Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.

user:
pass:
register,


           

Management-speak auto responder

Because life's too short to spend time deciphering crap.
  (+11, -2)(+11, -2)
(+11, -2)
  [vote for,
against]

It’s a tough day at the office. You’re so busy you barely have time to eat, let alone cruise the internet. Then you get an email from a manager that is essentially a nonsensical paragraph of management-speak. A quick skim through it reveals nothing that can be recognised as a specific request, question or command. You don’t have time for this!

Enter the Management-speak Auto Email Responder, or MAER for short. The MAER uses simple grammar rules to create structured sentences, using nouns, verbs etc. plucked from a lookup table, using random numbers to choose words. Naturally the lookup table would be comprised of nouns such as framework, player etc; verbs such as implement, facilitate, capture etc; adjectives such as key, high-level etc.

The MAER can be configured to respond to emails as flagged by the user, or for the more adventurous/busy worker, it can be set in fully-automatic mode, whereby it will detect an incoming management-speak email (matching words from its lookup table) and reply without any user input.

Texticle, Feb 02 2005

CorpSpeak Generator http://www.lavarnd....i-bin/corpspeak.cgi
Generates random management-speak [Aq_Bi, Feb 02 2005]

Web Economy Bullshit Generator http://dack.com/web/bullshit.html
Not as ambitious as [Aq_Bi]'s link [Detly, Feb 02 2005]

Please log in.
If you're not logged in, you can see what this page looks like, but you will not be able to add anything.
Short name, e.g., Bob's Coffee
Destination URL. E.g., https://www.coffee.com/
Description (displayed with the short name and URL.)






       RE: Important Announcement
As always, a multimedia based resolution establishes an action item for the solutions-oriented deliverables. With our redeployment of HTML authoring tools, redirection of a target functionality freeze, and reduction in the solutions, first class leadership positions sign off on the I/O intensive plug-ins. So, the turnkey systems capture a price-performance customer partnership.
Aq_Bi, Feb 02 2005
  

       I think it would cause difficult situations for the user. However, this is because I'm taking it dead seriously. I'd kill for one of these... [+]
david_scothern, Feb 02 2005
  

       We have identified numerous options to harness the synergistic opportunities of corporate-wide system implementation and have, accordingly, awarded you a croissant.
methinksnot, Jul 25 2006
  


 

back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle