h a l f b a k e r y
Make mine a double.
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Sex is such a wonderful, fulfilling
activity, but it is also a pervasive and
sometimes destructive influence in our
lives. The tension that exists between
coworkers, classmates, and complete
strangers is unbearable for some and
distracting to most. Why has technology
not yet been implemented
to solve this
My suggestion is to use holographic,
videographic, and motion capture
technologies, coupled with some sort of
physical apparatus, to simulate the sex
experience. Sure, it sounds ridiculous, but
it's really a win-win-win-win situation.
First, you could download sexual episodes
that would guarantee the best sex you've
ever had, and that would complete your
wildest fantasies. Second, you could have
sex with anyone you could get a digital
photograph of without intruding on their
life or even having to confront them in a
sexual manner. Third, it would cut down
on unwanted side effects of recreational
sex, like unwanted children and disease.
Fourth and finally, it would radically
redefine social interaction and sex roles.
The first and most immmediate
problem that comes to mind is that this
would be prohibitively expensive, and I
don't want rich people to have all the fun.
If everyone who wished to use the
machine was able, I cannot think of any
problems that this idea would create...only
a host of them that it would solve!
||When your maid quits, don't expect the size of the tip you left to be an issue.
||no holographic sexcapades until after you've done your homework.
||THEORETICALLY, this would give new meaning to the phrase 'go (expletive) yourself'.
||Arnold S. "The 6th Day", there was a holographic girl...correction, a virtual girl, the guy wore a virtual reality mask to "experience" her.
||WTCTTISITMWIBNIIWR (see help file)
||Presumably, once this became
mainstream, the major software
companies would get in on the act. I
really, really, really do not want a little
Microsoft Office Assistant popping up
with helpful hints at critical moments.
||Call me a reactionary luddite
traditionalist if you will, but good old-
fashioned pornography was good
enough for my grandmother and, by
golly, it's good enough for me.
||I'm reminded of a certain Red Dwarf episode.
||i guess that zinc supplement is working for you.
||Coworker 1: "goodmorning coworker!"
Coworker 2: "goodmorning coworker!"
Coworker 1: "did you have sex with me last night?"
Coworker 2: "I sure did! It was wondefull! Did you do me aswell?"
Coworker 1: "every night and you know it, wanna try for real sometime?"
Coworker 1and 2 in chorus: "naaah"
||Count Zero (then just lowly Bobby Newmark) is philosophical about his apartment being rocketed, but must have regretted saying goodbye to the holo-porn girls he spent his teenage years growing up with.
||i wish this idea was vaguely possible, but alas i will shelve it earnestly with the myriad of other juvenile fantasies that i only think about when i am naked and alone.