Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Metaphor Actualisation Agency

  (+9, -1)(+9, -1)
(+9, -1)
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I stood up and addressed the meeting: "We've really got to make these fourth quarter targets. We're skating on thin ice, guys". Immediately black-clad agents from the Metaphor Actualisation Agency, suspended on abseiling ropes on the outside of the building burst through the windows and wrestled me to the floor. Bound and trussed I was dragged away.

Later, blindfolded I remember being taken into a building and someone who appeared to be the leader saying "Room 227". Once a heavy door had been locked behind me, my blindfold was taken off and I saw a room with a large, ice-covered pool set into the floor. "Put these on" said one of the agents, handing me a pair of ice skates. I won't describe what happened then except that it was very cold and very wet.


Days later, back at work I thought to myself "Must be more careful this time" as I walked into another team meeting. Soon I was back into my flow and had put the events of the past few days behind me - "...if we don't make these fourth quarter results we're going to be up shit creek without a paddle, guys"...
hippo, Jul 25 2004


       Half way through the residential sales-course, Timmy tripped and brought down the tower of paperclips they'd been building. Brian, the most promising member of the team was furious.   

       "Geez guys, we're royally fucked, now those guys from NewTech Systems are going to win!"   

       The others stepped back.   

       "What!? Whadisay? What?"   

       Abseil ropes slicked down behind Brian as the rest of his team turned and fled, only to be brought swiftly down by other agents of the MAA, who had surrounded the group. Meanwhile, out in the car-park, Her Majesty the Queen stepped out of her carriage onto the gravel, sporting an enormous golden and diamond-encrusted, strap-on dildo.
zen_tom, Jul 25 2004

       "Excellent annotation - you're on fire, [zen_tom]! - ooh, wait, I didn't mean it..."
hippo, Jul 25 2004

       <list alert>"Put it on the 5:15 and see if it gets off at Winchester"</list alert>+
gnomethang, Jul 25 2004

       This is a good idea, but I think it's best we put it on the back-burner for now. +
spiritualized, Jul 25 2004

       I'm sure [UB] had a similar idea on the halfbakery, but crescent bread anyway. Get a mullet up you.
ConsulFlaminicus, Jul 26 2004

       Nice idea hippo but it implies microphones and surveillance in every office and workplace in the land. Plus some people to monitor it all. Infringement of privacy plus likely low return on investments equals smelly fishbones! I didn't get where I am today without being a nay-saying spoilsport!
DrBob, Jul 27 2004

       [Consul], there's similar prose on [UB]'s profile.
half, Jul 27 2004

       "...and if you look at this Powerpoint slide you'll see that over the last quarter our products have been selling like hot cakes". I paused for a moment and then repeated a little louder "I said, our products have been SELLING LIKE HOT CAKES!". Again I paused - then a MAA operative came into view on the windowledge outside holding up a note reading "That's actually a simile. We don't do similes".
hippo, Aug 02 2004

       No hot cakes, but I could do with a Mornington Crescent roll.
normzone, Mar 13 2014

       There's still some Swiss Cottage pie left ...
8th of 7, Mar 13 2014

       +you see something like this would meter out real justice, i'm so so sick of hearing that someone "screwed the pooch"
vfrackis, Mar 14 2014

       //microphones and surveillance in every office and workplace in the land. Plus some people to monitor it all.//

It all seemed so unlikely only a decade ago. Oh dear!
DrBob, Mar 14 2014

       Freedom is Irrelevant, Self-Determination is Irrelevant. You must comply. Resistance Is Futile.
8th of 7, Mar 14 2014

       At a wild guess, this preceded Armando Ianucci (spelling?) doing the axiom testing on beeb radio...
not_morrison_rm, Mar 14 2014


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