Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Labor Driver

No, not a guy with a whip telling you to work.
  [vote for,

When your wife goes into labor you stop functioning like a normal human being and start acting like Jerry Lewis. You can't talk straight, you can't drive, you fall over things, etc. All the doctors and nurses I have talked to say that it usually isn't necessary for women to come into the hospital immediately when they go into labor. Even then people still go as soon as contractions begin and sometimes get sent back home to wait a few hours for the real labor to begin. On the drive to the hospital the husband/friend is driving like a bat out of hell and is in total disregard of traffic rules and regulations. If a third party could be called in when the couple thinks that the delivery process has begun it would help the doctors and nurses and midwives and even the mother-to-be (mtb).

My idea is to have that outside person called to go to the mtb's house as soon as contractions begin if she is near her due date. The person would then be able enough to tell the difference between Braxton-Hicks contractions and real ones. They would also have to know how to and be certified to be able to check the cervix and make the ultimate decision to either go to the hospital or stay at home for a little bit longer. These people would, of course, be in talks with the regular OB/GYN, or at least have access to the files of the person that they need to go and sit with. Then, when it is time to go on in, they would do the driving so as not to cause accidents like you see in “Nine Months.” They could have their billing services through the hospital and it would be tacked on to the end of the regular bill.

barnzenen, Jul 31 2001


       Or have a home birth and not have to risk the mtb on the road in the first place.
-alx, Jul 31 2001

       how about a doula or a midwife?
mihali, Jul 31 2001

       I thought of a midwife and a doula, but neither of those would take the initiative to drive the mtb to the hospital if they even go to the house to begin with. All the ones I have talked to at my hospital say that they just stay at the hospital or get paged when the mtb gets to the hospital and checks in. Also, it was my understanding that if a doctor had to make a house call it would cost a lot extra, not that having children isn't expensive enough! BTW, Peter, all the cabbies in my area know about genitalia, but I don't feel comfortable with them looking at my wife's and deciding if she was dilated enough to start getting our things together and take her to the hospital.
barnzenen, Jul 31 2001

       A Mexican? Will he or she have her hat-dancing?
thumbwax, Jul 31 2001


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