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Hi-vis for elephants

Cheap and effective.
  [vote for,

According to a WWF advert on Classic FM, "Elephants are disappearing at an alarming rate".

Now, we have observed actual live elephants in a number of settings, and we consider that - without the aid of a professional magician - the disappearance of an elephant, even a calf, would be quite difficult to engineer. Elephants are quite big compared to many other terrestrial life-forms on your planet. Providing a human has at least some level of visual function, not seeing an elephant at distances under 50 metres in average daytime conditions presents considerable problems, mostly related to the fact that they are bloody huge, messy noisy things that amble round in herds, eating everything they can reach.

We conclude that this phenomenon is therefore likely to occur at night. Elephants have a greyish, non-reflective outer surface, and in the absence of artificial illumination are no doubt quite challenging to spot with the unassisted human eye at anything more than short range*. Impromptu experimentation using a cow and ten litres of grey emulsion paint produced convincing evidence of visibility limitations, a very puzzled cow, and an inexplicably angry and unreasonably aggressive farmer (who was far from difficut to spot, and could run alarmingly fast).

The logical conclusion is that it is necessary to provide elephants with high visibility garments.

This would take the form of a robust, durable cover manufactured in an appropriate yellow or orange material, with an appliqué of ScotchBrite™ reflective banding. In addition, a photovoltaic panel could collect energy during the day, which could be employed to power LED strobes after dark.

Adult elephants have no natural predators, and their foodstuff is vegetable, meaning that even if a plant spots an approaching hungry elephant, it is poorly equipped to take any sort of evasive action.

And thus the disappearance of elephants will cease.

Hi-Vis for Elephants. You know it makes sense.

*However, the unassisted human nose can detect the presence of an elephant at quite long distances. Unfortunately.

8th of 7, Dec 03 2017

One solution... https://www.youtube...watch?v=Pl3YXl_m0uk
Simply invoke drugged Disney character technology... [RayfordSteele, Dec 04 2017]


       Wouldn't this make them even easier to exterminate by pervert Trump Scum trophy hunters, thus accelerating their demise?
xenzag, Dec 03 2017

       Surely Trump Scum trophy hunters would be out looking for Trump Scum? Do try to keep up, mon amie.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 03 2017

       HIV is for elephants??
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 03 2017

       // trophy hunters //   

       Trophy hunters can afford to have image intensifier sights on their weapons. Thus, the presence or absence of hi-vis is irrellevant.   

       Besides, why bother to hunt at night ? Elephants aren't nocturnal. Just get your guide to drive your air-conditioned 4x4 to a convenient spot in daylight, and take your shot.   

       However, it's best to check beforehand, as not all zoos have a clear line of sight from the car park to the elephant enclosure. Safari parks are much superior from this point of view, as not only is it possible to observe elephants in something more representative of their natural environment, but it's possible to get much, much closer, thus ensuring a one-shot-one-kill scenario.   

       No-one likes to waste ammunition.
8th of 7, Dec 03 2017

       Err...illuminated elephants exist...I have seen them in Petchaburi, not to mention "...enforce some of Bangkok' archaic laws, such as the one requiring elephants working at construction projects inside Bangkok's city limits at night to have a red tail light affixed to their swishing tails." George H. Stollwerck
not_morrison_rm, Dec 04 2017

       Fair enough. We did not say that illuminated elephants do not already exist.   

       The idea is intended to address, in a systematic way, the stated problem of disappearing elephants. As a proof-of-concept, the illuminated elephants to which you refer merely underline the importance, practicallity and excellence of our scheme.
8th of 7, Dec 04 2017

       Elmer the elephant - he’s lovely and stripey
DDRopDeadly, Dec 04 2017

       I think you'll find that elmering an elephant is illegal in most countries, as is muffin the mule.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 04 2017

       // a special room for the elephant //   

       It's called the european parliament, and it does indeed stink like it's had a family of incontinent elephants living in there for the last five decades.
8th of 7, Dec 04 2017


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