening's just warming up//

       (Cautiously steps back in, takes a sip off the offered mug.) "Hey, who forgot to refrigerate the beer?"
doctorremulac3, Aug 24 2014

       Sorry, wrong mug.

       <proffers mug of overcooled fizzy non-alcoholic yeast-flavoured soft drink, made from a mix of horse urine and ditch water >
8th of 7, Aug 24 2014

       Hmm. Just Coors eh? I'll stick with whisky thanks.
doctorremulac3, Aug 24 2014

       Interesting. The Wikipedia link says that the U.S. had more men killed than the entire British empire, but at half the casualty rate. Must have been all the active duty Yanks assigned to repopulating UK women.
4and20, Aug 24 2014

       Regarding the post slamming Churchill for being a genocidal racist, ironic that other people who like this site are fans of sites supporting the destruction of Israel, presumably along with the people currently living there.

       If we're going to open the "Big Book of Ugly Facts" we might want to keep reading about his contemporaries. Leaders in those times supported their people without much handwringing about conflicting interests with other people. And to be fair, the: "We'll give an inch, you give an inch" doctrine of fair negotiation in political affairs is still to being tested against those who like only half of that bargain, the "You give an inch" part. The barbaric "I support my people and screw everybody else." doctrine is still very popular and it remains to be seen if who's going to inherit this planet, the logical "Let's share the Earth" folks or the "Take over the Earth at any cost and kill anybody who gets in our way" folks.

       Churchill did everything he could to defeat Hitler then did what he could to stop Stalin. These remain his biggest achievements. His attitude about race and empire don't change the fact that everybody, from all races, benefited from his actions.

       Hey 8, this is your guy, how come you're not defending him? I've got my hands full defending FDR which is, believe me, not an easy job.
doctorremulac3, Aug 25 2014

       Partly because "There is such a thing as a nation being so right that it it does not need to convince others by force that it is right" (Woodrow T Wilson) but mostly because you're guzzlng the single malt whisky ...
8th of 7, Aug 25 2014

       True, single malt whisky does give a man an incontrovertible bully pulpit.

       That being said, the Woodster isn't very high on my list of Presidents worth quoting. Come to think of it I don't actually have a list of Presidents worth quoting but that's beside the point.
doctorremulac3, Aug 25 2014

       There are a few ...

       George Washington: "Where the fuck did all those fucking redcoats come from ?"

       James Madison: "The fucking Canucks have set fire to WHAT ? "

       James Monroe: "Just tell those fucking bastards this is OUR fucking hemisphere".

       Abraham Lincoln: "I'd rather be shot through the fucking head than have to watch the rest of this fucking play".

       Ulysses S Grant: "Fuck it, Lee, just sign the fucking surrender".

       Andrew Johnson: "That's a shitload of money for a fucking dump like Alaska".

       Theodore Roosevelt: "Where's that fucking bear gone ?"

       Woodrow Wilson: "I knew I shouldn't have trusted those fucking Krauts !"

       Herbert Hoover: " I'm going to clean the fucking floor with you !"

       Franklin D Roosevelt: "Fucking Japs! "

       Harry S Truman: "Go ahead Groves, fry those little yellow fuckers !"

       Dwight D Eisenhower: "I can't stand the little fucker either, Brad, but you'll have to let Monty run this".

       John F Kennedy: "That fucking hurts !"

       Richard M Nixon: "What fucking tapes ?"

       Gerald Ford: "He's fucking quit ? Fuck !"

       Ronald Reagan: "Russia ? Fuck Russia ! "

       William J Clinton: "Oh fuck, that's good ..."

       George W Bush: "Listen, you fuckers, my Daddy had a war, and I'm fucking well going to have a fucking war too".
8th of 7, Aug 25 2014

       Of course there's the little talked about: Abraham Lincoln: "I freed the what?"
doctorremulac3, Aug 25 2014


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