Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Yeah, I wish it made more sense too.

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prevent sleeping at the wheel by means of unnecessarily complicated, but painful, mechanical deployment of cutlery
  (+8, -4)
(+8, -4)
  [vote for,

Driving on the motorway late at night, you become drowsy. The white lines become, in a Carroll-esque transmogrification, a safety rope with which to pull yourself out of the sea of sleepiness to the wave-beaten shores of wakefulness. Unfortunately the rope is always just out of reach.

As you chin drops to your chest, it presses together the electrical contacts that are attached to and which activate a spring loaded arm in the door of your car. On the end of this arm is a shiny old Victorian silver fork - you know, the ones with 2-inch long tines that are are as sharp as an awl - which stabs you in the thigh, thus reminding you that you should be awake.

An alternative is the Slapperwakey, which adminsters a whack upside your sleepy head with a rice-filled rubber glove, or for apparently greater comedic effect (not to mention gut churning malodorousness) a wet fish.

My preference is for a flounder.

Murdoch, Jan 10 2007


       Haven't you ever stumbled round a dancefloor to the mighty Gap Band's seminal "Oops Upside your Head"?   

       "Yo, mofo, don' make me go upside your pussy-ass head" is pimp street slang for "You, young, man, are in dire need of a good clip round the ear."
Murdoch, Jan 10 2007

       I was sort of hoping this would be a car that flies around and injures Frenchmen.
Abusementpark, Jan 10 2007

       Let us replace the rice-filled glove with a wet fish and we have a comedic classic! U'd get a bun from me
deoxyribonucleic, Jan 10 2007

Murdoch, Jan 10 2007

       I'm bunning this as long as it was a deliberate pun on "Jabberwockey", and not a delightful coincidence.
Mr Phase, Jan 10 2007

       V deliberate, but how good would it have been if it had been a coincidence? A straw poll of opinion round here suggests something on the spectrum of "f*ckin' terrible" to "how droll".
Murdoch, Jan 10 2007

       Is it a vorpal fork?
Laimak, Jan 10 2007

       `Twas brillig, and the slithy forks   

       Did stab and gimble in the thighs;   

       All mimsy were the borogoves,   

       And the mome raths outgrabe.'   

       with apologies to Lewis Carrol
xenzag, Jan 10 2007

       'Beware the Jabberwake, my son!
The fork that stabs, the fish that slaps!
Beware those two-inch tines, and shun
All hopes of a nap!'

       with further apologies.
imaginality, Jan 10 2007

       "Is it a vorpal fork?"   

       Probably not. Vorpal instruments have a tendency towards decapitation, which has been known to reduce driver aptitude.
nick_n_uit, Jan 12 2007

       Yes, having no arms could limit one somewhat.
deoxyribonucleic, Jan 12 2007

       If there were many of you, and you drove rapidly, could you have an arms race?
normzone, Jan 12 2007

       Quite possibly.
deoxyribonucleic, Jan 12 2007


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