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Hummer Redeployment

Use civilian Hummers as decoys in Iraq
  (+10, -6)
(+10, -6)
  [vote for,

This solves several problems at once: it protects our troops in Iraq from IED attacks and gets oversized gas-wasting behemoths off the streets of the US. Attacking the global oil supply problem from BOTH ends! Here's how it works:


1) Confiscate by eminent domain (or the SHEER PATRIOTISM of their owners!) all civilian Hummer, H2, H3 vehicles in the US. Since many of these were written off as a "business expense" by podiatrists, CPAs, etc. before the loophole was closed it is only fitting that they be recycled for the public good.

2) Re-paint the seized Hummers in military colors. Outfit with radio control devices. Ship to Iraq.

3) Re-train some Predator pilots to operate the Hummers remotely. Fill them with mannequins dressed as soldiers. As a bonus, outfit the mannequins with defective body armor.

4) Send convoys of remotely operated mannequin-filled Hummers down the most dangerous roads in Iraq. Let the insurgents waste their IEDs and suicide bombers on them.

5) Follow up with real troops in properly armored Hummers to counterattack insurgents when they come to finish off the "convoy" and take American prisoners.

5a) For extra irony, fill the radio-controlled Hummers with improvised explosives.

6) Every donor of a civilian Hummer used in the project gets a replacement: a hybrid Honda Civic, a nice sensible station wagon, pickup truck or minivan based on their actual vehicle use. Oh, and the thanks of a grateful nation.

GM wins - our soldiers win - people driving sensible vehicles win - insurgents and gas-wasters lose!

strange606, Jun 28 2006

Mad Max SUVs http://www.flickr.c...orfortis/143322630/
[tcarson, Jul 01 2006]


       i'm not sure you can use eminent domain on things like cars. the example i've seen cited is that if the government needs to build a road or something, they don't have to build around someone's property.
tcarson, Jun 28 2006

       Can be seized in the event of martial law. I don't see that happening, though. Shame, because I like this idea.
shapu, Jun 28 2006

       lack of hummers is not worth declaration of martial law.
tcarson, Jun 28 2006

       it would have been during the Clinton era.   

       I can't believe I just wrote that. Hanging my liberal head in shame.
Galbinus_Caeli, Jun 28 2006

       OK, the eminent domain thing is a bit of a hang-up. That bit in the bill of rights about property not being taken without due process... then again we also have that bit about searches not being made without due process and the President's "war powers" seem to be able to get around that one OK.   

       Maybe if AG Gonzales issues an opinion that a "Support Our Troops" ribbon on any Hummer should be taken literally? That should deliver enough vehicles to get the program started, at least!
strange606, Jun 28 2006

       bad [GC], no cookies for you. i want your liberal media press pass and your sense of dignity before you leave.
tcarson, Jun 28 2006

       [tcarson], that used to be the purpose of eminent domain. As of late there is a shift towards confiscation of private property for profit of private parties, as evidenced in some east coast community recently, so I'm sure if the will was there the precedent could be cited.
normzone, Jun 28 2006

       okay [norm] we need to use eminent domain ourselve and create a halfbakersburg. a bun shaped area somewhere in washington d.c. move over white house.
tcarson, Jun 28 2006

       [tcarson] Sense of dignity? I was a Kerry supporter. I gave that up long ago.
Galbinus_Caeli, Jun 29 2006

       they don't let me vote for a few more years still. i still don't know what you mean taking about giving up your dignity. i would have voted for him without any qualms [GC].
tcarson, Jun 29 2006

       He is and was a bit of a mealy mouth. I would rather they had flipped the ticket.
Galbinus_Caeli, Jun 29 2006

       How does this solve any oil supply issues? You're still driving those beasts around, plus all the new Civics you just gave away.
BunsenHoneydew, Jun 29 2006

       /How does this solve any oil supply issues? /   

       Each Hummer gets a boat ride to Basra, a truck ride to Bagdad, then gets to drive part way out to the airport. Boom.
Galbinus_Caeli, Jun 29 2006

       This is probably one of the best ideas I've seen here. I'm sure the patriotic H2 owners will be happy to support our troups with more than those little ribbon stickers. How about Escalades and Explorers?
James Newton, Jun 29 2006

       Perhaps instead of using imminent domain, which is generally for real-estate purchases, you might be able to comandeer the vehicles. I love comandeering vehicles... and I really love comandeering hummers!   

       Perhaps we could have avoided the war in Iraq entirely if someone had just given Bush a hummer or two. Seemed to work for Clinton.   

       OK, forget that idea, but we should definitely Comandeer the vehicles rather than using emminent domain.
ye_river_xiv, Jun 29 2006

       Us dumbshit Americans have no right to know what our government is doing, its not like we pay for it or anything.
Antegrity, Jun 30 2006

       [21] - I deleted your duplicate anno just now, hope that's OK.   

       The commandeered vehicles only need to look military enough for Tariq hiding in the bushes to trigger his explosives, and they only need to be durable enough to get halfway to the airport, like [Galbinus] says.   

       As to making MORE Hummers for this plan? Misses the point! However I concede that the program is likely to be so successful that more vehicles are needed. After the civilian supply of Hummers, H2s and H3s are exhausted we'll send over some Escalades and Navigators.   

       That should be fun : "What demon truck is this, Tariq? It is not moving and yet the shiny wheels spin and spin! Blow it up!"
strange606, Jul 01 2006

       have you guys seen some of the mad max style vehicles that contractors are driving around iraq right now? they use just about any type of american suv with gun turrets and blast shields welded on top.
tcarson, Jul 01 2006

       Note for non-USA readers: "Contractors" is the right wing politically correct term for "Mercenaries".
Galbinus_Caeli, Jul 01 2006

       found a link!
tcarson, Jul 01 2006

       No it's not. Maybe "Civillian Security Experts" or "Armed Escorts," but those terms are used by both sides, by anyone who wants to be "Pollitically Correct." And from my experience, those on the left are more concerned with political correctness than those on the right.
Hunter79764, Jul 03 2006

       Both sides have thier own flavor of PC to thump thier chests about.
Galbinus_Caeli, Jul 03 2006

       [GC] i use apple not windows.
tcarson, Jul 03 2006

       I could use a hummer right now.   

       Oh, you mean the car.
Eugene, Jul 03 2006

       You need a member of the trochilidae family?
Galbinus_Caeli, Jul 03 2006


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