Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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I never imagined it would be edible.

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Kevlar ice-cream tub

Much less painful
  (+6)
(+6)
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against]

A conventional ice-cream tub, made of paper or plastic, but with a stab-proof kevlar liner.

Prevents injuries caused by, for instance, the user pushing a knife right through the ice cream, the container, and some portion of their anatomy when struggling to extract the deep-frozen ice cream from the tub.

Also useful in reducing or preventing arterial spray, gravitational droplets, difficult-to-explain bloodstains on clothing, and unwanted trips to the Emergency Room of the local health provider.

8th of 7, Apr 14 2016

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       Perhaps an alternative method of extracting the ice cream could prevent operator injury. I suggest the use of a heated scoop.
Cuit_au_Four, Apr 14 2016
  

       Always ask a grown-up to help you prepare food, [8th].
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 14 2016
  

       Oh, we're fine. However, helpful suggestions such as "Use a scoop dipped in warm water", "Let it stand on the countertop for a few minutes" and "Wear an oven glove" were ignored, and comments such as "If you carry on like that you're going to cut yourself, you know" were derided as "your usual unhelpful pessimism" and subsequently criticised as "another one of your bloody self-fulfilling prophecies".   

       The rejoinder, "Well yes, 'bloody' does just about cover it nicely" could very probably be characterised as "ill-timed".

Or possibly "insensitive".

Or most accurately, "suicidally stupid", particularly when addressed to someone who was in a bad temper to begin with, is now bleeding profusely from an incised wound, in very considerable pain, and still grasping an edged weapon in their remaining functional hand.
8th of 7, Apr 14 2016
  

       Who are you and what have you done with [8th of 7]? Where is the increased chance of injury so-oft posted?
Vernon, Apr 14 2016
  

       Kevlar isn't known for it's knife-stopping abilities - you sure you don't mean ceramic?   

       I think they even make bowls out of it nowadays ;-)
normzone, Apr 14 2016
  

       [8th], you have my deepest sympathy regarding your unfortunate accident. And my left leg is Botswana.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 14 2016
  

       // Where is the increased chance of injury so-oft posted? //   

       Still high up on the programme, but we much prefer it if it's not us that has to deal with the resultant mess.   

       If anyone out there has a foolproof method for getting a mixture of human blood and Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough icecream off tan leather car upholstery without leaving a mark, we will pay top dollar.   

       Also, is consuming the greater part of a tub of icecream, apparently also including the actual waxed cardboard tub, liable to do any harm to Shih Tzu ?
8th of 7, Apr 14 2016
  

       //Also, is consuming the greater part of a tub of icecream, apparently also including the actual waxed cardboard tub, liable to do any harm to Shih Tzu ?//   

       I don't know, but even if the ice-cream only shuts it up for five minutes it would be a start.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 14 2016
  

       It's certainly done that. All three of them sound asleep, with conspicuously sticky moustaches.

Amount of concern expressed for injured Pink Blob - nil.

No change there, then.

On the plus side, amount of cleanup required - very much less than envisaged (although that could change if one or more of them elects to vomit copiously in some inconvenient location).
8th of 7, Apr 14 2016
  

       //All three of them// Dear gods! Death by Ice Cream Knife can only be a merciful release. You do realize that, for the cost of maintaining three Shit Zoos, you could maintain a dog?
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 14 2016
  

       // And my left leg is Botswana   

       Are you trying to one-up the PM by having an off-shore limb account?   

       Botswana has a flat rate of 25%, but your right leg in the BVI seems to have no income tax at all. So, merely transferring the wallet from the left pocket to the right pocket of trews..
not_morrison_rm, Apr 15 2016
  

       +1
po, Apr 15 2016
  

       I hope you told your guests it was strawberry sauce and didn't waste perfectly good ice cream.
the porpoise, Apr 15 2016
  

       //off-shore limb account?// That is actually an excellent idea. Also, if I only have one leg registered in England, I can probably claim disability allowance.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 15 2016
  

       //Be careful not to get caught exporting arms//   

       Exporting arms is a fine and noble British tradition. Importing them is where people get upset.
bs0u0155, Apr 15 2016
  

       Be forewarned that Shih Tzus consuming blood have been known to acquire a taste for it and take on vampiristic tendencies.   

       And you're absolutely the last person I would expect to have one of those little things, let alone three.   

       If you would've just used my ice-cream axis mill all of this could've been avoided.
RayfordSteele, Apr 15 2016
  

       //Be careful not to get caught exporting arms.// Good point - I wouldn't have a leg to stand on.
MaxwellBuchanan, Apr 15 2016
  

       So, like a reverse Frozen Alaska, but with kevlar ?   

       // Shih Tzus consuming blood have been known to acquire a taste for it and take on vampiristic tendencies. //   

       Since they certainly have the power to suck out the soul, sanity, and the will to live, much like a cute fluffy Dementor, that doesn't come as a surprise.   

       // And you're absolutely the last person I would expect to have one of those little things, let alone three. //   

       Well, now you know. They're like superintelligent Tribbles - great for keeping Klingons away.
8th of 7, Apr 15 2016
  

       That gives me an idea.   


 

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