Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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McTartan's Chav Attracting Lake

Lake that displays a tartan
  (+10, -2)(+10, -2)
(+10, -2)
  [vote for,

To construct a McTartan lake, you must first stretch a series of parallel wires tightly across the entire surface of the lake, just below the surface of the water.

Another set of wires runs at right angle to these so that there are a number of intersection points where the wires cross each other. The wires are laid in such a way as to make the spacing and gaps correspond to the tartan pattern of your choice.

All of the wires are then to made to vibrate at a frequency that causes the water immediately above to be disrupted and rippled continuously into the predetermined tartan. (monochrome version only at present)

Now all you have to do is wait for the chavs to come and admire your handy work.

xenzag, Nov 09 2006

For [Shz] http://images.googl...s?q=burberry%20chav
The attraction explained...well illustrated anyway. [zen_tom, Nov 09 2006]

Chav definition http://www.urbandic...efine.php?term=chav
Urban dictionary seems to have turned into a contest over the most negative descriptions. Funny for a paragraph or two and then it becomes a little boring. [jmvw, Nov 10 2006]

ChavScum http://www.chavscum.co.uk/
"A user's guide to Britain's ASBO generation" [wagster, Nov 10 2006]


       Same as a guido. Not sure how this attracts them. Also, that's a lot of vibration in water. It would look cool, though, if it works even a little.
Shz, Nov 09 2006

       Even better if the wires were razor sharp so that any chavs (or neds) who were so attracted to the lake (or loch) that they wished to feel the tartan itself would find themselves at least fingerless and at best, sliced like ham.
calum, Nov 09 2006

       what calum said x tenfold.   

       not in a pattern and with dots...
po, Nov 09 2006

       Would "The Moon", for lack of better name, mess this up at all?
Chefboyrbored, Nov 09 2006

       Another moon shot.
wylie_coyote, Nov 09 2006

       Somewhere on the Internet I've seen a wave machine that can create standing waves in a tartan pattern (amongst others).
DrCurry, Nov 09 2006

       Ah, thanks [z_t]. I have yet to see that trend.
Shz, Nov 09 2006

       Outstanding [link], DrCurry!
jurist, Nov 10 2006

       Hey, I used to live near Chatham (Cha-am with an epiglottal stop in the middle - letter t in the middle of a word didn't exist), and I see from jmvw's link, which mentions Chatham, that Chav now has a negative connotation. About 25-30 years ago, I can remember saying phrases such as "Watcha Chavvy".
'Watcha' I picked up from the Folkestone area, and basically means hello. Chav or Chavvy basically meant "friend" or "mate".
Ling, Nov 10 2006

       From Wikipedia: (One of the ( many possible) origins of the word chav)
\\The use of the word “chav” can also be traced to the town of Chatham, Medway in Kent, where the word has been in use for several generations to describe a person on the dole. To be “on the dole” was to be “on the chav.” It was a local joke that people from Chatham dressed a certain way and were frequently on the dole, which led to the term “Chatham Chav.”\\
hidden truths, Nov 10 2006


       One McHaggisBurger(TM) please...
DesertFox, Nov 11 2006

       No, no, no. It would be a grave misconception to class these people as posers. A poser, in my opinion, would be a relatively harmless fashion victim, who wishes to impress upon you the fact that they have bought into the latest fad. The nature of the chav is far more sinister. It is a lifestyle, which embraces the antithesis of society. They stick their middle finger up at anything resembling authority, yet without the quaint charm of ideals that went before them, such as Punk. These people are the moronic underclass, and they have unwisely been been given their 15 minutes of fame. They are best ignored. This would have been a beautiful idea were it not for the unnecessary mention of chavs. An undulating tartan lake in the highlands of Scotland is a fine image. One which attracted chavs is not. Vote withheld.
jtp, Nov 12 2006

       Somehow, the best ideas are the most pointless.
wagster, Nov 12 2006

       ....... but the whole point of it is to attract the chavs who will gather like flies and leave the rest of us alone.
xenzag, Nov 12 2006

       And I thought it was just random chav flash-mobbing.
wagster, Nov 12 2006

       Dead men don't wear plaid.
RayfordSteele, Nov 12 2006

       With a series of floating barriers thick enough, it would be possible to float colored oil atop the lake in the proper locations... more or less... for a while...   

       Until the Chavs use their chivs to chop up the barriers.
ye_river_xiv, Nov 13 2006


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