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"All skaters will please exit the rink and avert their eyes for thirty seconds while the Lazamboni is engaged."
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The lower inch of an ice rinks boards have a mirrored coating to reflect the rays of several heat lasers which melt the surface of frozen rinkscree to within one one thousandth of an inch of true level in a single three second sweep. Subsequent sweeps level any bubbling and steam condensation into a perfectly uniform skating surface.

Game on!

Sorry Mr. Zamboni.

For those of us who haven't got a clue what a Zamboni might be. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zamboni
[Gordon Comstock, Nov 22 2005]


       That's great for ice ridges and rink scree, but what becomes of any extraneous debris? The odd button, occasional gum wrapper, or woolen cap pom-pom?
jurist, Nov 20 2005

       They will be held for ransom by the mad Dr. Lazamboni and his super-powerful la"z"er. If they do not pay him silly amounts of money, they will be annihilated! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!   

       Aside from that, wouldn't the freshly melted water refreeze itself into dangerously uneven puddles minutes later?
jellydoughnut, Nov 20 2005


//to within one one thousandth of an inch of true level //

Too bad about that pesky curvature of the earth. (Though I'm calculating it will be only one thousandth for a rink 50' in radius.)
ldischler, Nov 20 2005

       The Earth is curved?!
jellydoughnut, Nov 20 2005

       Well, we are.
Darkelfan, Nov 21 2005

       I think this idea is skating on thin ice...
Minimal, Nov 21 2005

       ldischler: ah, but true level follows the curvature of the Earth, at least as regards ice skating. Otherwise, build the rink big enough and sooner or later you'll be skating uphill.
DrCurry, Nov 21 2005

       I hadn't thought about the whole curved Earth thing. I think it's cool that if you made a large enough perfectly flat surface, the physics would be that of a giant bowl. Well, dinner plate at least.   

       With some dry ice and colored light lasers, after hours disco skating might catch on.   

       As for garbage on the ice; if the smoke isn't toxic then what the heck, light it up baby.   

       If it were big enough, and flat enough, you'd be trapped in there. A flat earth, where you could never reach the edge.
ldischler, Nov 21 2005

       I have talked to mathematicians who believe that a perfectly flat plane would in fact be curved. I didn't come close to understanding the argument. Something to do with soap bubbles.
DrCurry, Nov 21 2005

       //(Though I'm calculating it will be only one thousandth for a rink 50' in radius.)// A hockey rink is 200' long and 100' wide.
sleeka, Nov 21 2005

       It depends on the method you employ to check that the plate is completly flat. Light is bent by Earths gravity too...
Minimal, Nov 21 2005

       Dr, it has to do with the idea that negative and postive infinities meet up somehow. Made no sense to me, either.
RayfordSteele, Nov 22 2005

       Terrific! Read this as "La-Z-Zamboni," but this is even better!
roleohibachi, Nov 22 2005

       No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. PLEASE don't take away Zambonis...
-----, Nov 22 2005

       It's ok, your'e allright, just breathe deeply into this paper bag now. There you go, Ohm...Ohm that's right, elevate your legs maybe.
Zambonis won't be extinct for many many years and even then, there will still be a few in zoos for you to pet.

       is [row of little dots] really going to pieces over an ice resurfacer?
po, Nov 22 2005

       I can hire 3 mexicans to do the work cheaper than your lazer.
Antegrity, Nov 23 2005

       Sorry, but the Zamboni is too cool to get rid of.
bspollard, Nov 23 2005

       That's the thing, there would still be Zambonis except now they'd let you take'm for a spin for a fee, and if you wreck the ice surface, oh well, bzzzzzzzzt fixed.   

       You can do a lot more damage than just wrecking the ice surface with a Zamboni. I'd go full throttle right at the side boards.
sleeka, Nov 24 2005

       every time I scan my recent page, my eye crosses this idea and I read "Lamb Bhuna".   

       <Nips off drooling for a cuzza>   

       DrCurry will explain. I'm eating poppadoms.
jonthegeologist, Nov 25 2005

       Nice idea. Thank you [Gordan Comstock] for your link. I hadn't a clue what a Zamboni might have been, but now I know.   

       Might the newly melted water bend or reflect the laser into a new direction, possibly harmfully. I can imagine that ripples in the surface might do this easily. I don't think that the curvature of the earth would do anything at all.
dbmag9, Nov 25 2005

       Forget the Zamboni - it takes too long. But 3 seconds (or is it 30)? That's quite the laser!
Shz, Nov 27 2005

       Hmmm, ripple reflected beams also hadn't crossed my mind, this may necessitate a retractable cover.
[Shz] the reason I thought that each sweep of the laser would only take a few seconds is because of the lower reflective strip. In three seconds a beam of light would have reflected off of the boards curved surfaces and would nearly blanket the ice in criss/crossing beams by the time one pass was completed,

       I got (and like) the reflecting coverage. It's the power that is amazing!
Shz, Nov 29 2005

       Makes me want to go off and post Zamborghini.
RayfordSteele, Aug 13 2009


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