Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
This would work fine, except in terms of success.

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Heatsink cuisine recipe book

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This idea relies on PC manufacturers making computers with the CPU's heatsink poking through the top of the PC's case (in much the same way as custom cars of the 70's had miscellaneous bits of engine poking through the bonnet) and also on these heatsinks having a flat non-stick surface on top, like a very small frying pan. The recipes possible on such a device (assuming a reasonably high-spec CPU with a good heat output) such as a single fried egg, a small pancake, a rasher of bacon, etc. would then be collected together into a recipe book and sold.

Then, just as the cookery book themes of the 1980's fill charity shops now (Chinese cookery, Microwave cookery, Vegetarian dinner parties...) in about 20 years this book would frequently show up in charity shops and car boot sales as a reminder of late nights surfing the web and the smell of CPU-cooked pancakes with maple syrup.
hippo, Aug 14 2006

a tiny omelette for [zen_tom] http://tinyfood.blo...mini-omelettes.html
[xandram, Aug 14 2006]


       + I like it, but I would also like to see a new line of tiny cookware to go along with it, like the baking pans that come with children's toy stoves.
xandram, Aug 14 2006

       <Dehlia Smith voice>   

       ..and after mixing the eggs, the flour and that pinch of salt, rub in the castor sugar and creme fresh then pop the whole mixture onto a granite benchtop, which you have prepared by dusting with a little flour. Knead the mixture vigorously for forty minutes, taking great care that your husband can see the way your bosoms squeeze together as you do so. Then taking a sharp knife, cut your rolled pastry into this ..sort of.. erotic ..vaginal sort of pointy ellipse shape. Roll up your shapes begining at one pointy end...like so. Then just give them a little bendy shape..you want a sort of... erotic.. sort of.. moon shape..like this.   

       Now, just pop them into your heatsink oven, google 'halfbakery + super simple reverse osmosis + bad science + density of seawater has absolutely nothing to do with it you twits' and this lovely batch of croissants should be ready in no time. In fact if you've done the squeezy bosom pastry kneading thing properly, there is time for the Sunday morning minute shag before taking your croissants out."
ConsulFlaminicus, Aug 14 2006

       It would be awesome to be able to buy tiny full english breakfast ingredients. Eggs that measure about 5mm, rashers of bacon approx 4x11mm, little mushrooms of approx 2-3mm in diameter, tomatoes of similar dimensions - the works. Fry them up in a little pan placed atop your Heatsink stove, and enjoy over slices of acid-tab sized buttered toast.   

       I'd consider posting this as a fully fledged idea, but I'm not convinced there are any ways to produce real pigmy ingredients such as these.
zen_tom, Aug 14 2006

       Also I'm slightly perturbed (and worst of all, slightly turned-on) by [ConsulFlaminicus]'s erotic Delia. It's just not right. Here I am, sitting at work minding my own business, baking along without a care, and now I've got Delia's motherly boobs squidging about in my mind - it's not right. Not right at all I tell you!
zen_tom, Aug 14 2006

       I like this idea but I prefer to cook with gas as oppose to electric. Is there any way to convert my computer to propane gas? I have an IBM Aptiva from 1973 with 2 bits of RAM. My monitor is one of those black ones with sickly green letters. Thanks for all of your help.   

       P.S.- //..sort of.. erotic ..vaginal sort of pointy ellipse shape.//   

       Is there a word out there that is the female equivalent of "phallic"? Besides "vaginal sort of pointy ellipse shape", I mean.
NotTheSharpestSpoon, Aug 14 2006

       [ntss] I believe the word you are looking for is 'yonic'. You might try O'Keefesque, but I may have just made that up.
zen_tom, Aug 14 2006

       Mmm, quail eggs.
baconbrain, Aug 14 2006

       //here is time for the Sunday morning minute shag before taking your croissants out.//

Get your croissants out for the lads!

Cough...erm...sorry about that.
DrBob, Aug 14 2006

       //minute shag//   

       Is that a very small sea bird, similar to a cormorant?
Frankx, Aug 15 2006

       ...small enough, perhaps, to cook on a heatsink hotplate? (attempts to drag rambling conversation about erotic TV chef fantasies and seabirds back on topic)
hippo, Aug 15 2006

       The smallest egg is laid by the Vervian humming bird, Mellisuga minima, which is found in Jamaica and Cuba. The egg is less than 10 mm in length and has a mass of 0.386g.   

       A suitable bacon minimimic would be slivers of house mouse belly flap, cured for some time in pork fat and brine.   

       Baked Beans? - perhaps sesame seeds in a miso paste and tomato sauce slurry.   

       All cooked up using your set of "Housewife Barbie" miniature kitchen tools.
ConsulFlaminicus, Aug 15 2006

       Mouse bacon! Is that kosher? (Obviously not if it's been soaked in port-fat - but anyway)
zen_tom, Aug 15 2006

       "Squidging about in my mind". Hah!   

       [CF], I'll be honest, that was gratuitous, unnecessary, and not at all expected. Call me a prude, but I'd be happier if it wasn't so, er, graphic.
david_scothern, Aug 16 2006

       This is wrong on so many levels.   

       1: To avoid the spread of food borne diseases, you must heat your food to a temperature of 160F or higher. Any CPU that can put out that much heat from the top of it is likely to catch the wiring insulation on fire.   

       2: Cooking is inherently messy, and a computer screen should be inherently clean. I don't want grease spattering and spilled ingredients anywhere near my keyboard or monitor... and the chance of getting it in the motherboard is not something I favor either.   

       3: With such a device as this, all I'd need is a mini fridge, and I'd spend full days sitting on the computer doing web searches for Dehlia Smith.
ye_river_xiv, Aug 16 2006


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