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Gravity Police

(+4, -4)
  [vote for,

Gravity Police will call at any time to make sure that you are in full compliance with the law.

They have the authority to pick up and drop you, or any object in your home, over a measured distance; record the time taken to complete the fall, and calculate the gravitational constant from the results.
Punishments for defying the law in this matter are severe; up to and including having all of your possessions thrown off a cliff to verify that you have made them comply.

Under development: EBI (Entropy Bureau of Investigation) You really don't want Them to call.

xenzag, Jul 08 2011

YIKES!!! Helium_20Charged_20Dog_20Food
I hope they don't confiscate my dog!!! [Grogster, Jul 08 2011]


       Eeeeek ! We use artificial gravity in our Cube ....   

       Will there be Detector Vans ?
8th of 7, Jul 08 2011

       You have been reported, and I get a reward. Start nailing everything to the floor - that really confuses them.
xenzag, Jul 08 2011

       If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so.   

       All bodies are equal in the eyes of the law of gravity. How much more just can you get?
Wrongfellow, Jul 08 2011

       I find this law to be neither morally right nor fair and it is in need of at least getting a bit bent... same as the lightspeed limit.   

       I can't drive 670,616,629 mph.   

       Nitrous Oxide ?
8th of 7, Jul 08 2011

       You just don't get it [bigsleep]
xenzag, Jul 08 2011

       Insist on a Bell jar.   

       Leaning towers are notoriously inaccurate. [+]
FlyingToaster, Jul 08 2011

       Funny, just the other day after realizing I have in the past purchased water, air, and dirt, I pondered the establishment of a gravity tax.
normzone, Jul 08 2011

       Doorbel rings. Sound of several toilets flushing simultaneously. Angry voice shouts "I *told* you to stick a pin in that balloon before putting it down the john!"
mouseposture, Jul 08 2011

       //Er, no. Explain.// [bigsleep] - Police enforce the law. There is a law of gravity. Therefore there are police to enforce that law. These enforcers are known as Gravity Police. They bring highly accurate measuring equipment to make sure that you are in compliance. They punish you if they detect any infringement. The testing process is destructive. The punishment for any recorded gravitational deviation is even more destructive and severe. The Gravity Police are to be feared. Respect the Law of Gravity in your home at all times!
xenzag, Jul 08 2011

While it may be an attactive concept, I find it repulsive in nature.

       I was wondering what kind of uniform they wear?
xandram, Jul 09 2011

       Silver gray suits.
xenzag, Jul 09 2011

       //Police enforce the law.//   

       This one's self en-"force"-ing. Any officers who applied any addition or diminution of the already occurring force would be in violation themselves.
lurch, Jul 10 2011

       They wouldn't be applying any additional force... just dropping stuff, and making a measurement to see if it was in compliance. Standards must be maintained.
xenzag, Jul 10 2011

       There are a whole bunch of other laws that don't have special constables employed to police individually. What with the; Thermodynamic Police, The Gas Police (aka The Boyle Police), The Newton Police (regarding Motion in general, rather than Gravity in particular) The Ohm Police, Gauss Police, Faraday Police, The Godwin Police, The Moore Police, The Azimov Police, The Cole Police (entrusted to uphold Cole'slaw), The Murphy Police, The Benford Police, The Hooke Police... and before long, you're running a police state.   

       Also, are the Gravity Police Newtonian, or Einstinian? Since 1916 when General Relativity was published, this should supersede Newton's 'Law', with a more geometric description of gravity (that more closely matched observations e.g. Mercury, which didn't quite 'go' with the old Newtonian 'Laws' - presumably the Gravity Police would have to arrest the whole planet, and drop it...though, I'm not sure onto what) Do they even have jurisdiction any more?
zen_tom, Jul 10 2011

       not to mention the shredded cabbages police.
FlyingToaster, Jul 10 2011

       [zen tom] I was wondering how long it would take you to surface with one of your lists..... Gravity is the most serious of all laws, being the most inscrutable, but also the one that folk like to attempt to defy with regularity. Machines are even available for which people will actually pay money to check their gravitational index.
xenzag, Jul 10 2011

       [FlyingToaster] - I wondered when Coles was going to show up...
neutrinos_shadow, Jul 11 2011

       [xenzag] I do like a list - truly the hammer in the toolbox of discourse.   

       Also, relativistic issues aside, wouldn't we need to measure the *mass* of a person/object independently of any gravitational flim-flammery? Those "weighing" machines you refer to merely infer mass based on the tenuous assumption that they are to be used here (or for those who are otherwise located; there) on Earth.
zen_tom, Jul 11 2011

       //the hammer in the toolbox of discourse//
Excellent! Ten points.
calum, Jul 11 2011

       //wouldn't we need to measure the *mass* of a person// That would be the business of the Holy See, and would probably require and inquisitorial process. Do you really want to bring them into this?
xenzag, Jul 11 2011

       //probably require and inquisitorial process// Also, destructive testing.
mouseposture, Jul 11 2011

       [zen_tom] I had those Hooke Police around my place the other day. They were looking for joints.
Gordon Comstock, Jul 11 2011

       // probably require and inquisitorial process. Do you really want to bring them into this? //   

       <Obligatory Python Reference>   

       "I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition !"   

8th of 7, Jul 11 2011

       Now I'm wondering if I should also launch a Gravy Police Branch to check for lumps.
xenzag, Jul 11 2011

       It does shine a new light on the expression "getting the drop on" someone...
Alterother, Jul 11 2011

       // Gravy Police Branch to check for lumps //   

       You're just stirring things up ...
8th of 7, Jul 11 2011


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