Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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100% Unnatural - Artificially Flavored
  (+7, -1)
(+7, -1)
  [vote for,

With the modern hype and push to more natural foodstuffs, where are you going to get the synthesized chemicals now absent from your diet?

Our new In-Organics line promises to produce nothing that hasn't been fully prepared in a laboratory. No naturally occurring substance will go into any of our products.

We also pledge to do everything in our power to fill the void in your dietary needs. All fats will be saturated fats and we are currently working on making our trans-fat inclusion percentage 100. Any sweeteners will be suplimented with saccharin and a synthesised version of corn syrup (its about 73% more sweet and has 89% more calories than ordinary high-fructose corn syrup). All water used is at least 94% deutrium based.

Please note that packaging may be larger than the actual volume of the product in order to accomadate the lengthy names of our ingredients listed on the side(s) of the package.

Also try our UltraHigh Sodium, MSG Puh-lease, and Uber-Gluten lines of products.


       Every atom hand-bonded into position by small teams of rural catalysts....[+]
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 08 2007

       If the constituents of most vegetables (organic or otherwise) were analysed by the same criteria applied to food additives, the results would terrify you.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 08 2007

       So vegies are made of...chemicals?
Texticle, Feb 08 2007

       [Texticle], tell me you are kidding.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 08 2007

       The point is that : (a) plants contain many different chemicals which are known to be nasty (b) they often contain them at far higher levels than would be allowed if they were man-made contaminants. (c) it doesn't matter a demibollock anyway, since the actual levels are just part of the background noise of life, and there is a lot of noise. The man- made crap is, as often as not, insignificant compared to the natural crap. Plants really do not care if they give you cancer.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 08 2007

       [MaxwellBuchanan], of course I was kidding. We all know that vegies aren't made of chemicals.   

       Kidding again. Or was I? Yes, I was.   

       Or was I?
Texticle, Feb 08 2007

       Is there such a thing as a rhetorical answer? And, if so, can it be given in response to a rhetorical question?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 08 2007

       You do realize that neither of the preceding questions was intended to be rhetorical, don't you?
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 08 2007

       The following items are listed in order of decreasing common levels of consciousness (DCLC):
The Moon

       As you can see, plants rule a vast assembly of things. We should ease up on them and maybe stop eating them. [+]
daseva, Feb 08 2007

       //No naturally occurring substance will go into any of our products.//

Baked (or, rather, contrived by some fearsome alchemical process) in the form of the Hostess Twinkie. And possibly Chicken McNuggets. And Lucozade.
angel, Feb 09 2007


we_dont_eat_them, Feb 09 2007

       From Good Omens (by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman).
CHOW TM contained spun, plaited, and woven protein molecules, capped and coded, carefully designed to be ignored by even the most ravenous digestive tract enzymes; no-cal sweeteners; mineral oils replacing vegetable oils; fibrous materials, colorings, and flavorings. The end result was a foodstuff almost indistinguishable from any other except for two things. Firstly, the price, which was slightly higher, and secondly, the nutritional content, which was roughly equivalent to that of a Sony Walkman. [...]

       MEALS TM was CHOW TM with added sugar and fat. The theory was that if you ate enough MEALS TM you would a) get very fat, and b) die of malnutrition.
squeak, Feb 09 2007

       //twinkies. [we_dont_eat_them].// In that case, what was the // mmm. // for?
lurch, Feb 11 2007


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