Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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I love my job!

Get a better job when you retire
  [vote for,

When I was a child I dreamed of being a pilot and enjoying the excitement of flight and leisurely flying above the fluffy clouds. Later I learned a pilot's life is underpaid and boring. The actual work involves red tape, keeping schedules, and striking difficult compromises between schedule, safety, and what the boss wants. As a child I never dreamed of balancing fuel load charts and filling out flight log forms.

Maybe you dreamed of being a cop. Of course you didn't dream of getting into a squad car with three domestics already waiting for you to go to and delayed training courses that you were supposed to magically do in your nonexistent free time.

But whatever job you actually have this is the job for you. The job you dreamed of. The job you wanted. This company will guarantee a stress-free job full of all the good things.

Want to be a country vet like the James Harriot books? The company will send someone ahead of you to solve all the difficult cases, pay off farmers, and prepare warm, clean, well-lit rooms for you to work in. Want to be a cop? You'll work no overtime and there will be a bank robbery every other week! You'll be a hero every time, with admiring co-workers, a captain that loves you, and intriguing mysteries to solve. Want to start a book store? You're guaranteed to happen upon a beautiful little store that you can finagle for a song. Whatever books you buy will be just what your customers are looking for. The books will always balance.

When you retire with enough money all you have to do is transfer a sufficient sum to this company and describe your dream job, including all the things you like about the idea. From sailor to breast inspector to data scientist. You worked for society, now let us let you work for us!

Voice, Apr 23 2022

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       [Voice], is this really you?
whatrock, Apr 24 2022

       Sorry, I'll post something extra bitter to make up for it.
Voice, Apr 24 2022

       The bitter twist is that after signing up to this service and paying lots of money for it, you find that actually you are spending your whole time doing the dull paperwork and dirty grunt work and there is always a reason why the beautiful and exciting bits will start in just a few days time - certainly by the end of next week.
pocmloc, Apr 24 2022

       Employee retention could get hard.   

       "I hate my job."   

       "What do you do?"   

       "I work in the back office at the 'I Love My Job' corp. We do all the gruntwork while our customers do all the fun stuff."
RayfordSteele, Apr 24 2022

       This reminds me of All Smiles.   

       There's no shortage of work that nobody wants to do.   

       But there is a shortage of satisfying jobs that pay reasonably well.   

       I suspect everyone has a different idea of what part of their job is satisfying. If I had 1,000 billion dollars I would enjoy dividing it up into startups that I decide what they should build.
chronological, Apr 24 2022

       "When you retire with enough money"   

       I cannot complain about my job, it's the closest thing to retiring I will ever achieve. As for the above statement, you must come from a different planet.
normzone, Apr 27 2022


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