Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Management-speak auto responder

Because life's too short to spend time deciphering crap.
  (+11, -2)(+11, -2)
(+11, -2)
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It’s a tough day at the office. You’re so busy you barely have time to eat, let alone cruise the internet. Then you get an email from a manager that is essentially a nonsensical paragraph of management-speak. A quick skim through it reveals nothing that can be recognised as a specific request, question or command. You don’t have time for this!

Enter the Management-speak Auto Email Responder, or MAER for short. The MAER uses simple grammar rules to create structured sentences, using nouns, verbs etc. plucked from a lookup table, using random numbers to choose words. Naturally the lookup table would be comprised of nouns such as framework, player etc; verbs such as implement, facilitate, capture etc; adjectives such as key, high-level etc.

The MAER can be configured to respond to emails as flagged by the user, or for the more adventurous/busy worker, it can be set in fully-automatic mode, whereby it will detect an incoming management-speak email (matching words from its lookup table) and reply without any user input.

Texticle, Feb 02 2005

CorpSpeak Generator http://www.lavarnd....i-bin/corpspeak.cgi
Generates random management-speak [Aq_Bi, Feb 02 2005]

Web Economy Bullshit Generator http://dack.com/web/bullshit.html
Not as ambitious as [Aq_Bi]'s link [Detly, Feb 02 2005]

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       RE: Important Announcement
As always, a multimedia based resolution establishes an action item for the solutions-oriented deliverables. With our redeployment of HTML authoring tools, redirection of a target functionality freeze, and reduction in the solutions, first class leadership positions sign off on the I/O intensive plug-ins. So, the turnkey systems capture a price-performance customer partnership.
Aq_Bi, Feb 02 2005
  

       I think it would cause difficult situations for the user. However, this is because I'm taking it dead seriously. I'd kill for one of these... [+]
david_scothern, Feb 02 2005
  

       We have identified numerous options to harness the synergistic opportunities of corporate-wide system implementation and have, accordingly, awarded you a croissant.
methinksnot, Jul 25 2006
  


 

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