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Interspecies Sports Reporting

news flashes featuring taxonomically named athletes
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Acinonyx Jubatus on the mark

African sprinter Acinonyx Jubatus says, “Records are there to be broken,” as she readies for the 200 meter final on Sunday. Her personal best is 6.42 seconds, fastest of the starting pride.

Anser Caerulescens: I will regain world record

Olympic triathlon champion Anser Caerulescens has vowed to regain the world Ironbeast record by waddling, paddling and flying the five-mile course in under 2 hours 16 minutes. The Canadian’s one-year-old mark was eclipsed in Paris yesterday by Anas Platyrhynchos.

Istiophorus cruises to victory

Istiophorus Platypterus took an easy gold in the 100-meter freestyle swim with a time of only 3.749 seconds. The eight-foot Brazilian was clearly pleased with her victory at the Seattle Saltwater Championships.

Nike backs Macropus

Macropus Rufus, the Australian triple jump phenomenon, disclosed details of the sponsor contract today. The 300-pound boomer, who has jumped a record 133 ft, tried on half-yard long shoes with red swooshes that match his hair.

FarmerJohn, Oct 24 2002

Glossary of animal names http://www.lucockers.com/diernamen.html
[FarmerJohn, Oct 24 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]

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       I wonder whether Homo Sapiens would take home any medals at all.
whimsickle, Oct 24 2002

       They'd have to hold a "Special Olympics" for us...
snarfyguy, Oct 24 2002

       Nah, we can just stick to javelin and the rifle range. And I don't think anything else out there could manage the triathlon.
DrCurry, Oct 24 2002

       We'd probably clean up at team sports like basketball. Unless we were playing against hungry, man-eating animals.
snarfyguy, Oct 24 2002

       //I don't think anything else out there could manage the triathlon//   

       I think Pan Troglodytes, with the aid of some well-masked anabolic steroids, could give you a *lot* of trouble. And finish before you. And then probably throw a javelin into the next stadium. And the officials after it. I'd watch, if only to see his broad, yellow-toothed grin as he slouched on the podium.
pertinax, Feb 11 2007

       <pedant> It's "Acinonyx jubatus", "Homo sapiens" etc. The genus name is capitalized, the specific name isn't (unless it happens to be directly derived from a name, like "Darwinii"). Normally, the name should also be italicised (it's Latin after all), but this can be overlooked. <pedant>
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 11 2007


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